PAUL W. REEVES

The Coach's Son (Part 5)

2011-07-30T21:53:00.000-04:00

(Continued from July 23, 2011) …. From a baseball standpoint, their plan of the assistant coaches worked like a charm! My son banged a double, another single, and drew a walk, knocked in two runs and scored three before the final inning.

Defensively, he made four routine catches, threw a runner out at second who had been trying to stretch a single into a double and … well, then this happened:

A batter hit a deep flyball to centerfield; my son turned around with his back to the infield and ran like a deer; he turned around to face the infield and make the catch and then … promptly fell down flat on his back! He sat up; raised his glove; and … MADE THE CATCH! The entire crowd was cheering mightily including, again, the fans, players, and coaches from the other team. Our own fans, players, and coaches were going extra berserk!

The opposing manager ran up to him between innings and told him that it was the best catch that he had ever seen. He just might have been correct!

To add frosting to the cake, our team won the game, 11-9!

Well, clearly, the assistant coaches had raised a great point! Leaving my own son in for the entire game, against my fairness plan, had worked, as it propelled us to victory!

So, after the players’ celebration and post-game talk, I began to head to the parking lot, fully embracing for the “favoritism” comments that were sure to come my way.

The first two parents said something along the lines of, “Hey coach – great victory.” Whew! Maybe not as bad as I thought!

The third parent asked to see me privately. Uh-oh, I thought. The parent said, “My own son is not a very good player, but your son is pretty good. I don’t know why you kept taking him out, but I was about to pull my son off of the team, as I really wanted him to have the experience of winning. Listen, my son is good at painting and your son is good at baseball. Just go with it.”

The fourth and fifth parents came together and said, “Great job, coach … really great job.” I said, “Thank you. It was nice to get a win.”

Parents 4 and 5 said, seemingly in unison, “We were being sarcastic! Sure, tonight you did a great job, but why did you keep taking your own son every other inning? We don’t care about fairness- we care to win, so leave him in.”

Those parents were less than friendly in their missive, but the message was now clear. Everybody wanted to win, even if it meant that his or her own kid had to ride the bench!

A few other parents came up to me, obviously in a good winning mood, to pass along similar thoughts of great victory, nice job, etc. It was clear that everybody enjoyed being part of a winner, even if their own kid had to ride the bench more than others!

Well, alrighty then, I threw away my “beautiful plan” of fairness, arranged the lineup to ensure that the best players were in the game for as many innings as possible, only substituting for rightfield and second base, and …. we went 8-1 for the rest of the season!

A lesson on winning for the kids and a lesson for the coach on “fairness” and the true desires of most people - …. WINNING!

Paul W. Reeves

The Coach's Son (Part 4)

2011-07-23T21:18:00.004-04:00

(Continued from July 16, 2011) …… Well, true to form and my “beautiful plan”, my son started in centerfield for the next game. He made a fairly routine catch in the first inning, got a single to start a rally, and then he promptly took his place on the bench, so that another player could get an inning in the field.

The second inning started and another routine flyball was hit to centerfield and …. it was not caught! The batter took second base, from where he later scored the first of three runs for the other team.

Right after the flyball was not caught, one of my assistant coaches came up to me and said in a not overly friendly voice, “Why don’t you keep your son out there for the whole game? This is ridiculous!” I explained my logic on being fair to all players, even though it meant that my own son would have ride the pine.

The assistant coach said in an even harsher tone, “Well, he’s the best darned outfielder that we have and, if you just keep taking him out, we will keep losing. This isn’t Little League, you know – the kids and parents expect to win, so put him in there and don't take him out!"

I threw the idea by my other assistant coach and he quickly retorted, “It’s about time! I appreciate you being fair to all players, but I think that we would all be even more appreciative if you would play to win, even if some kids don’t play much.”

Somewhat startled that my plan of “fairness” had ticked off a few people, I told the assistant coaches that my son would be in centerfield for the rest of the game. Of course, I was fully prepared for the “favoritism” tag that would be assigned to me by some of the parents after the game, but I was prepared to hear all about it.

So, how did it go with my son in centerfield for the rest of the game? How did the parents react? Please come back next week to find out!

Paul W. Reeves

The Coach's Son (Part 3)

2011-07-16T21:49:00.000-04:00

(Continued from July 9, 2011) ….Well, the season started and in accordance with my beautifully developedsubstitution plan of fairness and, …. we lost badly! To make matters worse, myown son, who was starting to make a name for himself as one of the bettercenterfielders, was on the bench when a few fly balls were hit to centerfieldand missed by the substitutes who would have ordinarily been on the bench!

Ohwell, I thought, at least the kids got a chance to play; they participated;perhaps they learned a few things; and they certainly did not rot on the bench… but, we still lost …. badly!

To digress, way back when I was nine-years-old, wewon the championship for the league. I, along with several other players,played every inning of every game. Two boys on the team played the minimum ofthree innings per week in the field and they were allowed to bat the minimum ofonce per week. With 14 available innings a week, that means that they only played 3 of 14innings, while only batting once.

Essentially, those two guys rotted on the bench.When we won the championship, they were happy to get a trophy, but there was an emptinessto their season. I have never forgotten the looks on their faces at many pointsduring the season, as well as when they received their trophies. They were lostsouls, as they realized that they had contributed nothing to the championship andit seemed to be obvious to them that they only reason that they ever left thebench was so that the coaches would be in compliance with league rules. Thefact that they got their three innings when we were way ahead in the game could not havehelped their self-esteem much, either.

As you might have guessed, neither boy ever playedbaseball again and, in fact, neither boy ever tried out for another team in anysport all the way through high school.

So, again, with my newly established philosophy, wemight not win as many games, but all of the guys and their parents would behappy, … or so I thought!

At any rate, after we lost about 4-5 games in a rowto start he season, my own son was back in centerfield and he randown a ball that was destined to be a home run for the other team. The ball washit far over his head. Upon landing, the ball would have rolled forever,thereby clearing the loaded bases. However, my son ran as fast as he could and, at thevery last minute and with his back to the infield, reached out and caught the ball,a la Willie Mays at the ol’ Polo Grounds – he then wheeled around and threw a onebounce strike to third base to double off the runner!

Even though he is my own son, I must admit that it wasone of the best plays that I had ever seen made by a 15-year-old centerfielder!He is blessed with great speed, but his baseball instincts to run the ball downand then fire a strike to 3^rd base elicited major cheers even fromthe OPPOSING FANS!

Of course, true to my beautiful plan, he was on thebench the next inning. A fairly routine fly ball was hit to centerfield and …it was not caught – it was not even touched! Two runs scored, opening the floodgatesfor more runs and … we lost again … badly!

So, did this coach stick with his “beautiful plan”or were changes made that led us to victory? Please come back next week to findout!

Paul W. Reeves

The Coach's Son (Part 2)

2011-07-09T14:23:00.000-04:00

(Continued from July 2, 2011) ......So, the season began and I spent many hours developing lineup cards that wouldbe fair to all. Yes, in some cases, I realized that some of the better playerswould be sitting on the bench for a few innings, but my goal was to be fair toall and provide a positive experience for them!

Asevery single player had to be put into the batting lineup, there weren't manychoices there. My only choice was where to place each player in the order. Thefact that they had to bat in the lineup was a decision that had been already madeby the league rule book.

However,the decision-making came with placing players in the field. While I neverplaced a player in a position where he was doomed to fail, I did try to put theplayers in positions where they had a chance for success. In any event, allplayers were going to have several innings in the field. Sitting on the benchwas considered to be a temporary position for any boy.

Ialso developed something different for our team: instead of using thetime-honored tradition of playing a boy in the field for the first 3 innings andthen sitting for the final 4 innings (a tough position for any kid - knowingthat he just has to sit around for an hour or so with ZERO opportunity ofgetting back in), I rotated their innings.

Whilesome of the so-called “better” players played nearly every inning, the lesserplayers played innings 1-3-5-7 or 2-4-6 - I was careful to mix up the lineup,so that we had optimal players at the most demanding positions.

Byusing this method, I believed that I was guaranteed to have a guy's attentionon the game for the full game. Fortunately for all, this method worked andeverybody, including all of the players sand their parents, seemed to be happy,as every players and his parents were guaranteed 3 or 4 innings per game in thefield, regular turns in the batting order, and the opportunity to be directlyin each game until the final out.

Wow,I had certainly hit the home run with this long-anticipated philosophy that Iwas finally able to put in place as a coach. Letting the kids play regularlywas certain to be a major success ….......... or so I thought!

(Please come back next week for Part 3)

The Coach's Son (Part 1)

2011-07-02T09:16:00.000-04:00

Well, as we are full-blast into the summer baseball season on the local front, I have already received more than a few inquiries from dads-turned-coaches who want to know how much their own sons should play in comparison to the other kids on the team.

Similar to how it was when I coached, each player MUST play “X” number of innings per game or per week, thereby ensuring that perhaps better players will be on the bench for portions of the game, while some of the heretofore less than successful players get to play. After all, if they don’t play, they can’t improve!

When one adds to the equation that the parents paid the same entry fee and that many parents believe that their sons just might become the next Ty Cobb with a little practice and coaching, well, life can become interesting for a coach!

Way back in the dark ages when I was a child, my own dad was the coach of my team for 6 of my first 7 years in baseball. With his help on the fundamentals of baseball since I was old enough to walk, I was always one of the players who had been designated to play every inning of every game. There were several of us who fit this role and it was not an issue with the other parents that the coach’s son played all of the time, while others played more sparingly. Back then, the object of the game was to WIN!

Fast-forwarding several years, the object of the local game is to involve everybody on a mostly equal basis. However, since winning is still important, it is understood if certain players play more than others, as long as it is demonstrated that those players are clearly above the others in their levels of talent.

Some years ago, my older son was a fine baseball player. However, on that particular team (I was not the coach nor was I connected to the coaches), the two coaches played their sons for every inning for every game. One of the boys was a fine player, but the other was less than average. Nevertheless, both boys occupied important positions in the field and in the lineup for every inning of every game, while my son played about half of every game.

So, while I sat in the stands watching my son ride the pines while the coaches’ sons played all of the time with less ability, I silently seethed! I also observed what the coaches had to go through with other parents; I gained more respect for my dad’s previous coaching; and I always wondered how I would approach the same situation if I were to ever be a coach.

I had decided that, if I were to become a coach, I would play my son less than a full game, so that other parents would see me as fair. Yes, I had it all figured out: I would play my son for partial games; let others, including the less than talented, play more innings than other coaches would have allowed; and everybody would be happy ….. or so I thought!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Father's Day - Part 2

2011-06-25T01:00:00.004-04:00

(Continued from June 18, 2011) ........

15) The dad, a long-time computer guy long before computers found their way in to homes, told the son to get a computer, because he would need it for everything in life within a few yeas. The son refused. The dad then showed up at the son’s work one day with a huge computer – paid for by the dad. The son used it for years before upgrading a few times – the dad was right!

16) The son, for many years questioning the wisdom of his father, later in life learned that the dad had been far beyond his years in wisdom. Interestingly, the same scenario is unfolding with the son’s children many years later.

17) In the son’s neighborhood, ALL boys owned a BB gun. One day the son, an expert marksman in his own right (at least that's his story!), fired a shot at a garbage can – a normal occurrence. The dad was on the other side of the can and the shot scared the dad. The BB gun was instantly and permanently retired on that day!

18) In later life, after the dad was making a very good living, the dad told the son that there had been times during which the family had not been able to afford shoes for the two kids. Funny, the kids always had new shoes and everything else that they needed. The son never knew that funds were low when he was a little kid.

19) When the son bought a new front door for his own home, the dad asked the son how he would install it and he offered to help. The son declined the offer for help. On the next day, while the son was struggling with the directions, the dad showed up and installed the door. He just knew.

20) The son, watching his dad’s health get weaker with the job, watched his father’s face light up when he held the son’s baby daughter – moments that the son will never forget!

21) In the dad’s final summer, the dad and son bonded again while completing home projects together at the hours of the mom and dad.

22) When funds were quite low (although the son did not know this), the dad took out a loan to purchase a brand new Buddy Rich drumset for his son – the exact drumset that the son had always wanted! 35 years later, the son still owns this drumset; it is still in perfect condition; and the son’s son uses it now, too. Oh, and the son used the drumset to put himself through college and make a few extra bucks for married life.

23) Played catch almost every single day after work during the son’s formative years - this gave the son needed confidence to excel at baseball.

24) Coached the son in bowling – the son later went on to win the highest average in the league award several times, mostly because the dad showed a great interest in his son’s weekly battle with the lanes.

25) The dad, knowing that he was going to die in the hospital, refused to tell the son that he was even ill, so that the son would not worry; so that the son would keep working and not take time off; and so that the son would not see his dad in a suddenly frail state. However, at the moment of death, the son, 25 miles away and not even knowing that his dad was ill, knew that he had just lost a friend, a huge supporter, and his dad all at once.

O.K., with all of that unselfish fatherly love bestowed upon a son, you might think that the young man might become spoiled!! Well, ..... I don’t know ..... do you think that I’m spoiled????

That’s right! Those 25 items describe my own dad, but they only scratch the surface!

To the best father in the world – THANK YOU, DAD! I REALLY MISS YOU! If my kids someday consider me to be as great a parent as you – my life's mission will be completed. Thank you for the lessons on being a great parent!

Paul W. Reeves

Father's Day - Part 1

2011-06-18T01:00:00.004-04:00

Well, tomorrow is Father’s Day, the day on which tons of neckties and books are liberally given to dads all over the land! So, what are 25 of the top one million things that a father can do for his son (the son who will someday be a dad)? Well, spread over the next two weeks, here they are:

1) Coached his son’s T-Ball team when the child was only 7-years-old and encouraged and coached him while the son went 33-34 at the plate, after following his dad’s advice to hit everything toward 3rd base, because nobody at that age could fire the ball to first base in time to get the kid out!

2) Managed his son’s baseball teams at age 8, 9, 11, 12, 13, and 14. Had to miss managing the 10-year-old season due to a work commitment in another state – a season that the father and son always regretted.

3) Always expected more from his son in practice and games than he expected from the other boys. While the son felt somewhat pressured, he credits his dad’s driving him with his making the all-star team as the shortstop!

4) After the son continued to believe that the father was “too tough” on him in practice and in games, the dad agreed to step down as his son’s manager for the first time.

5) In one of his first games with somebody other than his father as the manager, the kid, now 15-years-old, pitched the 2nd no-hitter of his career. After the game, the son was barely able to get his father’s attention. The kid’s feelings were hurt. Later, after asking the dad for the reason behind the blow off, the kid learned that the dad had been near tears and would have broken down in front of everybody had the two spoken right after the game.

6) After refusing to get the kid another dog (the first two dogs had passed away within months of coming into the home), the father, after being away for 10 weeks and missing his son’s 10-year-old baseball season, allowed the son to get another dog – a magnificent collie who would become a buddy to the father and son.

7) After the magnificent collie passed away years later and after the son moved out and got married, the father got another collie.

8) After watching his son make two egregious mistakes in a basketball game in front of what seemed to be about a thousand people, the dad used the next morning to berate his child for his poor play and for embarrassing the family and the team. While the son thought that this treatment was harsh at the time, the son later realized that the ‘chewing out” had awakened him toward a quest for excellence in all that he did.

9) The dad wore a suit to work every single day – a trend that the son had decided to follow for his own career.

10) Although he had resisted purchasing a swimming pool for his children, the father eventually gave in; bought a pool; and the whole family used it as a gathering place for family fun for years.

11) Refused to let his son swim on game days until after the game, because the pros did not swim on game days.

12) Early on told the son that he would be going to college and he would earn at least one degree. There would be no discussing the matter. Nobody was more proud than the dad when the son walked across the stage to receive his B.A.

13) Demanded that the son perform regular tasks around the house, i.e., taking put the garbage, shoveling snow, etc. However, when the son started taking care of the lawn on days of 95 degrees, the dad told the son to slow down and not work so hard - apparently the dad believed that his years-long message had gotten through too well!

14) Even though the two had a breakdown in communication during the son’s final year of college, mostly due to the father’s stress at work, the dad later became a nightly visitor at the apartment of his son and new bride.

(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion of the Father's Day Top 25!)

Paul W. Reeves

Dad - Take Your Medicine! - Part 2

2011-06-11T09:34:00.002-04:00

(Continued from June 4, 2011) …… During the next 7 months, with the dad returning to full health, all of the family’s activities returned to normal, including bike riding, rollerblading, exploring in the backyard, vacation, and, well, Katrina and her dad were as happy as could be (the mom, too!) that all was back to normal!

Then ….. one Saturday morning about 7 months after the dad started to heal, the dad woke up and realized that he was devastatingly beat tired. No symptoms or sickness, just a day on which the dad knew that he would need to sleep a lot more to catch up from the previous weeks of activity. Not a big deal to the dad. At about 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, he told his wife that, even though he had been awake for only a few minutes, he would be going back to bed to sleep for a few more hours.

Katrina, upon noticing that her dad was still sleeping and suspecting that he was getting sick again, entered his dad’s room to wake him up and ask him to go for a bike ride. The dad told her that he was beat tired; he would need to sleep for a while longer; and that they could go for a bike ride later. 8-year-old Katrina, quite concerned for her dad, said O.K. and left the room.

At around noon, Katrina came back in and told her dad that he needed to get up, as the day was getting away from him and she knew that the dad wanted to go bike riding and that his favorite college football team would be on TV soon (Katrina knew that the dad would never miss a game of his favorite college football team!).

The dad again told Katrina that he was tired and would need to sleep more. Katrina asked him if he were sick and the dad told her that he was fine, but he needed to sleep more.

Katrina, becoming almost deathly afraid that her dad was about to sink back into poor health and maybe even die (remember, these are the thoughts of an 8-year-old), went to her room to pray and cry. She later told the mom that dad was sick and that he needed to get to a doctor. The mom tried to assure her that the dad was fine and that he just needed to sleep.

Katrina persisted so, at about 2:00 p.m., the mom and Katrina went to the bedroom to check on the dad. As they awoke the dad to check on his condition, the dad insisted that he was beat tired; he was not sick; and that he would get up soon.

The mom was convinced that the dad was fine and she told Katrina that all was well. However, Katrina was not convinced and she even suspected that the parents were trying to keep the bad news from her.

At about 4:00 p.m., Katrina, knowing that the dad should have had two doses of his medicine by now, asked the mom if the dad had taken his medicine. The mom said probably not, as he had been sleeping all day. The mom assured Katrina that the dad would take his medicine when he awoke.

Katrina, not one to wait around on the health of her dad and fully remembering what his condition was like before the medicine, immediately went to the kitchen, poured a glass of water, got two of her dad’s pills, and headed for the bedroom.

Katrina woke her dad and told him that he had to get up right away to take his medicine. The dad said that he was fine and that he would take his medicine when he awoke. Katrina said that he had to take it now, per the directions on the bottle.

The dad, instantly recognizing for the first time that Katrina was concerned that her dad was getting sick again, took the medicine with Katrina watching.

The dad told me that he saw a visible sense of relief within Katrina, as she believed that all was now well with the ingesting of the medicine. Within an hour or so, the dad, who usually did not sleep that much, arose from his nearly 14 hours of sleep to eat, get dressed, and go outside for, … you guessed it…. a bike ride with Katrina!

And there you have it, the love of a daughter for her dad to the point that she worried; prayed; kept on the dad to get up; and then finally insisted that he take his medicine might have provided the greatest gift of all from a daughter. She was only 8-years-old, but she took the bull by the horns to make sure that her dad would be around for a whole bunch of years by having him take his medicine!

By the end of telling this story, the dad was somewhat overcome by tears and his wife and I comforted him. He had been alive and had done just fine for about 30 years or so without Katrina. The fact that a little girl who had been created 8 years earlier had such a deep love for him as her dad was almost too much for the dad to take as he retold the story.

At some point, the mom and dad headed for the car. They asked me to tell Katrina to head for the car after she was done packing up from the concert.

About 10 minutes later, Katrina came to find me to ask if I knew the whereabouts of her parents. I told her that they were in the car waiting for her. Suddenly showing concern, Katrina asked if everything was O.K. with her parents. Resisting from telling her that she just might win the award for daughter-of-the-year, I simply told her that, “Yes, Katrina, everything is fine. In fact, everything is terrific!”

With a gigantic smile and a somewhat sense of relief from Katrina, she headed for the car to join her favorite parents!

So, how about you? As we prepare the descent to Father’s Day, tell me about the favorite moments when you realized that your kids were special!

Paul W. Reeves

Dad - Take Your Medicine! - Part 1

2011-06-04T09:23:00.003-04:00

Several years ago, I had a student named Katrina. Katrina was an excellent student, very appreciative of all things in life; made friends easily; and seemed to be destined for a terrific life!

One evening after a concert, I was telling her parents how well that Katrina had been doing in class and that I thought that she would make an excellent teacher. Her dad told me that Katrina had always been a very giving person – always concerned for the welfare of others. I told him that I wholeheartedly agreed.

The dad told me that she was the most special girl in the entire world. He seemed to get a little misty-eyed when he said that, but I could not figure out why. I had already had hundreds of these types of conversations with parents, but none that so quickly induced wet eyes with a father.

He asked me if I had a few moments to hear a story about his daughter. I told him yes, so he began this terrific story:

When Katrina was 8-years-old, the dad had been suddenly stricken with an affliction in which he lost about 40 pounds in 3 weeks; could not eat or drink without getting violently ill within seconds; had undergone several medical tests; and the doctors could find nothing wrong. In short, the dad believed that he had gone from a healthy and vibrant dad to one who was quickly on his way to checking out … permanently!

Katrina and her dad had a wonderful father-daughter relationship, as they did everything together, including bike riding, talking about friends, exploring the world, etc. In fact, despite his busy schedule, the dad always made time for Katrina. Yes, Katrina thought that her dad was the best dad in the whole world and the dad thought that Katrina was the best daughter in the world!

To see her dad riding a bike at break-neck speeds and rollerblading around the rink one day to becoming frail and unable to eat or drink only three weeks later had a devastating effect on Katrina. She loved her dad and she was willing to do anything to keep him alive. Of course, she was only 8, so her options were somewhat limited. All that Katrina could do was to be available to assist the mom in any way possible and pray.

At any rate, after three weeks of watching her dad glide quickly to what seemed to be a certain demise, the dad’s doctor sent him to a specialist. After hearing the symptoms, the specialist surmised that he knew what the problem was, but he also wanted to check for cancer.

After running the normal tests, the specialist determined that the dad was suffering from a treatable malady with medicine and that the dad should be as good as new within a few weeks!!! The doctor also explained that, had the dad not come in for the tests, his situation would have continued its quick downward spiral toward the end!

Wow, what a relief for everybody. It now seemed like the dad would be able to grow old with his favorite daughter and that Katrina would be able to have her dad for many years to come!

Well, the dad began to faithfully take his medicine three separate times per day and, just like the doctor said, he somewhat quickly came back to health with a renewed vitality. While his health started to get better right away, his energy and strength took a little longer, but by about the 8-week mark, the dad was as good as new. In fact, since he did not put all of the weight back on, he looked and felt better than ever!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Cheating is Never Good - Part 3

2011-05-28T01:00:00.001-04:00

(Continued from May 21, 2011) ...... A few days later, I received a telephone call from Karen’s dad. I fully expected a giant thank you and kudos! However, I instead received a minor tongue lashing because I did not intervene with Karen’s professor. They believed that a call from me would have gone a long way toward boosting Karen’s grade. I listened for a long time before I reminded him that cheating was never right; he had never coached Karen to cheat; and I told him that I was more than a little disappointed and surprised that he wanted me to help a cheater, even though it was Karen, get away with it!

He reminded me of how much he and his wife had done for me in the past and were still continuing to do. As such, he believed that I owed them as much in return.

While I wished that there had been something that I could have done to help with the grade, after all Karen was a great kid and here parents were terrific, the simple truth was that Karen had CHEATED and she had flirted with permanent dismissal from the university. Even if a phone call from me would have helped, it would have been wrong, as it would have taught Karen that it was fine to cheat and then get bailed out when caught.

Karen still called a couple of times a year and visited me once a year during the rest of her college years. Her parents did not keep up the contact and, when I called them on a few occasions, it was clear that they did not want to talk to me.

After Karen graduated from college with mostly “A’s”, a few “B’s””, and one “D-“, she came to see me. We talked about the old times in school, her college days, and her college years. Then Karen thanked me for my stand during her first year of college. She now realized that, had I gone to bat for her, she would have never learned her lesson and she might have relied on the plagiarism trick a few more times, instead of actually learning the material.

She told me that she had learned a valuable lesson and that she had me to thank for it. I told her that I was glad that she had understood and that I would have done the same exact thing for my own children. I also told her that it hurt me to watch her suffer with the "D-", but that I knew her long-term potential depended on following the right road.

I then asked about her parents. She told me that they had been upset with me for a few years and that the topic was discussed off and on since the moment that it happened. But, with a slight smirk, Karen told me that I might be getting a phone call from her parents in the near future. We finished our conversation and agreed to keep in touch over the years!

About a week later, Karen’s dad called me and said that he and his wife wanted to meet me for lunch. We set a day and time and ended the conversation.

On the day of the big lunch, I was just a tad uneasy, as I expected another to tongue-lashing over the cheating incident that occurred almost four years ago.

As I entered the restaurant, Karen’s dad and then her mom hugged me with some force! They profusely apologized for their previous behavior and their subsequent treatment of me. They said that it had taken four years, but that they now realized that I had done the right thing by not intervening for Karen and that now, four years later, they realized that my action had actually helped to make Karen a stronger person!

Well, it had taken four years, but I was finally back in good graces with Karen’s parents. To this day we are still friends and the incident has been forgotten – sort of! We still talk about it once in a while, but not often. Karen has gone to be highly successful (no surprise there!) in her chosen profession and her parents are continuing to offer their services to the school.

But, even though this story has a happy ending, it must not be forgotten that I was not interested in a pleasant ending as much as I was interested in helping a young college student to learn to do things properly, a lesson that would pay much higher dividends in life than a phone call to a professor.

I have shared this story with my own kids since they were quite young. Cheating is always bad; following the rules is always good; and … just like Karen, I will not bail you out when you knowingly break the rules! So far …. so good!

How about you? Have you ever had to choose between intervening for your kids when they have committed a nefarious act and telling them to buck up and accept the consequences and not repeat the act again? Let me know!

Ah yes, parenting continues to be difficult, but rewarding!

Cheating is Never Good - Part 2

2011-05-21T01:00:00.006-04:00

(Continued from May 14, 2011) ..... However, I told her that I had to know ALL of the facts before I would place a telephone call. The last thing that I wanted to do, I told her, was to call the professor or his supervisor and THEN receive additional information that would make it seem foolish that a telephone call had been made.

Karen began to cry over the telephone. She then gave a few more details that she had previously withheld.

While Karen had maintained an “A” during the semester, her final exam, which included a research project that had to be handed in on the day of the final exam, had been plagiarized. Yes, Karen, the All-America kid and former student, had cheated on her final exam and she had been caught.

Her explanation was that she had been stressed, overworked, and ran out of time to properly complete the project. She knew that she was wrong, but still wondered, actually she begged me, if I could intervene.

Similar to disciplining your own children, I had to explain to Karen that she had committed an egregious act; the professor could have, and probably should have, failed her for the class; the professor could have, and probably should have, sent her report to the compliance office, whereupon Karen would have been expelled from the university.

As such, I told her that I would not be intervening on her behalf. Rather, she should consider herself as fortunate, as her grade of a “D-“, while looking poor on her report card, helped to save her standing in the university. I also told her to NEVER cheat again, as it is never a solution to any issue. Proper planning, as she had done as far back as her middle days with me, is the only way to get through college.

I also told her that she would need to explain everything to her parents and face the music there. As her parents would soon be seeing her report card, it was best if she explained the situation before the card arrived.

She agreed that she had erred; that she would accept the “D-“; and that she would tell her parents.

(So, Karen told her parents and they thanked me for my intervention, right? Well, come back next week to discover the "joy" that awaited me!)

Paul W. Reeves

Cheating is Never Good - Part 1

2011-05-14T14:35:00.001-04:00

Several years ago, I had a student named “Karen” (not her real name, but she did give permission for this story). Karen was the perfect student, always respectful, hard-working, leader, intelligent, and popular with students and staff. Overall, she was a teacher’s dream to have in class.

Karen, along with several other students, made a habit of coming in my room before school, spending lunch in my room, and paying after school visits before she headed home. Additionally, as I had Karen in class for three years, I got to know her parents really well. Her dad used to coordinate the logistics of concert nights and cable television broadcasts and her mom was very active with distributing uniforms and planning our annual out-of-state trips.

It was always sad when students departed at the end of the year, sadder when they left for good, and especially sad when it was a student with whom I had formed a bond. She and her parents had even approached me to offer free babysitting services! We never took them up on the offer, but the offer was an extension of a great relationship between a teacher, student, and parents.

Although I heard from Karen a couple of times a year during her high school days, I had moved on to helping other kids and she had moved on to advanced studies and preparation for college. However, I still kept I touch with her parents. They were terrific people and my wife and I enjoyed their company. In particular, though, they continued to support our band program by helping other parents learn the ropes.

Near the end of Karen’s first semester of college, she called me at my office. While it was certainly great to hear from her, I could tell that she appeared to be in some distress, which, I assumed, was the purpose of the telephone call.

Karen did not waste much time getting to the point of her telephone call. She told me that a professor was giving her a “D-“ in one of her classes, even though she had maintained an “A” throughout the semester and even though she had earned a “B” on her final exam.

Clearly, this did not make any sense and I assumed that it was simply an error in the professor’s grade book. I dispensed my advice to Karen, which included telling her to speak with the professor about her grade. She told me that she had already spoken to him and that he had told her that her grade of a “D-“ was final. He also told her that if she pushed the issue, he would fail her for the class and report her to the office at the university.

An unusual story suddenly became much more dramatic, at least in my mind. How could a professor give an “A” student a “D-“ and then tell her to, in essence, keep quite or he would fail her?

Karen was attending the same university that I had attended in when I pursued my first college degree. As such, she thought that I might know the professor and she hoped that I would intervene with him. I had to tell Karen that I did not know her professor, but that I would be willing to make a telephone call on her behalf.

(So, did I call her professor to get the grade changed? Please come back next week to find out!)

Paul W. Reeves

Mother's Day - THANK YOU!

2011-05-07T01:00:00.003-04:00

Well, tomorrow is Mother’s Day, the day on which the second most telephone calls are made and the second most gifts are given in the year (Christmas is #1 every year)! So, what are 25 of the top one million things that a mother can do for her son (the son who will someday be a dad)? Well, here they are:

1) Make him feel loved, nurtured, and taken care of every single day

2) Be there when he is sick or upset and tend to his wounds

3) Make his favorite breakfast every day (with the understanding that his “favorite” will change on a routine basis)

4) Sacrifice her own needs and desires to make sure that her son’s needs and desires are met (without ever telling her son that she made sacrifices)

5) Having a complete homemade dinner ready every single night – other than the occasional pizza night

6) Ensuring that his clothes are clean for school every day

7) Completely washing, drying, and ironing his entire baseball uniform between games of a double header – in plenty of time to get him back to the field for the 2nd game

8) Shooting him a couple of extra bucks when he goes out on a date in high school even though the son never asked – she just knows

9) Somehow finding the funds – when funds are really tight – to purchase the professional drum set of his dreams – a drum set that he could then use to put himself through college, pay for gas and miscellaneous expenses, and even tuck away some cash for the future

10) Getting his drum set to the football field and unloading it by herself while her son practices with the high school band

11) Somehow finding the funds to send him to a jazz camp in Indiana, providing transportation to get him there, returning mid-week to deliver his own drums because he thought that he needed them, and then returning at week’s end to watch his concert, load the drums, and get him home

12) Making sure that he had a nice new suit for his first music gig

13) Never missing one of his endeavors, baseball, basketball, bowling, concerts, etc. - always there in the front row

14) Creating – from scratch – the perfect Santa Claus suit for his 2nd grade play

15) Being there to celebrate every single victory, both no-hitters, every hit and home run, every basket, every strike, and every musical note and still be willing to listen to him re-tell the stories of his endeavors on their way home and at home

16) When her son grows up – watching her grandchildren while her son and wife go away for the weekend – many times

17) Allowing him to get a dog when she really didn’t want one – and then also falling in love with the dog – and nurturing the dog in his final days after her son marries and moves away

18) Always telling her son that she has high aspirations for him in life and reassuring him that he will succeed as long as he works hard

19) Making him a full breakfast at 3:00 a.m. when her son gets home from a gig and is starving

20) Cooking complete dinners and delivering them to his home after he gets married, so that he and his wife will not have to cook late at night after returning home from work and night college classes

21) Always sensing when her son is under stress or duress and encouraging him to slow down and take a deep breath

22) Being supportive with her grandchildren – her son’s children – even when she might wish to give them a kick in the pants

23) Befriending her son’s wife through the years even though they did not always see eye-to-eye at the beginning stages of their relationship

24) Falling in love with her son’s new dog and becoming inseparable with the dog when they are together

25) When facing testing for her upcoming cancer surgery – telling her son to go to work and not worry .. she’ll take a cab to the hospital

O.K., with all of that unselfish motherly love bestowed upon a son, you might think that the young man might become spoiled!! Well, ..... I don’t know ..... do you think that I’m spoiled????

That’s right! Those 25 items describe my own mom, but they only scratch the surface!

To the best mother in the world – THANK YOU, MOM! If my kids someday consider me to be as great a parent as you – my life's mission will be completed. Thank you for the lessons on being a great parent!

Paul W. Reeves

Little Boy to Big Fiddler (Part 4)

2011-04-30T01:00:00.002-04:00

(Continued from April 23, 2011) …… But, then, the unthinkable happened. What happened next was not expected; not thought about in advance; and certainly no preparation had been made.

Early in the play, Tevye came back out to sing “If I Were a Rich Man”, all in full character, with the gestures of an old man coupled with a sparkling Russian Jewish accent. Who was this kid playing Tevye???

Not too long into the song, the floodgates opened for the dad. The dad, always the rock of the family, absolutely broke down and began to shed tears at his son’s performance, as Brady was no longer Brady, he was an old Russian Jewish man named Tevye!!!

As the “Tevye” role is prominent in the “Fiddler”, Tevye spends much of the play on stage, narrating, leading the family and town, and singing.

The dad could not get his eyes to be dry. He was quite thankful for the darkness of the theater, although he knew that intermission would be coming at some point! Intermission came and, of course, others in the area noticed the dad’s basket case appearance. The dad offered some sort of flimsy excuse about allergies, but everybody knew what was going on.

The dad looked at the mom and he was happy and surprised to see that she had been suffering from the same type of “allergies”!!

Nobody is really sure of where this started – perhaps it was when the dad awakened Brady as an infant by singing baby songs and substituting Brady’s name; perhaps it started when the mom, dad, and kids first started singing, dancing, and being silly on a daily and nightly basis; perhaps it started when Brady played a drum solo in front of a crown of about 600 people, even though he had only been playing the drums for two months – the crowd went crazy for Brady and maybe that was the moment that he realized that he liked being on stage! Who knows when or how or why it started?

What his parents do know is this: Brady has progressed in many areas of life to the point that other students, his older siblings, and even his parents admire his work, his preparation, his drive, and his overall approach to hard work, while still being very kind to everybody!

As the dad told Brady before opening night, Brady would remember his “Fiddler” performances for the rest of his life, due to the significance of the role. What he did not tell Brady was that the dad and mom would remember the performances for the rest of their lives, as well.

What the dad did not know beforehand was this: The “Allergies” would return every single time that his mom or dad even tried to think about Brady’s performances!

Brady – your parents did not think that you could have possibly made them prouder of you and the way that you approach life. But, you have far surpassed their previous levels of admiration for you! Keep up the great work in all that you do in life!

So, what is the lesson in all of this? The same thing that I have been saying for years: Spending quality and quantity time with your children; monitor their behavior to keep them out of harm’s way; encourage them in their efforts; always be there for them; and, of course, always know that your kids are watching YOU, even to the point that your silliness around the house might lead to the role of “Tevye” and severe “allergy” problems!

Now, if somebody could hand the dad a tissue – his “Allergies” are acting up again!

Paul W. Reeves

Little Boy to Big Fiddler (Part 3)

2011-04-23T06:00:00.008-04:00

(Continued from April 16, 2011) …… To help Brady prepare for the role, mom, dad, and Brady traveled about 6 hours one way to see a professional theatrical production of “Fiddler on the Roof”. In that 2-3 hour moment in time, it all came together for Brady. He noticed how the professional actor took command of the stage and how he made the play his own. Brady did not see a young man on stage playing an old guy. He believed that he actually saw Tevye. With that knowledge and additional coaching from home, Brady set out to become Tevye, not just a high school junior acting in the role. He became immersed in the script; practiced with the CD; and watched the movie of “Fiddler” many times to help him to prepare for the role.

Although the rehearsals were closed to parents, Brady would give a day-to-day rundown of the rehearsals. At one point, Brady came home and announced that he believed that he had finally become Tevye. He had gotten to the point to where he believed that he was actually thinking like Tevye and not Brady trying to be Tevye.

Wow, this was all new to the dad, but he was excited and encouraged that Brady was pleased with his rehearsals. In the days leading up to the opening night performance, the dad did not fully know what to expect. Quite honestly, the dad would have been pleased to see Brady get through this major role with not forgetting his lines or not hitting wrong notes while singing. In reality, the dad had no clue as to what to expect with Brady’s portrayal of Tevye.

Well, opening night finally came, and the mom and dad got there early to get front row seats. The show began with Brady/Tevye coming to give the opening speech of the play, which led to the full cast coming out to sing and dance “Tradition”. Through the opening moments, the dad could not see much of Brady on stage. Rather, he saw Tevye. Wow, what a great opening sequence of events for the dad to watch.

But, then, the unthinkable happened. What happened next was not expected; not thought about in advance; and certainly no preparation had been made.

Tevye came back out to sing “If I were a Rich Man”, all in full character, with the gestures of an old man coupled with a sparkling Russian Jewish accent. Who was this kid playing Tevye???

As the “Tevye” role is prominent in the “Fiddler”, Tevye spends much of the play on stage, narrating, leading the family and town, and singing.

The dad could not get his eyes to be dry. He was quite thankful for the darkness of the theater. He was quite thankful for the darkness of the theater, although he knew that intermission would be coming at some point! Intermission came and, of course, others in the area noticed the dad’s basket case appearance. The dad offered some sort of flimsy excuse about allergies, but everybody knew what was going on.

The dad looked at the mom and he was happy and surprised to see that she had been suffering from the same type of “allergies”!!

(Please come back next week for Part 4)

Paul W. Reeves

Little Boy to Big Fiddler (Part 2)

2011-04-16T01:04:00.003-04:00

(Continued from April 9, 2011) ........ A few months later, in the fall of Brady’s junior year of high school, he decided to try out for another play. He was given the part of a crazed and possessed mental patient, a role that he pulled off flawlessly and, again, used it to command the stage during his scenes.

The dad, again with no almost zero theatrical experience of his own, had some trepidation about Brady’s time on stage, as the dad was a tad worried that Brady might forget a line or two. But, it did not happen! Brady nailed the part and audience members gave tremendous kudos to him, even though it was not one of the main parts. Yep, ol’ Brady had found a way to capture the audience through a secondary part by nailing the character of a crazed mental patient!!

Jumping ahead to the spring of Brady’s junior year, he announced that he would be trying out for the next play, “Fiddler on the Roof”. He was hoping for a more prevalent role, but he also knew that there was a pecking order with regard to experience in the thespian troupe. Because of his demanding schedule away from the stage, Brady knew that he would not have time for a major role, but if he could get the part of Lazar Wolf, Mordcha, Rabbi, Avram, Motel, Perchik, or Mendel, he would be happy. But, in the true spirit of a thespian man, he would take whatever role he was assigned. The important part to Brady was just getting in the cast.

Well, on the day that the cast was announced, Brady called his dad to tell him that he did not get a part, but that he had been assigned to the chorus. The dad tried to comfort Brady, as he knew that the news was devastating to his son ………. Then Brady 'fessed up. Brady announced that he had been given the LEAD ROLE of TEVYE, a role that one program described as the following:

“Huge part - To dominate show - Big acting & singing role. To look mid 50’s. Larger than life character - strong character. Talks to audience, other characters and God. Village leader. Warmth and sincerity needed - also sadness. Resilient. Audience sees show through him”

The dad nearly jumped through the phone to hug his son. Brady was ecstatic and the dad could not have been more proud of his son. Incidentally, just for extra kicks, Brady also pulled the same stunt on his mom – always the comedic actor!

The dad, with his limited theatrical experience (although the dad had worked in the theater as a musician and he had performed for many years in other professional musical areas), tried to coach Brady on preparation and the techniques that the dad knew to be successful when preparing for something big! Brady listened intently; internalized the plan, and then set out to conquer the role of Tevye!

(Please come back next week for Part 3)

Paul W. Reeves

Little Boy to Big Fiddler (Part 1)

2011-04-09T06:00:00.006-04:00

I am reminded of a touching story between a dad and his youngest son, who shall be called Brady for this story. Over the next four weeks, I want to share a story of love, encouragement, and togetherness, all of which led to big things for Brady.

The had dad tried to do everything for and with Brady since his birth, including:

Teaching him about life; spending quality and quantity time with him; working in the yard with him; helping him to make the baseball team; later managing his baseball team which gave Brady the confidence to excel as a centerfielder and hitter; teaching him the drums before finding him a better teacher; sharing his sense of humor; monitoring his friendships and behavior; and always trying to serve as his teacher, mentor, and spiritual guide through life are just a few of the ways in which the dad helped Brady get to his high school years.

As it turns out, one of the best things that the dad ever did for Brady was to help to create a home that was constantly filled with music, humor, good moods, and a sense that all was well within the home.

Brady, always the astute observer of the dad, spent years studying his dad, eventually taking on his dad’s mannerisms, speech patterns, thoughts on life, and sense of humor, while also establishing his own identity.

Brady went on to excel in many areas of life, including sports, music, and school work, making the dad proud all along the way. The dad used to perform fairly well in all of the same areas, but it was clear that Brady had far exceeded his dad’s output of years ago.

The dad’s admiration for Brady continued to grow on a daily basis throughout the years. In fact, one could easily say that a mutual admiration society had grown between the two.

Although the dad danced around the house like a fool (no real dancing talent, just a good sense of rhythm and a willingness to frolic in a seemingly foolish manner!), created silly lyrics to existing songs and even created a few new songs with silly lyrics, and acted out various theatrical parts, especially including invented parts with accents from around the world, the dad had never actually been on the theatrical stage (other than performances as Santa Claus in 2^nd grade!).

Brady, after studying his dad carefully, began to engage in the same behavior early in his life, later excelling in matching and exceeding his dad’s ability to dance life a fool, sing silly lyrics that he created, and acting out theatrical parts with various worldwide accents! The two made each other laugh for hours at a time!

Even with all of this frivolity as an everyday practice in the house, the dad never even thought about the theater for Brady, nor had Brady ever expressed an interest in a thespian adventure. However, much to his surprise, in the spring of his sophomore year, Brady announced that he would be trying out for the school play – in a thespian group that had always been noted for its excellence. Wow, this would be a daunting task just to get in the play, but Brady was confident that he could pull it off ….. and he did! He was given the part of an eccentric doctor, a character that was perfect for the years-long practiced frivolity in which Brady had engaged for most of his life – and a practice in which Brady had watched his dad engage for his entire life.

Brady pulled off the role with apparent ease, as his appearance on the stage seemed to command the limelight during his scenes. His scenes were few, but the dad was told that Brady seemed to have a knack for getting into character and holding it for entire scenes. The dad wanted to tell the director that Brady had practiced for 16 years for this role, but he managed to keep quiet!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Kids Gone = Lonely Weekend - Part 3

2011-04-02T01:00:00.003-04:00

(Continued from March 26, 2011) .......... So, "everybody" was right all of those years ago. Your kids will grow up, break away in small and then giant steps, and eventually move out. As such, it is important to spend quality and quantity time with your kids, put aside work and personal pet projects, and well, just give your kids your time for as long as you can.

As I sat alone at the kitchen table for most of the weekend, or with an occasional whippersnapper stopping in to say hello and change clothes, I was met with conflicting emotions.

On the one hand, I was incredibly sad that my kids were grown and fully breaking away, not even needing me to get through their weekend like they use to need me. On the other hand, I was really happy that I had not blown their formative years by staying at work too long, working too much on personal pet projects, and that I had made sure that I was one of the most influential and driving forces in their lives.

So, yes, it felt like a transitional weekend, but a weekend that, when all was said and done, brought happiness because I realized that I had done at least O.K. as their dad.

The great cap to the weekend was when each offspring independently said to me, after having not seen me for most of the weekend, words to the effect that they were glad that I was home; it was great to spend time with me; and that they hope that I can be there all next weekend, too!!! WHAT???

Yes, apparently my mere nearly 24/7 presence in the kitchen during the weekend provided comfort for them, as they knew that their dad was available to come to their rescue if he were to be needed ...... just like he used to every single day when they were little!

In this blog and in other places I have probably said it a few million times by now, but be sure to love your kids with your heart, soul, and all of the time that you can find. You'll be glad that you did it; your kids will be glad; and someday they might even thank you for sitting at the kitchen table all weekend while they explored life outside of the house!

Paul W. Reeves

Kids Gone = Lonely Weekend - Part 2

2011-03-26T09:44:00.002-04:00

(Continued from March 19, 2011) ......... As the other two were departing, he told me that he and a few other musicians had planned to get together to work on a few songs. Not a bad idea, I thought, at least he’d still be home. Then he told me that the rehearsal would be at some other person's house!!!!

Well, alrighty again, I rushed home with big plans (of course, it would have been better had I actually shared the plans) and within an hour of arriving home, I was all alone with a couple of cheese-less pieces of pizza remaining! Not at all what I had planned!

Fortunately, I had about 20 hours of work-related tasks to complete during the weekend. So, finding myself all alone with no kids and no spouse, I hauled out the briefcase and got to work at the kitchen table. The whippersnappers arrived home at different times, but it was too late for a game of Scrabble or anything else, so we headed to bed.

On Saturday, with their work schedules, rehearsals, school dance, and studying groups, it became obvious that all four of us would not be in the house at the same time again. Ditto for Sunday!

Wow, I was certainly able to pound away at my work-related tasks all day and most of the night on Saturday and all afternoon on Sunday. We did have some foursome time together on Sunday, but nowhere near the entire weekend that I had envisioned.

So, what does it all mean? Well, many, many years ago, somebody told me that my little tykes would grow up, have activities of their own, and eventually move out of the house! Although we knew it to be true, we figured that we had a whole bunch of years to enjoy our kids and the time together before they began to break away.

Truth be told, we took that advice seriously and we spent as much time with our kids as was possible. Time at home on a daily basis, weekends together, and, of course, vacations together were the norm for us. We put aside many projects during the years to spend quality and quantity time with our kids. For example, a 20-hour work-related project on a weekend? That could have never happened when the kids were little. Now, out of necessity and schedules, it was easy to devote the time to the projects.

Yes, our kids have definitely been breaking away from the household over the past few years, making friends, working, going to college, playing in bands, being involved in school plays, etc. However, it took this particular weekend to have it hit home with me - a full weekend to devote to my kids and ..... NO KIDS WERE AVAILABLE!

(Please come back next Saturday for the final part!)

Paul W. Reeves

Kids Gone = Lonely Weekend - Part 1

2011-03-19T01:00:00.004-04:00

Ahhhh, coming home from being out of town and knowing that my wife would be out of town for the weekend at a conference, what could be better than an entire weekend to spend exclusively with my three whippersnappers (17, 20, and 23). Yes, it would be just like the old days, with dad giving up his entire weekend just to have fun with his three favorite kids!

Driving home, I could feel the excitement building in me, as I envisioned many hours of Yahtzee, Scrabble, perhaps some chess, a pizza or two or three, and, of course, the non-stop flow of popcorn!

Uh, well, instead of just planning a great weekend in my mind, perhaps I should have let my kids in on the plan. As it turns out, based upon a variety of unusual factors that came together all in one weekend, it turned out to be a somewhat different weekend than I had planned!

When I was about 30 minutes from home, I pulled over and texted all three kids with the message, “Anybody up for dinner?” My middle child wrote back to say, “I am the only one home – what did you have in mind?” OUCH! How could this be? Why weren’t the other two at home waiting for me like they did when they were 3, 6, and 9?

I called my son to discuss going out to dinner, just dad and his three kids. He loved the idea, but we would have to wait for the other two to get home – one of whom was still rehearsing for his school play and the other of whom was teaching dance.

About 45 minutes after I got home, my youngest son walked in the door and seemed excited to see me! I told him of our plans to go out to dinner and he told me the following, “Well, tomorrow is the big dance at school and *** and I are supposed to get together to make matching t-shirts? Fine, I thought, but at what time? He told me that he had to leave in about an hour.

DARN! If my daughter could get home soon, we could duck out for a quick dinner before my son had to get to his textile making project. Before long, my favorite daughter walked in. I told her of her of my great, terrific, and wonderful dinner plans to which she said, “Well, *** is home from the Coast Guard for the weekend and I had planned to spend some time with him.” DOUBLE OUCH! She told me that she had to leave soon.

Well, alrighty then, this was not working as planned! Going out to dinner was quickly canceled and we agreed to get pizza before two folks had to disengage from the home environment!

Ah, yes, I couldn’t wait for the pizza to arrive, so that the four of us would have at least some time together, just like the old days when it seemed as though we had pizza every Friday night! The pizza arrived and ……. THERE WAS NO CHEESE ON THE PIZZA! ......... OUCH #3!!!!

Wow, Friday evening was just beginning and I was about to quickly lose two kids and now no cheese?!?!? What happened to the good ol’ days?

We ate the pizza anyway and then my youngest and oldest prepared to depart the household., Oh well, I thought, at least I’d still have my middle child with whom to have some fun …… or so I thought!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Activities - Let Them Try (5)

2011-03-12T01:00:00.004-05:00

(Continued from March 5, 2011) ..... The overall point is not to boast about my daughter’s talents. The point is that we let our daughter TRY dance, as she had expressed a strong interest. Of course, she also expressed a strong interest in gymnastics, piano, softball, basketball, Girl Scouts, swimming, clarinet, and possibly 100’s of other activities – at least it seemed like it!

However, although we let her dabble in her chosen interests, we also made it clear that, as we had two other offspring and only two parents, she would have to make choices. Despite her desires, she would not be able to choose EVERYTHING as an option!

So, little by little, she whittled away activities from her list, until she was left with the world of dance and theater!

What if I had not taken my daughter to that dance recital when she was only three-hears-old? What if we had ignored her pleas to get involved in dance? What if we had just said no to her wishes? What if we had not encouraged her love of dance in the home?

If we had not done all of the above, it is clear that we would have destroyed her dream and, perhaps, her confidence with it. But, by saying yes, and keeping her other activities to a minimum, so that they did not dominate the family seven days per week, we were able to help her to learn, grow, develop, and excel in her chosen area.

So, although her name is not spoken in the same sentence as Beethoven and Ruth, she is on her way to a lifetime of fulfillment, helped along by the confidence and support that her parents gave to her!

So, let your kids try the activities in which they have an interest, within reasonable financial and time restraints and, who knows, maybe your child will grow up to be Ludwig Van Beethoven, George Herman “Babe” Ruth, …. or even a professional dancer with Broadway aspirations!!

Now, if she would only to remember to empty the cat litter between dance rehearsals …. ah well, a story for another day!

Yes, love your kids, spend time with them, help them in their pursuits, encourage them, and let them get out there and TRY IT – you’ll be glad that you did!

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Activities - Let Them Try (4)

2011-03-05T01:00:00.008-05:00

(Continued from February 26, 2011) ...... They were in there for what seemed like forever. Finally, the door opened and the hopefuls started to pour out and walk past me. I kept looking for my daughter, but I could not find her in the single line of hopefuls. Where could she be? After about a minute of looking through the crowd of those who had just auditioned, the rehearsal door closed again.

Where was my daughter? She was still in the rehearsal room alone with about five instructors and directors for the upcoming show. Either she had been a very bad girl or she was about to win an audition!

She came out about 20 minutes later. She told me that they had said nothing, other than that they were impressed with her abilities. She told me that we could start our journey home.

I told her that it would be respectful of the process to notify the front desk that she was leaving. After she told them that she was leaving, they said, “Did they measure you, yet?” My daughter said no, so they told her to have a seat for a few minutes and they would take care of her.

My daughter asked me why they were measuring her. I told her that it sounded as though they wanted to measure her for costumes and it appeared as though she had won the job!

We were right on both counts. My daughter, the long-ago three-year-old with the eyes-glued-wide-open at her first dance recital, had just completed her first audition against about 500 total hopefuls, many of whom had auditioned on other days, and she won!

Yes, my daughter was about to begin rehearsal for a big-time show that would feature dancing, singing, and acting – her dream had come true!

Since that time, she has appeared in multiple shows, as her name is on the A-List for directors and producers to call! Yes, even though she is about to graduate from college with a degree in Education, she wants to fully pursue her dream of Broadway!

Wow, from an innocent Friday night at a dance recital many years ago to pursuing Broadway! Quite a gal, I must say!

So, am I about as proud as a dad can be of his favorite daughter (my only daughter!)? Absolutely! Are we glad that she is our kid? You betcha!

So, what is the overall point to letting your kids try various activities when they express an interest? Please come back next week for the conclusion!

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Activities - Let Them Try (3)

2011-02-26T01:00:00.005-05:00

(Continued from February 19, 2011) ..... In early September, our 3-year-old daughter began dance class and, at the end of the first three-hour rehearsal, the teacher approached us and she told us that she had never seen a three-year-old who had been able to focus on the various dance steps for three entire hours.

After the third week of dance class, the lead teacher and her assistant approached us to tell us that our daughter appeared to be gifted in the area of dance as she had a natural ability to quickly pick up steps and master them before some of the older children were able to do so.

To say the least, our daughter was overjoyed that she was able to take dance classes, that she was being successful at dance, and that she would be able to wear many colorful costumes in the recital that was still almost 9 months away.

From the days of her first dance classes at three years old all the way through her first two years of college, our daughter continued to take dance classes. In addition, she had also become a dance teacher at the ripe old age of twelve!

Without question, at least in this dad’s mind, our daughter was made to dance!

So, what happened in the future from that first recital? Well, our daughter continued to take dance lessons, later augmented by singing and acting lessons, so that she would be able to further her dream of being on stage. She danced many solos (as well as with ensembles), she acted, she sang, and found multiple excuses to get on stage to perform!

She later entered many competitions, capturing first place in a 3-state competition and then finishing in the top ten in a national competition in New York City! Yes, our daughter had taken her love of dance from that first recital and was now a winner on the national stage!

During her second year of college, we encouraged her to audition for some big shows that would feature her dancing, singing, and acting. She was a tad reluctant at first, as she was not sure how she would match up against some of the top performers in the land.

Well, she finally made arrangements for an audition with a national show. She and I drove to the town the night before, got a good night’s sleep, and ventured to the audition where we waited …. and waited, .. and waited in a room with about 50 other hopefuls.

FINALLY – the director called her name along with the names of about 20 of the others. They headed off to a rehearsal room – I was not allowed to go down the hall! I had to wait alone!

Well, did she get the job? Please come back next week to find out!

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Activities - Let Them Try (2)

2011-02-19T01:00:00.007-05:00

(Continued from February 12, 2011) ..... So, on a warm Friday evening in early June, when my daughter was three years old, she and I ventured off to the dance recital hall to watch my students perform.

While I enjoyed watching my students perform and excel in yet another arena, I noticed that my daughter's eyes were wide open for the entire three-hour recital, as she seemed mesmerized by the colorful costumes, several different styles of dances, and the overall production.

On the way home that evening, I asked her if she would like to get involved with dates. I received one of the most enthusiastic affirmative answers that a three-year-old child could muster up. My daughter wanted to begin dance lessons immediately! She was instantly hooked and she wanted to be a star on the dance stage!

Keeping the Beethoven/Ruth analogy in mind, we contacted the dance instructor of the recital the next week and asked if our three-year-old daughter could take dance lessons. Unfortunately, she told us, three years old was simply too young to focus in dance class. The teacher told us to wait until our daughter was four years old before beginning dance lessons.

Upon breaking the news to a future hall-of-famer in the dance field, our daughter was devastated, as she wanted to begin dance lessons right away. We also knew that her ability to focus for long periods of time was already well-established. Paying attention in class would not be an issue for her.

We waited for about a month, and then we called the teacher again. This time, we talked to the teacher about our daughter's ability to focus for long periods of time and we asked the teacher if our three-year-old daughter could try dance lessons and, if the teacher believed that things did not work out, we would understand and we would withdraw our daughter from dance class and wait until she was four years old.

The dance teacher told us that she would think about it and that she would get back to us in August - still in plenty of time to begin dance classes in September.

To say the least our daughter was excited about the possibility that she might be able to start dance class. We continued to dance around the house multiple times each day, as she was still demonstrating her great desire to become a dancer right now!

Sure enough, in early August the dance teacher called us. She asked again about our three-year-old daughter's ability to focus. We assured her that our daughter would be able to focus in class, but, again, if things did not work out, we would withdraw her from dance class and resume when she was four years old.

(Please come back next week to find out how the dance class went for my favorite 3-year-old daughter!).

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Activities - Let Them Try (1)

2011-02-12T10:35:00.005-05:00

"Dad, can I play baseball? Can I join the scouts? Can I take swimming lessons? Can I join the YMCA? Can I take gymnastics? Can I take dance lessons? Can I? Can I?, Can I …………?"

Ah, yes, kids want to try EVERYTHING when they are young! Their likes and dislikes often change with the wind, the latest crazes, and their friends’ opinions. So, with only 1 or 2 parents, limited time, and limited funds, what is a parent to do when a child wants to try EVERYTHING?

Well, as you know, I have long been a proponent of allowing your kids to try the many activities in which they show interest throughout their childhood. Of course, time, finances, ability to get them to various locales, and other family issues need to be considered before finalizing plans.

Over the next five weeks, I will show you something that we did with our daughter to help her to fulfill her desire of trying different activities, while still limiting her choices until she had whittled them down to a manageable number. Also, by allowing her to try some activities (always within the established time and financial restraints of the family), she gained the needed confidence to be successful at her final chosen activity - a level of success that continues today!

So, yes, when kids get to try activities in which they have interest, you never quite know what is going to happen. After all, if Beethoven’s parents had not allowed him to try the piano, the world would have never heard any music from him. If Babe Ruth’s parents had not allowed him to try baseball, we would have never had the Great Bambino! However, by allowing their children to try piano and baseball, respectively, both kids grew up to provide tremendous output in their chosen professions.

Many years ago, when I was a teacher and my daughter was only three-years-old, several of my female students invited me to one of their dance recitals. While I was not necessarily looking forward to giving up a Friday evening for a dance recital, I did want to support my students. Plus, as an added bonus, I did take the opportunity to have my daughter go with me to watch the big girls dance.

I had consciously thought of having her try dance someday. She had a good sense of rhythm, she liked music, and I noticed that all of the girls who had taken dance lessons were also good students.

We had already spent the first three years of her life dancing around the house, sometimes trying to be serious but mostly trying to be silly. However she did seem to have a basic knack for dance and she certainly seemed to enjoy dancing with her dad!

So, how did the recital go and what effect did the performance have on my daughter's future life direction? Well, come back next Saturday to find out!

Paul W. Reeves

Birthday Tradition Continues (2)

2011-02-05T01:00:00.004-05:00

(Continued from January 29, 2011) .... At any rate, my daughter recently celebrated her 23^rd birthday on a Thursday. As I was going to be out of town on that morning, I decided that we would perform her “Happy Birthday” song two days later on Saturday. I did not tell anybody of this plan, but I figured that it would work.

In lieu of being there to perform and continue the tradition, I recorded a special version of “Happy Birthday” in mp3 format for my daughter and I e-mailed it to her the night before, knowing that she would listen to it shortly after she awoke on her big morning.

However, our youngest son (17-years-old) had apparently decided on his own that this tradition of performing “Happy Birthday” on the morning of the birthday MUST continue – even in my physical absence. On the morning of our daughter’s birthday, he took it upon himself to enter his sister’s room with a boom box, cranked up the volume to max, and then played a CD recording of “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang!

Interestingly, I am told that my daughter immediately woke up laughing and thanking him (not the reaction that most of us would have had with such an abrupt wake-up call!), as she was thankful that the tradition had been kept alive!

Yes, the little whippsnapper just could not stand the thought of a long-standing tradition being stalled by two days, so he did the best thing that he could think of on the spur of the moment – blasting “Celebration” seemed just about right to him!

My wife called me right away to tell me of the news – that our kids had kept one of my (and our) birthday traditions alive for another year!! She was laughing as she told me and I soon joined in the laughter with her, both pleased as punch (“Pleased as punch?” – Hmmm, maybe I am becoming lame!) that our kids were keeping this tradition alive on their own.

Yes, the thought that our kids think highly enough of one of our family traditions to keep it alive on their own is certainly pleasing to both parents.

The thought that this just about cements the thought that they will do the same with their own kids someday is a feeling that is too good to describe!

So, how about you? Do you have any family traditions that bring joy to you and your family – traditions that you keep doing year after year out of joy? If so, please pass them along. Thank you!

Paul W. Reeves

Birthday Tradition Continues (1)

2011-01-29T18:29:00.011-05:00

Have you ever started a family tradition that has carried on throughout the years? Some of ours have included:

Sharing Thanksgiving dinner together and then planning to put up our Christmas tree on the day after Thanksgiving.

Attending Christmas Eve service in the evening and then getting Chinese food to bring home (a tradition that started by accident when we first went to a late Christmas Eve service – only to find zero restaurants opened for business, until we came by a Chinese Restaurant near our home – we have done the same every year since).

And, of course, as I wrote last week, celebrating our kids’ birthdays twice – once in the morning of the big day and once on the next weekend complete with cake and ice-cream!

But, have you ever started a family tradition that you later saw your children continue to carry out? If so, you know that this is one of the richest rewards that you can experience!

I have often told my kids that, as lame as they might find me to be as they get older, they will use some of my parenting skills and silly family traditions with their own families.

Little by little, there is evidence that I am correct! YES!! My kids are all too happy (at least in this case!) to admit that their dad just might be on to something.

Here are the details:

As I shared way back on April 25, 2009 (http://paulwreeves.blogspot.com/2009/04/happy-birthday-to-me.html), we have started each child’s birthday morning by getting all other family members to quietly enter the birthday person’s bedroom in the morning and then wake them up with a variety of musical “Happy Birthday” performances, complete, in various years, with guitars, drums, trumpets, trombones, clarinets, and, with great pride, some terribly off-key singing, mixed in with some in-tune singing for good measure!

Yes, a truly awful, yet strangely pleasurable, way to be awakened on the big day!

All in all, since this tradition started when our youngest child was a year old, our kids have looked forward to this every year with the same anticipation with which one looks forward to Christmas! It’s a great family tradition; they love it; we keep doing it; and I just know that they will do the same when they have kids someday (hey, maybe they’ll invite grandpa over in the morning to help!).

So, what happened this year to keep the tradition alive while I was out of town? (Please come back next Saturday to find out!)

Paul W. Reeves

Let Us Eat Cake!

2011-01-22T01:00:00.003-05:00

How was your birthday celebrated when you were a child? Was it a big deal in the home, an important day to be celebrated when more time would be available, or was it just another day?

When I was a young whippersnapper, my parents made birthdays an important part of our family’s culture. Each year on my birthday morning, my parents would awaken me together and wish me a happy birthday. It was a great way to wake up, with both parents letting me know that they were glad that I was their child!

In some years, my parents gave my birthday present to me in the morning and other years they waited until the evening.

My friends also had parents who thought that a child’s birthday was a pretty big deal, so all of us in our neighborhood grew up believing that birthdays were important!

Fast-forwarding several years, before we had any children, my wife and I encountered a distant relative who gleefully announced that she celebrated each person’s birthday together on the same day! “One cake, one day, and it’s over until next year” was the accepted mantra in that family! Each year on the 4^th of July, her family celebrated birthdays that had been observed in February, May, and June, thereby, in my view, negating the special feeling for each child on his/her special day.

My wife told me that she believed that celebrating birthdays on the closest weekend day was her thought of celebrating our future kids’ birthdays. However, after I told her how my made parents made me feel extra special on the actual date of my birthday each year, we agreed to somewhat celebrate each child’s birthday on the actual birthday morning with a larger celebration coming on the weekend.

So, as all three of our children were born in January, while we have a mini-celebration each birthday morning (please click on the link to read my post on celebrating birthdays - http://paulwreeves.blogspot.com/2009/04/happy-birthday-to-me.html), we have the larger family celebration on the following weekend for each child, with each birthday celebrated with music, a gift or two, photos, and, of course, a cake for each child!

While each child gets his/her big wake up call on the morning of their own birthday, they also get to feel special on the next weekend, as all eyes are on them for their special day!

And, as you have already calculated, this means that we are eating cake on three consecutive weekends! And, of course, cake is not complete without ice-cream. And, as you already know, since there is too much cake to eat in one day, there is cake for the whole week and with three children, we have cake (and ice-cream) in the house for three straight weeks in January each year!

Healthy? Not even close! Extra treadmill use in January? YES! Special for the kids? Absolutely!!

And that is why we continue to do it. Each child gets a birthday greeting and song on the birthday morning followed by a celebration, cake, and ice-cream to look forward to on the weekend.

So, while I prepare to eat my final piece of cake (or two or three!), please send along your ideas on celebrating birthdays in your home!

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Drug Use Increases (Pt.3)

2011-01-15T01:00:00.007-05:00

(Continued from January 8, 2011) ...... One of my beliefs in the rise in drug taking, smoking, and drinking, is the fact that our children are not as carefully watched as they used to be in the good ol’ days. As children, all of us knew that one slightly less-than-favorable act in our neighborhood probably meant that a few telephone calls would be made to the parents’ house!

Additionally, our parents always made sure that they knew where we were, with whom we were spending time, 100% nixed any relationships that they believed would not be healthy for us.

As I wrote back on January 23, 2010 (http://paulwreeves.blogspot.com/2010/01/teen-drug-abuse-part-2.html), “Again, it goes back to peer pressure, kids feeling unloved, and drug use taking the place of good friends and actively involved parents. After all, no matter who lets the kids down, their old friend “marijuana” is always ready to comfort them. That, coupled with the fact that marijuana is readily accessible, provides a double-edged sword to drug use among teens!

Again, before it is too late, check out everything that your kids are doing, with whom they are doing it, and monitor their expected arrival times. It only takes one lapse in parental responsibility for a child to dive into the deep end of the drug use pool.

Publish Post

Are you scared or alarmed? Good, you need to be. Without question, after seeing literally hundreds of students and parents over the years in my office to discus this exact issue, drug use among our teens is at an all-time high, it’s getting worse, and our kids see no problem with it. Your time to be involved is now. Yes, they’ll think that you’re a pain in the neck, but at least they’ll be alive and healthy. Oh, and a good back rub can take care of that pain in the neck!”

Of course, the bottom line is this – our kids are drinking, taking hardcore drugs, and smoking marijuana at alarming rates! Yes, I know – we have to work harder than our parents did to protect our kids. We have to hide medicine, we have to hide alcohol, we have to keep checking on our kids to make sure that they are following the rules and expectations, and, yes, it can be quite tiring.

Keep a close eye on your kids, their Internet activity, their friends, their telephone calls, and especially their whereabouts when they are not in your home – you need to make sure that your child does not become one of the 20% of our kids who are smoking marijuana, drinking, or taking hardcore drugs. Also, be sure that you know what your kids are doing each day (and with whom!) between the time that school dismisses and the time that you get home.

Again, as I have said so often, nobody said that parenting would be easy. However, by watching your kids closely and putting safeguards in place, you can help to deter the negative behavior that has become so prevalent with our kids today. Remember, it only takes a few moments to smoke a marijuana cigarette, drink alcohol, or take hardcore drugs.

Keep your eyes on your kids! Sure, they might not like it, their friends might mock you, perhaps even other parents might look at you with disdain, but the last laugh is with you and your kids when the day comes that you realize that your children have made it to adulthood without trying or experimenting with the evils or drugs or alcohol.

Also, please pass along any safeguards that you have put in place with your kids and I might use them in a future post. We’re all in this together!

Hang in there and keep up the great work with your kids!

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Drug Use Increases (Pt.2)

2011-01-08T01:00:00.005-05:00

(Continued from January 1, 2011) ..... "These high rates of marijuana use during the teen and pre-teen years, when the brain continues to develop, places our young people at particular risk," said Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, in a statement. "Not only does marijuana affect learning, judgment, and motor skills, but research tells us that about one in six people who start using it as adolescents become addicted."

Well, now we go from behavioral and disciplinary issues to the added issue of the retardation of brain growth. According to the report, marijuana use affects learning, judgment, and motor skills when used in adolescence. Concerned, yet?

The perception that regular marijuana smoking is harmful decreased among 10th-graders from 59.5 percent to 57.2 percent and among 12th-graders from 52.4 percent to 46.8 percent in 2010.

"We should examine the extent to which the debate over medical marijuana and marijuana legalization for adults is affecting teens' perceptions of risk," Volkow said. "We must also find better ways to communicate to teens that marijuana use can harm their short-term performance as well as their long-term potential."

These last two paragraphs, of course, illustrate a large part of the problem – over half of our 10th grade kids do not believe that regular marijuana smoking is harmful.

The use of the drug Ecstasy also increased, according to the survey, with 2.4 percent of eighth-graders and 4.7 percent of 10th-graders saying they had used the drug in the past year. That's up from 1.3 percent and 3.7 percent, respectively.

Although abuse of the prescription drug Vicodin during the past four years decreased among high school seniors from 9.7 percent to 8 percent, the use of OxyContin, another prescription opiate, stayed about the same for 12th-graders at 5.1 percent.

How do our kids get their hands on Ecstasy and Vicodin? We would have been afraid to touch a candy cigarette and now a few kids are actually able to acquire hardcore drugs.

In a bit of good news, binge drinking continued to drop. Among high school seniors, 23.2 percent reported having had five or more drinks in a row during the past two weeks, down from 25.2 percent in 2009 and a drop from the peak of 31.5 percent in 1998.

Well, some good news – sort of. Yes, binge drinking has decreased, but we still have over 20% of our high school seniors engaging in the nefarious act.

(Please come back next Saturday for the 3rd and final part)

Paul W. Reeves

Kids' Drug Use Increases (Pt.1)

2011-01-01T01:00:00.008-05:00

Well, first of all, Happy New Year! I truly hope that you have a terrific, healthy, and fulfilling 2011.

Not to intentionally start off the new year with a negative story, but I recently read a newspaper article in which the author indicated that new research has shown that there is increased use of marijuana, hardcore drugs, and alcohol – not by adults, but by kids as young as 13-years-old!

Over the next 3 weeks, I will share the story with you, as well as my commentaries. The time to act to protect our children is now! Read on for some frightening thoughts on our kids today.

In a recent story by Rob Stein in the Washington Post, he reported that, “Marijuana use continues to increase among young people in the United States, according to an annual federally funded survey of drug, alcohol and cigarette use among U.S. youths.”

That one sentence should be enough to scare the daylights out of parents of little, medium, and big kids, as well as parents-to-be and grandparents. Read it again – “Marijuana use continues to increase among young people in the United States ……”

The remainder of Mr. Stein’s story appears below in bold print with my comments in regular print.

The proportion of eighth-graders who say they smoke marijuana daily increased from 1 percent to 1.2 percent between 2009 and 2010, while the rate among 10th-graders went from 2.8 percent to 3.3 percent, and among high school seniors from 5.1 percent to 6.1 percent, according to the Monitoring the Future Survey, which questioned 46,482 students from 396 public and private schools.

8^th graders are using marijuana and their use is increasing? Can you read that and not get worried or angry about the current state of our children in the country? Our children of middle school age are using marijuana at an increasing rate! When I was a child in the Dark Ages, a few kids (we called them burnouts or bad kids) smoked an occasional cigarette, but nobody experimented with marijuana at that age. Perhaps it was not available or perhaps they were scared out of their wits as to what their parents would do.

In either scenario, middle school kids did not use marijuana back then, but they use it now and the rate of use is on the rise!

Because cigarette smoking has been declining among high school seniors, marijuana is now more popular than cigarettes by some measures. In 2010, 21.4 percent of high school seniors had used marijuana in the past 30 days, while 19.2 percent had smoked cigarettes, according to the survey, which is conducted by the University of Michigan.

Think about those numbers for a moment. Over 1 in 5 high school students uses marijuana. If a teacher has 30 students in his/her class, 6 of those students use marijuana. If a high school has 500 students, over 100 of them use marijuana. Is there any question as to why behavior and discipline issues are on the rise in our schools in this country? Based upon the research, over 20% of our high school kids are high or suffering from the effects of marijuana.

(Please come back next Saturday for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Merry Christmas!!

2010-12-25T01:00:00.003-05:00

Finally, Christmas is here!! It’s time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and, in keeping with the American tradition, give tons of presents to your kids!

Have you ever considered the gift that your child wants the most? A bike? No. A guitar or drum set? No. A computer or software? No. How about an iPod? No.

Although I have never met a child who has refused to accept the aforementioned gifts, the gift that your child truly wants is ................... YOU!! Yes, despite their daily rants about the restrictions that you place upon them, the multitude of “unfair” accusations that are lobbed your way, and the total disdain with which they look at you sometimes, the most important gift to any child is YOU and your TIME!

Similar to my own story with my own son, a few years ago, a 6th grade student (11 years old) named Robert told me about the harrowing experience that he had encountered with his dad during the previous weekend. His dad was hanging Christmas lights from their gutters on their 2-story home. It was somewhat windy and his dad even mentioned that he was a little concerned climbing up and down the ladder. At one point, he told his son to hold the bottom of the ladder just in case the wind decided to wreak some havoc.

Quite quickly, Robert became worried and he began to visualize the worst - how would his life change if his dad bought the farm while trying to beautify their home for the season? Within moments, Robert implored his dad to forget the lights for the season or try on another day. His dad told him that he would be too busy on all of the future weekends before Christmas. So, it was now or never. Robert voted for never.

Despite the bikes, guitars, drums sets, iPods, etc., that Robert’s mom and dad had provided in the past or might provide in the future, at that very moment he learned that his most important gift was his parents. He realized that, most important of all, he liked having his mom and dad home early from work; he liked their help with homework; he liked knowing that his dad would battle the “bad guys” if they broke in during the night; and he realized that his mom and dad took care of all of his needs because they loved him.

Without his parents and the time that they spent with him, Robert, on that windy Sunday afternoon, suddenly realized that he would have nobody to take care of him. Needless to say, according to Robert, his gift "needs" changed on that day.

When I asked Robert about that incident a few years later, he reiterated that the windy Sunday had changed him forever, from being a greedy kid who wanted tons of presents to a kid who smiled each night before he went to sleep, complete with the knowledge that he had parents who were in the same house and that they loved him!

So, yes, despite their constant blathering about their parents and their foibles and other deficiencies, kids are happiest and most secure when they have parents who love them, spend time with them, provide for their needs, have fun with them, and provide the emotional security blanket that they so richly need.

Merry Christmas and give your child the most needed and most precious Christmas gift of all ...... YOU!

Paul W. Reeves

Child Abuse - The Signs (Pt.3)

2010-12-18T01:00:00.023-05:00

(Continued from December 11, 2010) ........ Since the time of dealing closely with Matt and then hearing his confession later, Mr. Roberts learned of the signs of child abuse. According to the U.S department of Health and Human Services, the signs of child abuse can be the following:

Shows sudden changes in behavior or school performance
Has not received help for physical or medical problems brought to the parents' attention
Has learning problems (or difficulty concentrating) that cannot be attributed to specific physical or psychological causes
Is always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen
Lacks adult supervision
Is overly compliant, passive, or withdrawn
Comes to school or other activities early, stays late, and does not want to go home

Yes, all of the classic symptoms were there, but they were not recognized by anybody on the staff, including the Principal, Counselor, Social Worker or by Mr. Roberts. Sadly, at the tender age of 25-years-old, Mr. Roberts had never known of the signs of child abuse. In his neighborhood as a child, this just did not occur – well, as far as he knew.

But, through Matt’s visit several years later and through studying the signs of child abuse, Mr. Roberts and his staff has saved several children from the horrors of abuse. Sometimes they have dealt with the parents directly and other times they have handed them over the authorities. In all cases (too many to count), the abuse stopped, which, of course, was the main goal.

So, what the purpose of Matt’s visit? Oh, he wanted to invite Mr. Roberts to his wedding (to a young lady who had also been in his Band for 3 years); to tell him of the abuse; and to tell him that he had confronted his mother; she apologized; and he forgave her ……. but he was going to get married and move about 200 miles away from, just to be sure! At least his sense of humor had remained intact!

Yes, Matt’s hanging on to Mr. Roberts for 3 years of his life, and later sharing his story, led to multiple other children being saved from the horrors of child abuse. Because of Matt’s turmoil and subsequent sharing, everybody associated with Mr. Roberts' school learned to recognize the signs of child abuse.

Great job, Matt! You are one, brave, young man and everybody is proud of you!

To all of the parents out there – if you abuse your child, we’ll find you and we’ll report you. DON’T ABUSE YOUR KIDS!

Our kids were given to us as a blessing. Be sure to love them; treat them well; prepare them for the rigors of life; discipline them when you need to; and always treat them with loving care; and, as always, TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOUR KIDS!

Paul W. Reeves

Child Abuse - The Signs (Pt.2)

2010-12-11T01:00:00.007-05:00

(Continued from December 4, 2010) ......... One of Mr. Roberts' biggest disappointments with Matt is that he let all of the students down by missing a concert during his final year, as he did not show for school one day or for the concert later that night. As he provided the bottom of the Band sound, his absence was noticed by all and it changed the level of success for the program.

The next day, Matt bounced in all excited to see his favorite teacher, as though nothing wrong had occurred. Mr. Roberts asked him to have a seat, so that they could discuss his absence. Matt explained that he had been absent from school and, as such, he did not have to attend the concert. By being absent from school, he was guaranteed that his grade would not suffer! For a dedicated Band student, this explanation just did not make any sense.

He was right about his grade, but what about his responsibility to the other students, the overall Band, and to Mr. Roberts – especially after he had just about given him everything that he had over nearly 3 years? Mr. Roberts told him that he was extremely disappointed in him, that life was about more than taking care of one’s own needs, and that, if he had known that he was going to pull this stunt, he would have given the Bass Clarinet to another student.

He laughed a little (not the reaction for which Mr. Roberts was hoping!), before attempting to blow off the whole affair with a shrug. The teacher then verbally, and a little more loudly than normal, chastised him for missing the concert and for his flippant attitude on the day after. FINALLY, he seemed to get through to him, as he Matt FINALLY seemed to realize that he had blown it in a big way with Mr. Roberts!

A few months later, the school year ended and so did Matt’s time with Mr. Roberts. It was time for him to move on to the high school. On the final day, Mr. Roberts told him that he wanted him to keep in touch and to visit often. He hugged Mr. Roberts quite hard (Truth be told, it was possible that Matt could have cleaned Mr. Roberts' clock, had that been his desire!) and Matt told him that he would miss him!

Mr. Roberts saw Matt a few times after that final day. He came to visit him after school and he came to a few concerts. But, eventually, he stopped coming around and Mr. Roberts had moved on with other kids.

However, even after his visits stopped, Mr. Roberts often thought about why he had never been able to figure out why Matt had totally blown off the concert, especially after all of the bonding that the two of them had done. Mr. Roberts could also never quite figure out Matt's massive mood swings. Even though Matt and Mr. Roberts had patched things up at the end of that final year, the teacher never quite got over Matt's behavior ……. until a few years later.

Several years later, long after Mr. Roberts had left teaching and had become a Principal and after Matt had entered adulthood and the working force, Matt suddenly showed up one day! They embraced, told each other that they had missed each other, and began to share stories of days-gone-by!

After about an hour of sharing the good times and several laughs, Mr. Roberts just had to pop the question. He just had to get an answer as to why the now 21-year-old Matt had blown off the concert way back in 8^th grade. His response still sends chills up and down Mr. Roberts' spine each time that he thinks of it.

He told Mr. Roberts that his mother regularly and severely beat him when he was a child, always in places that could not be seen while wearing normal clothing. The night before the missed concert, his mother had beaten him so badly, that he had been unable to come to school the next day and he had been afraid to ask his mother to allow him to go to the concert out of fear that he would get beaten again.

Although he seemed to be telling the truth, Mr. Roberts still asked some leading questions, such as why didn’t he tell him when he had been standing by his side for 3 years? Why didn’t he tell anybody? And why didn’t he call protective services?

You can probably already guess the answers. It is the same old story. He didn’t tell Mr. Roberts, because he knew that he would have done something about it. He also knew that, at some point, he would be left alone with his mother to face the music on his confession and he feared more beatings. He didn’t tell other adults for the same reason.

He HAD called protective services on a few occasions, but he had been coached by his mother as to what to say – he said nothing other than that life was fine and that his mother never beat him. This often-repeated lie to the authorities spared him more beatings.

After all of those years, Mr. Roberts had finally learned of the reasons for Matt’s changing moods while in school and he had learned of his reason for missing the concert. This fine, young man, the kid who was always with Mr. Roberts for 3 years and needed the teacher for direction in life, was regularly and severely beaten by his mother …… and nobody ever saw it, as he had mastered the art of hiding the activities.

(Please come back next Saturday for the final part and to learn of the signs of child abuse)

Paul W. Reeves

Child Abuse - The Signs (Pt.1)

2010-12-04T01:00:00.005-05:00

As we are heading into the Christmas season, I was recently reminded that the holidays are often a ripe season for the increased horrors of child abuse. While we don’t want to get everybody down during the Christmas season, over the next 3 weeks, I have a powerful story to share that just might help at least one child avoid, or be rescued from, this disgusting and horrific situation.

Many years ago, a fellow Teacher/Band Director named Mr. Roberts had a student named Matt (not their real names – although they have given permission for me to share this story). Matt used to go to Mr. Roberts' room before school, spent his whole lunch with him (as did many other kids), and visited him after school. Matt did not have a father, so Mr. Roberts did not mind spending the extra time with him. He had no children of his own at the time, so the relationship was good for both of them.

Matt’s classroom behavior was unpredictable, at best. Some days he would be an all-star student; sometimes he would be a royal pain in the elbow; sometimes he would challenge others to fisticuffs; and other times he assumed a leadership role within the class. Often he would seem to be passive and compliant, although he could easily be obstinate, as well. He also seemed to always have a cold or the sniffles and it seemed as though he trusted absolutely nobody! He had an unnatural fear that a student would try to steal a portion of his lunch.

Other kids seemed to like him, but there was also a slight fear of him. Matt was a physically tough kid and it appeared as though he could clean anybody’s clock if so challenged.

After spending 2 years in his Band class, Matt signed up for a 3^rd year of Band AND Mr. Roberts' Spanish class. His behavior in Spanish was the same as Band; sometimes a pleasure to have in class and other times a candidate for pain of the year!

However, through all of his antics, Matt was a likeable kid. He seemed to have some struggles in life, but Mr. Roberts knew that he was capable of working hard and succeeding.

He took on Matt as a special project without telling him. With no father, a less than fully supportive mother, and not many fair shakes in life, Matt seemed to need direction and pushing. Mr. Roberts was happy to provide both.

For 3 years he directed and pushed Matt toward success. Yes, the harder that he pushed, the harder that he pushed back, but the more that he seemed to enjoy the attention and appreciation for his efforts.

Matt went from a sorry sounding clarinet player to an outstanding bass clarinet player – the rock of his Band! He also went from a kid who struggled in English to a kid who mastered Spanish I at the 8^th grade level. Yes, for a young man who had always struggled academically, he was showing positive signs!

Matt began to push others toward excellence, as well. His methods, as Mr. Roberts later found out, sometimes included physical intimidation and even some punches on the arm, but Matt usually got his results and his way with the other kids.

During the years that he had him as a student, Mr. Roberts never quite figured out the cause for Matt’s dramatic mood changes, sometimes within the same class period. Happy, sad, mean, nice, leader, physically aggressive, verbally aggressive, and helpful were just some of the emotions that Matt displayed on a regular basis.

(Please come back next Saturday for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Kids+Hospitals+Dinosaurs (Pt.3)

2010-11-27T01:00:00.002-05:00

(Continued from November 20, 2010) ..... O.K., now for the rest of the story ……….. with his mother and I living on pins and needles for years after that emergency room and hospital stay, our son, at the ripe-old-age of 13, was discussing his long-ago emergency room visit and hospital stay with us.

We marveled that the doctors could not ever find anything wrong; we discussed the massive pain that did not seem to have a source; and we discussed the fear in which we lived while he recovered, as well as the concerns that had been on our mind ever since that night 9 years ago.

Then my son made an announcement that left us unsure as to whether to jump up and hug him or immediately place him on e-Bay!! Don’t worry, we hugged him!

He announced that he had always been surprised that the doctors could not find the reason for his pain, as he had known the reason at the time (O.K., this was getting interesting now!)!!

He told us that he had been “playing dinosaurs” on that day, imitating different types of dinosaurs on the grass in the yard and even eating the grass, just like a real dinosaur, ……….. AFTER I HAD FERTILIZED THE WHOLE LAWN!!!!!!

So, there you go. After years of living on the edge with the next possible stomach attack for our son, he now revealed that the solution was simple – he just stopped eating the grass while playing dinosaurs!!

Well, of course, doctors with years of training and practice, parents who cared for him, parents carefully watching every bite that he took for years, and the 4-year-old knew the answer the whole time – JUST QUIT EATING THE FERTILIZED GRASS! He didn’t realize that there had been confusion all of those years. If he had known, he said, he would have told us years ago!

Ah, yes, parenthood certainly has moments of pleasure, concern, emergency rooms and hospitals, and even relief! Although our relief came 9 years after the fact, it was welcomed news!

Oh, and one more thing: I now always hang signs in the house when I fertilize the grass, just in case a now 19-year-old wants to relive old times and play dinosaurs again!

So, how about you? Any scares that turned out to be easy cures? Our story gave new meaning to the phrase, WATCH OUT FOR DINOSAURS!

Paul W. Reeves

Kids+Hospitals+Dinosaurs (Pt.2)

2010-11-20T01:00:00.003-05:00

(Continued from November 13, 2010) ..... Well, I quickly left the home and headed for the hospital. Upon my arrival, my wife said the words that are still with us today. She said, “Our son keeps asking me to make the pain go away”. Wow, what a helpless situation for both of us.

We had no previous experience in the emergency room or hospital with our kids and here we suddenly were with no clue as to what to do. Our feelings of helplessness were exasperated by the doctors’ lack of being able to find anything wrong.

My wife badly needed a break; my son was peacefully sleeping; and I decided to stay in the room with him. He woke up a couple of times, but the pain medication was doing its job, thereby giving the doctors more time to figure out the cause of our son’s stomach pain.

My wife came back around midnight, so we stayed together in our son’s hospital room with her trying to sleep in the chair while I was stretched out on the floor. We were beginning to understand our friend’s words of wisdom from a few years before this evening!

At some point during the next morning, our son woke up and requested some water and a visit to the restroom. We quickly accommodated both requests. He seemed to be a little sluggish, but not in pain.

When he came out of the restroom, he announced that the pain was gone and that he would like to go home - with a side trip to McDonald’s on the way home!

We quickly called for the doctors; they ran some more tests; they announced that they still could not find anything; and, since our son was feeling fine, off to our home we went – after the requested stop at McDonald’s!! We were so happy to see him quickly return to health after almost 24 hours of scaring the wits out of us, that we would have been glad to stay all day at McDonald’s!!

We arrived home and he seemed just fine. He even wanted to go outside and play with his friends. WHAT? 24 hours earlier, he wanted my wife to make the pain stop and now he was just fine? Well, we certainly did not want to argue with the results, but we kept his playing to a minimum on that day, just to be sure.

During the next few years, in accordance with the doctor’s orders, we extra carefully monitored everything that he ate at our house and at the homes of other people. Since the massive pain came on suddenly, we were poised to return to the hospital at a moment’s notice.

However, the return trip never came. Even though the doctors could find nothing wrong, the pain never returned and today he is a healthy 19-year-old with a stomach of steel and no issues!

(Please come back next week for the conclusion!)

Paul W. Reeves

Kids+Hospitals+Dinosaurs (Pt.1)

2010-11-13T14:19:00.001-05:00

Some years ago, when our two oldest kids were 1-year-old and 4-years-old (our 3^rd child had yet to be born), a friend of mine, whose three kids were in middle school and high school, began to list the trips, hours, and evenings that she had spent with her kids in the emergency room at the hospital. I made a comment about how her kids must have been injury prone when they were younger.

She looked at me with disbelief and said something along the lines, “Are you telling me that you have never been to the emergency room with your kids? ALL parents send time with their kids in the emergency room!”

When I told her that we had fortunate, she just shook her head and told me that I am the only dad in history who had not spent hours in the emergency for various afflictions! Well, all of that changed when our middle child reached the ripe old age of 4!

One day while I was at work-related conference about two hours from home, my wife called me to tell me that our 4-year-old son was complaining of stomach pain and that he appeared to be quite ill. We discussed the situation, called the doctor, decided on a specific home treatment including rest and medicine, and let time dictate the next move.

A few hours later, she called again to indicate that the pains had seemingly gotten worse and that he really seemed to be in dire straits. We decided to wait no more. Off they went to the emergency room to get his ailing stomach checked out

Since he had never been ill in this manner before, we were quite concerned that the pains had suddenly come on and that they seemed to be of a severe nature.

Well, the doctors checked him and they ruled out all of the major issues (WHEW!), but they could not pinpoint the problem. They admitted him to the hospital, gave him more medicine, hooked him up to a variety of machines, and ran a few more tests.

Hours and hours passed, but no diagnosis came forward. My wife did her best to keep me informed (these were the days before everybody had a cell phone) and I was poised to leave at a moment’s notice. Through her consultation with the doctors, neither of us believed that the issue was too serious.

Near the 4-hour mark in the hospital, we decided that it would be best for me to come home early. My wife’s belief was that, by the time that I arrived home, she and my son would be there, too.

I arrived home and, …….. no family at all! A friend had the other two kids (1-year-old and 7-years-old), while my wife and son were still at the hospital. Again, inexplicably, the doctors could not discover the issue that was causing massive stomach pain with my son. They actually told my wife that they had never seen anything like this and that all tests had come back just fine!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Dad and Son in Concert (Pt.2)

2010-11-06T11:53:00.004-04:00

(Continued from October 30, 2010) .............. At any rate, I have often shared that story with my son, even dating back to when he was a little tyke. Well, for his big performance with me in public, as we were preparing to leave the house, he told me that he was only going to take the bass drum, snare, one cymbal, and a hi-hat, just like I had to play when I was his age! (See –I’ve told you before that your kids are watching you and they are listening to you at all times - and they internalize everything, spoken and unspoken!).

So, at the concert during which he garnered a substantial amount of applause, my son purposely forced himself into being a better drummer and not relying on the instrument to carry him through! What a guy, what a dedicated musician, and what a hot dog!

After his performance and after the applause finally died down, I made the same announcement as last year. I told the audience that I had always told my son that he could live in our house until the day came that he surpassed me in drumming. I then announced that he would be packing and leaving after the concert! The audience laughed and a few people raised their hands to adopt him!

And, why not? This young man has earned the admiration of his father, as he has worked hard over the years to be the best that he can be. Hours and hours of playing, listening to recordings and advice, practicing, watching instructional videos, asking me questions, and taking lessons with professionals have all led to him being the drummer and musician that he is today! (Of course, if he would keep his room clean at all times, I would be a little happier!).

So, audience members wanting to adopt him? Of course they do! But, there is no way that it is going to happen. He is mine, I am immensely proud of all that he has become through his hard work and dedication, I am amazed and pleased (beyond what words can describe) that he has clearly surpassed me in the world of drumming and …… he can stay in our house for as long as he wants to stay!!

Am I bragging about my son? Well, not really, although it might seem that way. I am just proud of him setting his goals early, paying attention to details that would help him achieve his goals, working hard just about every single day for years, and then making his dad proud with an audience in public!

And this is what I always suggest to kids: set your positive goals; develop a plan to achieve the goals; and then work really hard to make it. I have never seen a student not make it when their plan is in place AND when the plan is supported by loving parents. So, help your kids adopt their goals, develop their plan(s), and allow them the time to work at it to achieve. The rewards are overwhelming!

Oh, and another reason for allowing my son to stay in our house for as long as he wants, irrespective of him surpassing me in drumming? I need to be nice to him, so that he’ll invite me to come on stage during HIS future concerts!!

So, how about you? Send me a note to tell me of your child’s goals, plans, and hard work. Keep up the terrific work with your kids!

Paul W. Reeves

Dad and Son in Concert (Pt.1)

2010-10-30T01:00:00.004-04:00

Well, in another stroke of good fortune, it has happened again! While 2009 presented the first-ever opportunity for me to perform with all three of my children in public, 2010 allowed for a smaller version of a repeat performance, as I was able to perform with one of my children.

At the concert, on a perfect evening to be outside and after I had played several tunes, some jazz classics and some original smooth jazz originals, I was about to call my youngest son (16-years-old) to the stage to sit down and play the drum set that was behind me. (Similar to last year, the organizers of the concert series had asked the performers to spotlight some youth on their program).

At any rate, I began to slightly panic, as I could not find him in the audience. While trying to remain calm, I turned around to look at the drum set and …. there he was, seated at the tubs and ready to go ….. the natural ham in him was shining through!

With our practice time behind us, it was time to show the audience our “stuff”. After I played through the melody and took a solo on the vibes, I stepped off of the stage to give him the full spotlight and the whole attention of the audience. He took full advantage of the opportunity, as he launched into a massive drum solo that allowed for him to show off his technique and musical ideas.

While the crowd offered polite and somewhat enthusiastic applause for me after each one of my solos, they went crazy for him!!!!! Loud and bombastic appreciation for my son’s efforts were offered and they were well deserved, as my son has diligently worked over the past several years to become a topflight percussionist.

To digress for a moment, when I was his age, my high school band director sold the school’s drum set and ordered a new one. For about five weeks before the new set arrived, the only “drum set” on which I had to play at school involved just a bass drum, snare, one cymbal, and a hi-hat.

One school day, a professional drummer visited our class to hear me play. I told him that my efforts might not be all that terrific, as I was shortchanged on the current drum set. He told me something that day that I have never forgotten. He said, (paraphrased), “Anybody can play a drum set if they have a million drums and cymbals, as they can rely on the instrument to carry them through if they do not have talent or musical ideas. However, a drummer with a limited drum set has to be really good to shine through. So, Paul, if you can sound good today on this little drum set, then I know that you are a good drummer.”

Well, I must have sounded O.K., because he later hired me to be his own drummer in the college band that he directed! So, what did my son do ........?

(Please come back next week for the conclusion)

Paul W. Reeves

Honor Society = Sad (Pt.2)

2010-10-23T01:00:00.002-04:00

(Continued from October 16, 2010) …… As the inductees gathered with me in the hallway for the processional, I noticed that Mary was absent. Mary was a terrific student and a very nice girl. She would often get a pass to the office just to talk about life in general.

It has been my experience that, when kids voluntarily get multiple passes to the office to see the Principal, it is either because they have natural political ability or they just need somebody to listen to them. Mary seemed to have both reasons for her visits – unfortunately, I would later learn that it was the lack of love and attention in her home life that led to her visits more than her political ambitions.

At any rate, the entire ceremony came off perfectly, parents and other family members in tears with photo cameras and video cameras going at full tilt. Yes, a gorgeous, beautiful evening for the “best of the best” – but not for Mary, as she did not show up!

Early the next morning before school started, I searched for Mary. I found her down a hallway, seemingly pleasant as always and not upset. In fact, I was a little puzzled as to her outwardly happy demeanor. I asked why she had blown off the National Junior Honor Society induction ceremony, as she was one of the “best of the best”?

Her answer made me want to find another home for her. She told her parents about it, but they said that they did not care. As it came time to leave the home, the mom and dad announced that the whole family would be traveling to a hardware store to get supplies for the dad’s home fix-it project.

Mary protested because she wanted to go to the ceremony. Her parents yelled at her and told her that she could not go. Mary, who lived within walking distance of the school, then asked if she could walk to the ceremony and bypass the trip to the hardware store. Not only did her parents continue to yell at her, but they then grounded her for a month!

Well, that is just great. They raised a child who, despite the apparent lack of attention from the parents, appeared to be on the road to success. But they would not support her efforts and then grounded her for pushing the issue! In reality, if Mary had been an awful student and had not qualified for the highest honor of the school, she would not have been grounded. What kind of lesson was that for Mary to learn?

I had called the parents and asked them to come to school to meet with me (it was mid-June at the time). The dad said that he did not have time to meet, but that he would call me over the summer to set up some time. Two weeks later, I learned that the family had moved away, so Mary would not be returning to our school and I would never get the chance to meet with the parents.

I wish that I had a happy ending for this post, but I don’t. Some kids get a raw deal from their parents. Some kids need to get new parents, people who would love them, support them, and share in their successes.

As I said at the beginning, DO NOT become like Mary’s parents. Love your kids with everything that you have – they need you!

Out of curiosity, if you could have met with Mary’s parents, what would you have said or asked? Let me know.

Paul W. Reeves

Honor Society = Sad (Pt.1)

2010-10-16T21:59:00.003-04:00

Do you go to ALL of your kids’ events? As I have often written, whether it’s sports, dance, music, etc., your kids want you there, even if they sometimes tell you to stay home!

However, if an unavoidable circumstance occurs (can’t get the time off of work, there is a meeting that can’t be missed or you’ll be in trouble, etc.), your kids will understand, as long as it does not occur every single time!

But, whether you can attend or not, please DO NOT ever do what the parents of “Mary” did while I was her Principal. In fact, just reliving the story for this blog makes me sad for Mary. Here are the details:

At my school, we tried to make the National Junior Honor Society the biggest event of the year. Student inductees wore suits and dresses, seemingly dressed for Easter Sunday, while parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, etc., showed up to sit in the audience, all equally well dressed!

I actually referred to the kids as the “best of the best”, as they had to have a high grade point average, maintain a good behavioral record, be involved in at least one school activity, get recommended by at least 6 of their 7 teachers, get approval from the teacher-led School Improvement Committee, and get the final nod from me to be eligible for induction.

Every year, we made this the biggest night of the year, as we got a chance to honor the students who had excelled in every phase of school life. I often said that our goal was to be so good, that everybody would get inducted each year. However, that was never the case – only about 10%- 15% of the students made the final grade for induction.

After the final list of inductees was approved, I called the kids down and gave them letters to take home for their parents. I also mailed a copy of the letter to the parents on the same day. The letter was filled with accolades for the kids, as we wanted to ensure that everybody knew that being inducted in to the National Junior Honor Society was a HUGE deal that was offered to only a few!

Although we had tremendous success each year with the induction ceremony, a moment occurred one year that was quite sad. After spending a few days practicing for the ceremony, including working on speeches, lighting the candles, taking the pledge, and learning how to walk on and off stage and properly shake hands with me, we were ready for the big night!

(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion)

Paul W. Reeves

The "WawClaw"

2010-10-09T20:46:00.009-04:00

I have often been asked if kids exhibit personality traits as little tykes that are also clearly visible when they become adults. For everybody else’s kids, the answer is a resounding YES! For my own kids, at least for my daughter, the answer is a firm NO COMMENT! You see, my daughter reads this blog and ….. well, read on for details!

When my daughter was about 14-months-old, she spent her days at the home of a relative (we’ll call her “Aunt Peg”). Aunt Peg was like a second mother to my daughter, as she took care of her, taught a few things about life, bought clothes for her, and spoiled the daylights out of her.

Since my daughter spent so much time with Aunt Peg, she began to pick up some of her habits, just like she was picking up our habits at home.

While we preferred to call items by their rightful names and even introduced a plethora of big words to our kids (see my post from September 5, 2009), Aunt Peg, unbeknownst to me at the time, liked to make up babyish names for items around the house, such as “shoozies” for shoes, “bikelee” for bicycle, and “wawclaw” for washcloth.

One evening at bath time, I told my daughter that I needed the washcloth. She gave me a funny look and giggled a little bit, but then handed the washcloth to me. This scenario played out a few more times, each time with my daughter giving me a funny look and laughing, but then handing the washcloth to me.

I could not figure out why she found the term “washcloth” to be humorous. I also could not figure out the funny look that she gave to me when I said the word.

Finally, at another bath time, I asked her for the washcloth. The following conversation ensued:

Daughter: “Oh sure, dad, here’s the wawclaw.”

Dad: “The wawclaw”?

Daughter: “Sure, that’s what it’s called.”

Dad: “What is it called”?

Daughter: “A wawclaw.”

Dad: “Actually, it is called a washcloth.”

Daughter: “No, Aunt Peg said that it is a wawclaw, so it’s a wawclaw.”

Dad: “No, seriously, it is called a washcloth.”

Daughter: “Daddy, you’re silly. Everybody knows that it is a wawclaw!”

At this point, I was beginning to sense a scam, but I was not sure, as she seemed to be quite serious. So, I continued:

Dad: "Really, now, we can be cute by calling it a wawclaw, but it’s really called a washcloth.”

Daughter: “Daddy, really, it’s a wawclaw, not a w-a-s-h-c-l-o-t-h!” (she slowly spoke the word “washcloth” with a hint of disdain at the obvious level of idiocy that was being exhibited by daddy!)

Dad: “Seriously, the real name of it is washcloth.”

Daughter: “Daddy, you’re silly, it is called a wawclaw, not a w-a-s-h-c-l-o-t-h!" (She again spoke very slowly, like she was addressing a feeble old man!).

Dad: (Trying to get the point home without going on forever): “Well, why don’t you ask Aunt Peg for the real name of the item and we’ll talk about it tomorrow night”?

Daughter: “O.K., I will, but I already know the answer – it’s a wawclaw!”

As I picked my daughter up from Aunt Peg’s house the next day, I asked her if she inquired as to the true name of the item. My daughter told me that she had inquired, but she did not want to talk about it right now.

Interesting!! At this point, even though I should have taken some level of mercy on this adorable 14-month-old young lady, I couldn’t resist moving in for the victory.

Dad: “So, what did Aunt Peg say?”

Daughter: “I don’t want to talk right now.”

Dad: “She told you that it’s a washcloth, didn’t she”?

Daughter: “She did, but I'm still going to call it a wawclaw!”

So, let’s see, we have a 14-month-old daughter who did the following:

-- Laughed at her dad when she believed that he had made a mistake

-- Tried her best to keep from correcting him

-- Finally, she had to correct the dad after days of repeated miscues

-- Eventually learned that her dad had been correct

-- No longer wanted to discuss the issue

-- Finally briefly discussed the issue, but announced that she still wanted it her way

So, do personality traits in little tykes still exist when the whippersnappers become adults? Well, again, for everybody else’s kids, the answer is a resounding YES!

For my daughter? Did she grow up to just like her 14-month-old self? Uh, well, um, …… since she reads this blog, NO COMMENT!

So, how about you? Do you remember any silly words that your kids used and then insisted that they were correct? If so, let me know and we’ll laugh together!!

Have a terrific week!

Paul W. Reeves

10 Parenting Tips - Part 3

2010-10-02T13:55:00.005-04:00

(Continued from September 25, 2010) ......

7. Learn to listen to your children. It is easy for us to tune out the talk of our children. One of the greatest things we can do for them is to take them seriously and set aside time to listen.

There is not much to add to this one. When your kids talk, listen all of the time! I don’t care what I am doing at the time, whether it is working, practicing, reading, studying, etc., when my kids need or want to talk to me, I am there for them.

8. Get deeply involved in your child’s school life. School is the main event in the lives of our children. Their experience there is a mixed bag of triumphs and disappointments. How they deal with them will influence the course of their lives. Helping our children become good students is another name for helping them acquire strong character.

It comes down to this: If you convey to your children that you believe in the value of school, education, and the learned discipline that it takes to be successful, along with the constant monitoring of their school work and events, your child will most likely take it seriously and do his/her best.

After several years of working with students and parents, I have learned the following: When parents are visible, involved, present, and available for their kids’ homework and projects, the kids tend to do well in school. When the parents are absentee, don’t show for school events, and do not assist with homework and projects, well, those are the kids that keep counselors and assistant principals employed and quite busy.

Stay involved, speak regularly with your child about school, as well as his/her teachers and other school officials, and monitor his/her homework to ensure that all goals are being met. Your child will then be given the opportunity to develop into a successful, hardworking, and highly disciplined adult!

9. Make a big deal out of the family meal. One of the most dangerous trends in America is the dying of the family meal. The dinner table is not only a place of sustenance and family business but also a place for the teaching and passing on of our values. Manners and rules are subtly absorbed over the table. Family mealtime should communicate and sustain ideals that children will draw on throughout their lives.

This is one of the tougher goals to keep with busy lifestyles, work, and kids’ activities. However, one only needs to read Dr. Ryan’s point #9 again to understand the true value in eating together. In addition, it gives you at least one time per day to be together as a group. Further, the consistency and setting of traditions will give your kids grounding and a safe feeling in life.

10. Do not reduce character education to words alone. We gain virtue through practice. Parents should help children by promoting moral action through self-discipline, good work habits, kind and considerate behavior to others, and community service. The bottom line in character development is behavior--their behavior.

Again, your kids will model their behavior after you right from the beginning. Do you go to church? Do you watch inappropriate TV shows? Do you tithe at church? Do you get home at 3:00 a.m. in the morning after a night of “partying”? Do you volunteer and help people? The list of questions can go on and on. However, the point is this: whatever you do with your life and time, your kids will most likely do the same as they get older!

Ah yes, as I am fond of saying, nobody ever said that parenting would be easy! Hang in there and be an excellent role model for your kids!

How about you? Do you have any additional Parenting Tips that have worked for you? If so, please pass them along!

Paul W. Reeves

10 Parenting Tips - Part 2

2010-09-25T13:45:00.002-04:00

(Continued from September 18, 2010) ......

4. Develop an ear and an eye for what your children are absorbing. Children are like sponges. Much of what they take in has to do with moral values and character. Books, songs, TV, the Internet, and films are continually delivering messages—moral and immoral—to our children. As parents we must control the flow of ideas and images that are influencing our children.

This is much tougher now than when we were kids. With the Internet and cable TV, our kids are potentially exposed to all that is wrong. Monitor their TV watching; monitor their song listening; monitor their Internet usage; monitor your child’s friends and their parents.

Decide the values that you want your kids to develop and then work at it 24/7 to ensure that they absorb what you want them to absorb and that they are shielded (at least for now) from the undesirable elements that are available to them.

5. Use the language of character. Children cannot develop a moral compass unless people around them use the clear, sharp language of right and wrong.

When I was a young whippersnapper, I had a friend whose dad never yelled and never used foul language. This was unusual in a neighborhood where parents used profanity on a seemingly regular basis. I once asked my friend to tell me the worst word that his dad ever used. The answer: THUNDER! Yes, THUNDER was the worst word that his dad had ever used.

So, when my own kids came along, guess what became my “profane” word of choice – yes, THUNDER! I’ve also added such ridiculous words and phrases as, “Jiminy Cricket”, Sweet Biscuits and Gravy”, “Sweet Pearl Jam”, “Holy Rat’s Elbow”, etc. Yes, those are the words that I use when I am upset! Guess what words my kids use when they get angry about something in life – yes, they are as lame as dad and I am grateful for that!

6. Punish with a loving heart. Today, punishment has a bad reputation. The results are guilt-ridden parents and self-indulgent, out-of-control children. Children need limits. They will ignore these limits on occasion. Reasonable punishment is one of the ways human beings have always learned. Children must understand what punishment is for and know that its source is parental love.

Set the limits and NEVER let them cross the lines. To paraphrase Dr. James Dobson, ‘Establish absolutes – lines that you will absolutely never cross’. As Dr. Ryan indicated, children need limits and they will ignore these limits on occasion.

We had a rule in our home when the kids were growing up (a rule that still seems to have some value to this day). The rule was that our kids represented the entire family. If they were outside of the home and did something less than acceptable, it would be a black mark against mom, dad, and siblings. One time, through a teacher’s note, I learned that one of my kids had misbehaved in school. I talked to him about it, he quickly confessed, and suitable consequences were were handed out.

To this day, I fully believe that, if I had not dealt with that particular issue on the spot with suitable consequences, it would have opened the door for him, and perhaps the others in the family, to further cross the lines of the absolutes that were established in our home.

(Please come back next week for Part 3)

Paul W. Reeves

10 Parenting Tips - Part 1

2010-09-18T13:30:00.003-04:00

Over the next three weeks, I will be sharing 10 Parenting Tips from Dr. Kevin Ryan of the School of Education at Boston University. From the BU website, I learned the following abut Dr. Kevin Ryan:

Kevin Ryan is the founder and director emeritus of the Center for the Advancement of Ethics and Character at Boston University. A former high school English teacher, Ryan has taught on the faculties of Stanford University, the University of Chicago, Harvard University, Ohio State University, and the University of Lisbon. He has written and edited eighteen books, among them Moral Education: It Comes with the Territory; Reclaiming Our Schools: A Handbook for Teaching Character, Academics, and Discipline (with Ed Wynne); and Building Character in Schools: Practical Ways to Bring Moral Instruction to Life (with Karen Bohlin). He received the University of Pennsylvania National Educator of the Year Award, the Paideia Society's Award for Educational Excellence, and the Character Education Partnership's Sanford N. McDonnell Lifetime Achievement Award.

Dr. Ryan's tips are in italics with my follow-up comments in regular print after each tip:

1. Put parenting first. This is hard to do in a world with so many competing demands. Good parents consciously plan and devote time to parenting. They make developing their children’s character their top priority.

Ah, yes, the time factor. Working, taking care of the house, cutting the grass, paying the bills etc., all provide excuses and issues that will take you away from your kids. My solution: do what you need to do to keep your family going and leave the rest until later – even if later means 20 years from now!

By way of example, if the choice is to read with your child or do the dishes …. READ WITH YOUR CHILD! Yes, the dishes need to get done and the house needs to be clean. But the dishes will always be there, while your child WILL grow up and move away (of course, don’t wait 20 years to wash the dishes, but you get the idea!).

(That reminds me – I have about 7 more years to wait before I can refinish the floor of my garage!

2. Review how you spend the hours and days of your week. Think about the amount of time your children spend with you. Plan how you can weave your children into your social life and knit yourself into their lives.

To be sure that I spend as much as possible with my kids, I try to include at least one of them in everything that I do. Need to go the bank? Somebody is going with me. Headed to the store? At least one whippersnapper is along for the ride. Working in the yard? At least one offspring is there with me, partially to help and to learn the value of hard work and partially to spend time together.

By way of example with their lives, if one of my kids needs to get up at 5:00 a.m. on a Saturday to get to a Cross Country meet, guess who sets the alarm and gets him up? Guess who drives him to the event? Guess who watches the whole event and then brings him home?

Yes, it would be MUCH easier to have him get himself up; have another parent drive; and for me to sleep and then later refinish the garage floor. But, I want to be with him in everything that he does, partially to monitor everything and partially to be involved, so that he knows that he is loved and supported.

3. Be a good example. Face it: human beings learn primarily through modeling. In fact, you can’t avoid being an example to your children, whether good or bad. Being a good example, then, is probably your most important job.

How many times have I written on this subject? Too many to count. But, know this: YOUR KIDS ARE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU and they will adopt your behaviors as their own. Drink too much? Your kids will probably drink too much when they grow up. Smoke too much? Ditto for your kids someday. Read the Bible each day? Your kids are likely to follow. Have a strong work ethic? Guess who else will have a strong work ethic when they grow up?

Even when you think that your kids are not paying attention, they are watching and learning from you!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Dad and Child - Together!

2010-09-11T22:05:00.001-04:00

Long before my children were born, I decided that I wanted their biggest influence to be ... ME – not their friends, the drug users, the drinkers, the kids who never tried to succeed in school, etc., but their greatest everyday influence was to be their favorite DAD!!

So, as a part of my journey toward becoming their biggest influence, I decided that, whenever I ventured out of the house to run an errand, I would ALWAYS take at least one child with me. In this manner, irrespective of what might be happening in the hustle and bustle of everyday life in the home, I could always escape with at least one child for a focused conversation, lesson on life, or just listening to the tales of their trials and tribulations.

One day I needed to travel to the local hardware store, about a 2 minute drive from our house. As I gathered up my oldest son (about 8-years-old at the time) to make the trip with me, I was looking forward to the isolated time together, the conversations that would ensue, and the possible lessons that my son would learn from me, including shopping for the necessary part and interacting with store employees.

However, as we were about to leave the driveway, I noticed that he looked a little concerned about something. When I asked him if all was O.K., he told me that he was fine. But, the look on his face told me otherwise.

I made a quick decision to bypass the local hardware store for the 2-minute drive and continued to the chain hardware store about 15 minutes away, thereby allowing me a total of 30 minutes of focused drive time to delve into my son’s obvious annoyance with some issue.

During the trip to the store, we talked about a variety of topics, including his upcoming baseball season, the Detroit Tigers, school, etc. He was quite chatty, but it still appeared as though something was bothering him. We arrived at the store, did our shopping for the needed part, and then got in the car for the ride home.

As we closed in on the 10-minute mark of the 15-minute drive home, my son suddenly asked me, “Dad, would you ever get drunk?” Well, somehow I managed to keep the car on the road as I told him that I would never allow myself to become inebriated. Of course, I then did the obvious. As this question came completely out of the dark with no lead-in or even an iota of purpose to me, I asked him why he would ask me such a question.

He then told me of his friend Mike (not his real name) in his 3rd grade class. Mike had told my son that his dad regularly gets drunk, beats up the mother and kids, and then leaves the family for a few days at a time. They never know if he is coming back!! Mike also told my son that ALL DADS do this, so he should be careful about me. To say the least, my son was conflicted, as he had been living in a loving home, yet his friends told him that ALL DADS do this!

Ah ha!! So I had my answer as to my son’s obvious concern about something. I then turned our drive home of less than 5 minutes into a few more errands that took over an hour, just so we could be alone to discuss this important topic. I assured my son that I would never be drunk, that I would never beat up our family, and that I would never disappear for days at a time. My reassurances did wonders for him, as his mood became brighter and he even suggested that we stop for ice-cream (a favorite activity in our family!). I also told my son that I would try and get help for Mike and his family (more about this in a future post – all is now well with Mike and his family!!).

Now - and here’s the big point - if I had just traipsed off to the local hardware store alone (which, by the way, would have been much easier and faster), I might have never heard about Mike’s story and my son’s concern that it could happen in our home. But, by consciously seizing every single possible moment to spend time with my kids, the situation allowed for the comfort zone in which my son could tell me of his concerns.

If I had not had those moments alone with my kids, it is possible that a stronger influence in his life (a friend, perhaps?) might have confirmed the story and confirmed that my son had better watch out for his dad!!

But, by being the strongest influence in my son's life, he knew where to go to find the truth ..... HIS DAD!!

How about you? Please pass along your suggestions as to how you have become, or plan to become, the strongest influence in your child’s life. After all, if you’re not the strongest influence in his/her life, somebody else will be!!

Hang in there and spend quality and quantity time with your kids!!

Paul W. Reeves

"I Dunno - I Fuhgot"

2010-09-04T21:13:00.004-04:00

Our oldest two children had progressed rather nicely in the development of verbal, reasoning, and communication skills. Since our house was always in some state of communication, it seemed natural for them to develop those skills at an early age.

However, during the ages of 2 and 3 years old, our 3rd and youngest child seemed to not be developing the same skills at anywhere near the expected rate of our home or the expected rate of normal childhood development. Anytime that we asked him for an explanation on anything (such as, “Why are your toys in the middle of the floor?”, “Where is your blanket?, or “Why didn’t you tell us?”), we were always met with the following response, “I dunno, I fuhgot” (Translation: “I don’t know, I forgot”)

Well, to say the least, we were a little concerned about his seeming lack of development with his verbal and expressive skills. In our family, all of us spoke in clear and expository terms when discussing a multitude of issues. As such, he had plenty of exposure to the proper examples of communication. Yet, we continued to be hit with a barrage of “I dunno, I fuhgot”!!

We actually discussed the possibility of his sandbagging or scamming us on the issues, but, at the same time, we couldn’t believe that a 2/3-year-old could actually scam his parents on a regular basis. The look in his eyes seemed to indicate intelligence, but his lack of ability to verbally express his thoughts was of great concern.

So, was it really a case of “I dunno, I fuhgot” or were we dealing with a CHILDHOOD SCAMMER? We discussed this issue on a regular basis and we talked about the possibility of getting assistance with his oral language.

Near the end of his 3rd year of life, however, we received our answer to the “Dunno/Scammer” issue. I had a series of audio CD’s from various ministers, including Joyce Meyer, Ed Young, John Hagee, James Dobson, etc., all neatly arranged on shelves according to the presenter. One day, I noticed that the CD’s had become substantially discombobulated on the shelf, as the ministers’ CD’s were all mixed up! How could this happen? I asked my two older children and they indicated that they knew nothing of the mix up.

I then asked my youngest child, expecting the usual, “I dunno, I fuhgot” response. His actual response stopped me in my tracks – I then picked myself off of the floor, got a cold drink of water, retrieved a tape recorder, and asked him to answer the question again about the mix up of the CD’s.

His verbatim response is as follows: “Well, I noticed that Joyce Meyer, Ed Young, John Hagee, and Focus on the Family all had messages on the topic of “Love”, so I rearranged the CD’s to put all of the “Love” messages together. I then did the same for “Money” messages, “Jesus” messages, “Conflict messages”, “Healing” messages, “Delivering” messages, “Attitude” messages and so on and so forth. You see, dad, by arranging the CD’s in this manner, you can easily find all of the CD’s on “Love”, for example, instead of searching through each minister’s collection and then possibly even missing one. This way, they’re all together! This is my small way of helping the family. So, why don’t we listen to a Jesus message together right now? We have 7 to choose from. Which one is your favorite, dad?”

Well, alrighty then - the hours, weeks, months, even years of concern that our youngest child was not developing the necessary oral skills were all for naught, as we were dealing with a CHILDHOOD SCAMMER the whole time!!

I then told him that I was very proud of his rearranging of the CD’s and that I was proud of his explanation of the process. I told him that I had been expecting him to say, “I dunno, I fuhgot”. I laughed, but he looked a tad embarrassed, as he realized that the scam was over for the rest of his life!

I then told him that I had just received a new “Jesus” CD from Joyce Meyer. I asked him if he had filed the CD already. His answer: ………. You guessed it …… “I dunno, I fuhgot”!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Parenthood – gotta love it!!

But, to this day, several years later, if somebody in our family does not truly know the answer to a question, we respond with, yes, you guessed it again, "I dunno, I fuhgot"!!!!!

Paul W. Reeves

Cross Country? - WHY? - Part 2

2010-08-28T22:55:00.008-04:00

(Continued from August 21, 2010) ….. From a website entitled, http://www.24hrfitness.co.uk/fitness/cross-country-running.html, I also learned the following about Cross Country:

What is cross-country running?

Cross-country running is running over a field that is wrought with pitfalls, that is, a natural landscape. Cross-country running is also referred to as trail running. The course can be woodland, grass, water, mud or a combination any such natural occurrences. Cross-country running is normally done by teams comprised of between five and twelve members.

Persons of all age groups participate in cross country running, some for the rewards, others just for the fun of running. Some long distance runners use cross country running as a means of exercise to build their stamina and strengthen their legs.

What are the benefits of cross country running?

Like all exercise, cross country running has its benefits, both physical and mental. Anyone can benefit from cross country running regardless of age or gender. Cross country runners are normally quite strong, with a firm muscular body. Persons who are into cross country running tend to have strong legs and hips as well.

Females especially will like the fact that running has been proven to help fight the signs of aging, as well as osteoporosis. Running also helps in fighting certain types of diseases such as breast cancer, heart disease and can prevent or limit the recurrence of strokes.

Persons who want to lose weight will find cross country running particularly useful. It not only provides cardiovascular exercise but also helps to burn calories. Some fitness experts believe that running, including cross country running burns more calories than any other exercise.

Because the area in which you are running tends to be uneven and not one straight track you will get a better workout as you end up using more muscles than in any other type of running. Cross country running, if done properly and on the right track, is less stressful on the knees as the impact from the earth tends to be much less than on other surfaces.
Also like other forms of running, it provides relief from stress and other such mental problems. Running out in the open allows one time to think without the hustle and bustle of modern life.

Another of the benefits is that it stops your training routine from becoming boring. The variety of motions required to run on uneven surfaces and the changing scenery work together to stop cross country running from becoming mundane.

Of course, there are a few negatives that are associated with having your kid involved in Cross Country running:

1) You will no longer be able to outrun your own child!

2) Your child will suddenly believe that you have aged tremendously – and you won’t be able to prove otherwise!

3) Your child will have a guilt-inducing comment for you each time that you reach for a candy bar!

4) Your child will want to go to sleep early BEFORE the 2^nd game of Yahtzee has a chance to begin!

5) Your child will be stronger, more in-shape, and full of more energy than ever! Wow, good thing that he was not involved in Cross Country when he was 6-months old!

Yes, Cross Country parents tend to be quite proud of their Cross Country kids, as their involvement with the sport leads to better health; better habits; stronger work ethic; better discipline in all areas of life; and, who knows, maybe dad will even feel a tad guilty if he feels like skipping a day of running!

I have long been an advocate of getting your child involved in ANYTHING at school. Whether it is a sport, music, chess club, science group, drama, dance, etc., your child’s involvement with other like-minded people in a positive setting will lead to tremendous benefits for your son or daughter.

Now, after all of these years of believing that Cross Country was all about “a bunch of people running through the fields and the woods after school”, I can now say that Cross Country is a GREAT activity for kids, one that I highly recommend if time allows.

While there are many negative peer-group activities in which some kids engage when there is nothing else to do, I think that I speak for most parents when I say that I’d much rather have my son running 5-7 miles a day with his peers and learning and internalizing terrific habits that he will be able to use for the rest of his life!

Paul W. Reeves

Cross Country? - WHY? - Part 1

2010-08-21T22:54:00.005-04:00

When I was a high school lad several hundred years ago, I heard of a sport called Cross Country! I had no clue what Cross Country was, but it appeared as though somebody did, because it was always announced on the P.A.

At some point I finally asked somebody to tell me about Cross Country. A fellow classmate described it as, “A bunch of people running through the fields and the woods after school”.

Well, as I was quite happy logging way too many hours on the baseball diamond and with my music pursuits, I really did not have the time to run through the fields and the woods, nor did I take the time to pursue Cross Country any further at that point. It seemed like a silly way to spend one’s time after school!

Fast-forwarding several years, my own son decided to try Cross Country as he was entering high school. I did not share my earlier disdain for “running through the fields and woods”. Rather, I fully supported his choice and together we began to learn the meaning and purpose of Cross Country.

After attending several Cross County meets, I learned the following:

1) Cross Country gets kids in shape very quickly and it keeps them in shape

2) Cross Country kids shy away from bad food and bad habits (i.e. smoking, drugs, alcohol)

3) Cross Country kids develop a strong sense of discipline and a very strong work ethic

4) Cross Country kids encourage and push each other to new heights

5) Cross Country kids tend to have supportive parents

6) Cross Country kids tend to get good grades in school, either through genes or the development of their work ethic and their learning to strive for excellence

7) Cross Country kids tend to establish solid relationships with each other

8) Cross Country kids tend to sleep more and party a lot less – if at all

9) Cross County allows kids to compete against others and against themselves

10) Cross Country can prepare kids for competition, success, and the knowledge that one can succeed through hard work

At meets, I am always amazed at the number of in-shape kids, dedicated coaches, and supportive parents who are in attendance. This is truly a great way to spend one’s high school years, with like-minded people who push each other to strive for excellence while denying themselves the negative activities in which others engage. After all, if one is going to run 5-7 miles per day to prepare for races, it would be ludicrous to then throw it away not taking care of oneself away from the Cross Country arena.

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Daughter Driving Home!

2010-08-14T20:54:00.008-04:00

Well, all good things must come to an end and so it was with our brief, but great and fulfilling, vacation! We spent the days together, we spent the nights together, we cooked on a grill together, we shopped together, we saw a movie together, and, well, we pretty much spent all of our waking ours together and ...... nobody got hurt!!

During the long ago vacation days, I did most of the driving while my wife picked up the slack. In fact, over the years, a system had developed wherein I would drive for most of the sunlight hours and she would take over the wheel during the dark hours of the night. This system had worked well for years, as we would spell each other at the wheel to ensure some level of rest for each of us. We had also worked it out so that the driver would be responsible for the kids in the back - food, water, rest areas, etc.

However, on this trip, a new phenomenon occurred .... a 3rd driver entered the equation - my daughter wanted us to become a driving rotation of 3! Well, as she was 22-years-old now and as she is a responsible driver, I quickly said ........ NO!! My quick response was partly because I did not want to put that kind of stress on her and, admittedly, I did not want her growing up that fast (I know, I know, she is already grown up - that is the hardest part of all!).

So, yes, on this particular trip, on the way to and from the vacation, a pleasant (although it was gut-wrenching, as well) scenario unfolded, as our long-standing 2-person driving rotation became a 3-person group. Our 19-year-old wanted to jump into the fray as well, but we managed to preserve his youth a little longer!

I drove the first four hours of the trip, with my daughter taking over at that point. I jumped in the back seat expecting to be somewhat white-knuckled, but I found that I was instantly drowsy and I fell asleep. At some point early in her shift, my daughter woke me up to tell me that the tires appeared to be low on air. I told her to find a gas station and, knowing that I would soon be falling right back to sleep, I told her to wake me up when we got to the station.

At some point, I woke up on my own, looked at the clock, and noticed that 2 hours had passed since she first woke me up about the tires. Fearing that we might be getting a flat, I asked her why she had not yet found a gas station. With the maturity of a seasoned driver, she informed me that she had found a gas station long ago and that she had filled the tires on her own!

Why, that little whippersnapper! She was trying to show ol' dad that she was now a grown-up and she fully succeeded in her mission. Yes, our baby girl, diapers and car seat long ago tossed aside, was now in the adult world - driving the whole family in the middle of the night and filling tires on her own instead of waking mom or dad!

During the remainder of the trip to and from vacation, my daughter continued to take her share of driving turns. In fact, there were times that I had to convince her to give up the wheel, so that she would not get overly tired. Yes, the girl who once struggled with a few objects on her way to the beach (see February 6, 2010), was now taking charge and trying to do more than her share!

Where we once went on a vacation with a little girl, we were now vacationing with a young lady! Wow, what mixed emotions that stirred up - proud, happy, queasy, sad, wistful, and, well, you get the idea. Our little girl was all grown up and there was no turning back!

Yes, this might have been our final vacation together as a fivesome and it might be just as well, as we have found that it is tough and exhilarating at the same time to watch your kids grow up right before your eyes and take part in activities that are reserved for adults, such as driving in the middle of the night and filling tires with air!

So, how about you? Any big turning points in which your formerly young offspring convinced you that they were grown-up?

Paul W. Reeves

Games on Vacation

2010-08-07T20:22:00.007-04:00

As I wrote on December 12 and 19, 2009, we started a family game night in our household, mostly centered around Yahtzee. So, of course, with some upcoming concentrated time in a hotel room together, Yahtzee seemed like the perfect vacation companion.

Before departing for vacation, I was already estimating the number of hours that we would be spending with Yahtzee, not so much for the sake of the game, but for the time that we would be spending together with plenty of laughs and popcorn!

Well, we got to our destination and .... guess who forgot to bring the Yahtzee game? Ouch! Yes, the hours that had been given to our favorite family bonding game were destroyed because of somebody's forgetfulness (the person's name is being withheld to protect the identity of this author!).

So, to fill the void, we headed to the local Wal-Mart to search for an inexpensive game to fill the void. I will leave out the title of the game that we bought, as it turned out to be the most ridiculous and useless game in history! The game involved a deck of cards with statements on it. After a statement was read, the rest of our crew had to determine if the statement was a fact or a piece of fiction.

Such riveting and life-altering statements like, "The inventors of Corn Flakes, the Kellogg Brothers, ran a school for delinquent youth" and "The armadillo is the only animal to suffer from leprosy" filled the air. I mean, REALLY? Who could possibly know the true or false answers on these types of issues? As you might have guessed, we did not know many at all!

Within minutes of first playing the game, I was met with a barrage of statements that centered around words like, "dumb game", "ridiculous", "what were you thinking", and "can we play ANYTHING else"?

Trying to save the moment, as well as getting something out of our modest investment, I reminded our crew that it was not the quality of the game that mattered the most. What really mattered was that the five of us were together at a kitchen table - laughing, joking, and enjoying each other's company. That line of reasoning worked for a few rounds of the game. But, then, the pleas and complaints became too much. So, we retired the game (for the night) and my daughter dragged out some cards and proceeded to teach us a few card games.

I am not much of a cards player, but I went along for the ride because, after all, the point was to be together, irrespective of the quality of the game (of course, Yahtzee would have been nice right about now!). We continued to play card games for another hour or two before calling it a night.

On each night of the vacation, we kept trying to find some purpose in playing our new game, but we always ended up dragging out the cards to save the night! I think that we put away the new game for good right after the following statement was read: "Tycho Brahe the astronomer wore an artificial nose made of gold and silver". I mean, seriously, does anybody really know if that statement is true or false and does anybody care? Away went the new game and the cards become the permanent game of choice.

But, as I tried to sell on my whippersnappers, while the game was awful, the time spent together was great! They actually agreed with me .... both parts!

So, yes, as awful as the game was, I just have a feeling that IF we ever pull it out again, all of us will remember our time together on vacation; the good memories will rise to the surface; we'll play the game for old time's sake ............ and we'll put it away and get out the cards!!

So, how about you? Have you ever engaged in an activity with your kids that turned out to be a dud, but it was fun anyway because you were together? Let me know!

Paul W. Reeves

Family Frisbee Lesson - Part 3

2010-07-31T19:32:00.007-04:00

(Continued from July 24, 2010) .... So, a valuable lesson was learned from the 65-year-old guy and his 40-ish daughter. The lesson is to keep doing things with your kids, irrespective of their ages, as well as your own age! After all, if an activity was fun when they were little, it is still fun!

Yes, we continued to play Frisbee during our remaining days on vacation; yes, hours were soaked up frolicking with the disc each day; yes, we played more Frisbee when we returned home; and, yes, we will be playing Frisbee on any future vacations, even with future extended families!

And, oh, one more thing – while were playing non-stop Frisbee for hours, we noticed that other families were watching us. Some laughed at our foibles; some marveled at a few catches and throws; and a couple of folks asked where we bought the Frisbee. Did our activity inspire them to engage in family activities that would take them back to when their kids were little? Well, there is no way to know, just like the 65-year-old dad and 40-ish daughter never knew that they had inspired us.

But, while enjoying each other's company with such an activity as tossing a Frisbee (even while tossing in the occasional sardonic comment, such, as, "Hey, that wasn't such a bad shot. After all, it hit the correct ocean!"), we realized that it had been awhile since we had played that long together and we decided that we would not wait so long for the next time.

So, yes, while doing nothing but relaxing on the beach, we learned a valuable lesson from some older folks – keep having fun with your kids, no matter how old they (and you!) get. The memories just keep getting better and better!

So, how about you? Have you ever "discovered" that an old activity with your children received new life when you did the same activity years later?

Paul W. Reeves

Family Frisbee Lesson - Part 2

2010-07-24T19:31:00.005-04:00

(Continued from July 17, 2010) ..... Well, after watching the two of them, the dad being older than my age and the daughter being older than my kids, I suggested to my 2 lads (16 and 19) and my 1 lass (22) that we should get a Frisbee and toss it around. I was quickly showered with a barrage of words like "lame", "silly", "not a chance", etc. No matter how hard I tried, I was met with a complete lack of willingness to try!

So, I did the only thing that a responsible dad would do at a time like that .... I went out that night and bought a Frisbee! The next day, after we set our chairs, water, and fruit down, I suggested that we play with the Frisbee. Again, "no way" was the message that I received. But, I did not give up! I finally asked my daughter if she would toss the Frisbee with me for 5 minutes just to please me. Much to my surprise, she agreed to do so (I think that she realized that I would keep bugging her all day until she relented!).

So, we moved closer to the water away from people, so that we would not hit anybody! We started with a few gentle tosses from close range and we expanded our distance, speed, and trajectories. Before long, we were like we used to be, 5-year-old daughter and her dad just enjoying time together.

My 2 boys remained in safe zones up higher on the beach. Well, much to my delight, and as I somewhat expected, my oldest son yelled to ask if he could join the fray. YES, it was working - 2 down and 1 to go! It was like both kids were suddenly much younger, not a care in the world, having fun with each other and with dad!

Well, I'm sure that you know what happened next ... yes, my youngest son joined in the fun with the Frisbee! Before long we were playing four-corner Frisbee trying to set family records for consecutive catches! We changed positions, we changed wind direction, and we changed speeds and trajectories. YES, life with these three whippersnappers was just as fun as when they were little and it was happening at the old vacation abode!

At some point, somebody asked the time. Much to the surprise of all of us, we discovered that FOUR HOURS had passed!! It seemed like minutes, but, with the capturing of their youth at our old vacation spot, several hours of Frisbee had transpired before anybody even thought of checking the time!

(Please come back next week for Part 3)

Paul W. Reeves

Family Frisbee Lesson - Part 1

2010-07-17T18:46:00.007-04:00

Well, with our gallant return to our old haunt when our kids were infants and toddlers; the knowledge that the hotel was still there; and the fact that our instant sighting of the place brought back all of those good memories, there seemed to be nothing that could get in our way of enjoying terrific family time ......... at least one would think so!

As a bit of background, when I was a little whippersnapper, my dad's version of a vacation was to always be on the move and see and do as much as possible. However, my wife's family believed that a vacation consisted of getting to a destination and then doing as little as possible!

Well, even though I grew up believing that my dad's method was correct, being the good husband and extended family member, I learned to slow down on vacation during the days when my wife and I would take vacations with her parents.

So, back to our story of enjoying each other at our old haunt, we were doing what we do best .... relaxing on the beach with bottles of drinking water and fresh fruit and doing absolutely nothing, other than enjoying some good conversation.

Ahhhh, life could not get much better, as I was thoroughly enjoying our time together, perhaps more than usual, as we all knew that this could be the last time for the five of us together.

Then, ... it happened. A simple event occurred that would propel me, and my offspring - against their desires - up off of the beach and into action! Yes, in one moment, we went from a docile crew to a group that knew that it had to do something!

So, what happened? A 65-year-old guy and his 40-ish daughter got up right in front of us and began to competitively toss a Frisbee to each other. They were trying trick shots, curves, and other such spectacular shots, all seemingly to appear as though they were competing and trying to outdo each other. It was also obvious that they had probably played quite a bit when the daughter was younger. If I didn't know better, I presumed, they were probably reliving a part of their past vacations, as well.

After about 15 minutes of Frisbee, they quickly got out a football and began to send each other left, right, and deep for passes! They were energetic, competitive, and having a great time, all while we "relaxed" and did nothing but take in the sun and enjoy our snacks.

Then, after about 15 minutes of playing football, they quickly got out a beach tennis game and the competition seemed to increase, as dad and daughter tried to outdo each other. They were awesome to watch, as I admired the father/daughter team having a lot of fun .... while we did nothing!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Final Vacation? - Part 2

2010-07-10T19:46:00.008-04:00

(Continued from July 3, 2010) ....... So, we arrived at the “old destination” and we immediately sought to see if there were any remnants that would stir our memories of past vacations. After all, the sole purpose of choosing this place was to see if we could rekindle our past times together.

YES, we saw the kiddie pool – still in the same place, filled with water, filled with kids, and filled with parents making sure that their kids were safe …. Just like we used to do!

YES, the big pool was still there, filled with water, filled with people of all ages, and just daring us to jump in and have some fun together …. Just like we used to do!

YES, there were the lounge chairs at poolside, still 3 rows deep just like they used to be in the “old” days!

YES, the ground floor rooms were still just behind the 3 rows of chairs and a narrow sidewalk. When staying in one of those rooms it was as though the pool was inviting us to join in 24 hours a day! After all, just open the door, walk past 3 rows of chairs, and take a dive …. ahhhhh, instant refreshment!

YES, the place was still filled with trees that had been imported from around the world! We always thought that the over 125 trees between the pool and the ocean (all of which were also right outside of some of the rooms), seemed to be a bit much … we still do. But, it reminded us of our time together as a young family, so all was well and we checked out the trees to see if any signs would indicate the new ones – we found some!

YES, we walked to the ocean and, of course it was still there, too, filled with water, the beach filled with people, and, well, it just seemed like it was calling our names to jump in …. just like it always did!

Any changes? Well, yes, the office went from a very tiny counter and room for 2-3 people to a magnificent structure that could have held over 100 people. It had a fish tank, a library for customers, and plenty of workers waiting to help you with whatever you needed. Wow, business must have been good during our hiatus!

We finally made it to the room and, WOW! – business must have been REALLY good during our absence. The old carpeting had been replaced by nice tile (easier to keep clean, especially with the issue of beach sand), the furniture had been somewhat updated, and, now get ready for this …. it had Internet access!! I don’t believe that we were even Internet users the last time that we went to that place! I’m not sure if laptops were even affordable back then like they are now.

The little kitchen (built for one at a time) was still firmly in place with all of the amenities of home, the air conditioning was still quite cold, and, well, after our traditional inaugural vacation meal at a restaurant, we were ready to get a good night’s sleep and start reliving some memories!

The family-owned motel, long a bastion of family-type caring for their customers, was still in place, many items still in place, a few positive changes, and looking like it was inviting us to enjoy all that it had to offer!

Over the next 5 weeks, I will recount some of our vacation stories!

Paul W. Reeves

Final Vacation? - Part 1

2010-07-03T20:18:00.005-04:00

As sad as it is, we might have just taken our final 5-member family vacation forever! With our daughter scheduled to graduate next spring and possibly relocate elsewhere in our country, we might never again have the chance for just the 5 of us to be together on vacation.

Ah, yes, the family vacation! Load up the diaper bag with extra diapers, get some beach and pool toys, a couple of large coolers, a playpen, extra blankets, the car seat, swimsuits, extra clothes for each person, and be sure that the oil is changed before we head about 20 hours toward our favorite vacation destination!

Well, that was certainly the drill that we used when the kids were little! A van loaded with goodies and kids just waiting to get to vacation.

Yes, year after year, until our youngest child was about 5-years-old, we traveled to the same destination each year (sometimes twice per year!) and made a lifetime of memories, including purchasing a large picture from the wall of the hotel that looked exactly like our 3-year-old daughter at the beach. She’s 22 now, but we still have that large picture.

Other memories that were developed include heading to the same kiddie pool, the same grown up pool, the same spot on the beach, and the same restaurants, all serving to make our regular vacating destination seem like a home away from home once or twice a year.

There were many years in which we also had grandparents along to help with the kids and to enjoy the vacation time together. In short, that particular destination had become OUR destination for a lifetime of memories.

However, for a myriad of reasons, we changed vacation destinations to another locale when our youngest child was 6-years-old. The new destination eventually evolved into OUR destination, as well, as more lifetime memories were made. Of course, the newest memories involved older children, playing pool and shuffleboard late at night, no diapers, more swimming in the ocean without life jackets, card games at night, and jogging in the morning.

Yes, the new destination became just as important as the old destination to us for the memories that have lasted through the years.

Well, as our baby girl is getting set to leave the nest in less than a year, it looked as though we could squeeze out one more vacation for just the five of us. It is most likely that future vacations will include less than 5 (without our daughter) or a number greater than 5, as spouses and grandchildren will enter the fray at some point.

So, where should we head for our final 5-member vacation, the old destination built with memories of little tykes or the newest destination built with memories of adolescents, teenagers, and young adults?

As you might have guessed, for the sake of nostalgia, and in an effort for all of us to recapture our youth, we chose ...... the old destination!!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Father's Day - Part 2

2010-06-26T22:35:00.008-04:00

(Continued from June 19, 2010) ........

15) The dad, a long-time computer guy long before computers found their way in to homes, told the son to get a computer, because he would need it for everything in life within a few yeas. The son reused. The dad then showed up at the son’s work one day with a huge computer – paid for by the dad. The son used it for years before upgrading a few times – the dad was right!

16) The son, for many years questioning the wisdom of his father, later in life learned that the dad was far beyond his years in wisdom. Interestingly, the same scenario is unfolding with the son’s children many years later.

17) In the son’s neighborhood, ALL boys owned a BB gun. One day the son, an expert marksman in his own right (at least that's his story!), fired a shot at a garbage can – a normal occurrence. The dad was on the other side of the can and the shot scared the dad. The BB gun was instantly retired on that day!

18) In later life, after the dad was making a very good living, the dad told the son that there had been times during which the family had not been able to afford shoes for the two kids. Funny, the kids always had new shoes and everything else that they needed. The son never knew that funds were low when he was a little kid.

19) When the son bought a new front door for his own home, the dad asked the son how he would install it and he offered to help. The son declined the offer for help. On the next day, while the son was struggling with the directions, the dad showed up and installed the door. He just knew.

20) The son, watching his dad’s health get weaker with the job, watched his father’s face light up when he held the son’s baby daughter – moments that the son will never forget!

21) In the dad’s final summer, the dad and son bonded again while completing home projects together at the dad’s (and mom’s) house.

22) When funds were quite low (although the son did not know this), the dad took out a loan to purchase a brand new Buddy Rich drumset for his son – the exact drumset that the son had always wanted! 35 years later, the son still owns this drumset; it is still in perfect condition; and the son’s son uses it now, too. Oh, and the son used the drumset to put himself through college and make a few extra bucks for married life.

23) Played catch almost every single day after work during the son’s formative years - this gave the son needed confidence to excel at baseball.

24) Coached the son in bowling – the son later went on to win the highest average in the league award several times, mostly because the dad showed a great interest in his son’s weekly battle with the lanes.

25) The dad, knowing that he was going to die in the hospital, refused to tell the son that he was even ill, so that the son would not worry; so that the son would keep working and not take time off; and so that the son would not see his dad in a suddenly frail state. However, at the moment of death, the son, 25 miles away and not knowing that his dad was ill, knew that he had just lost a friend, a huge supporter, and his dad all at once.

O.K., with all of that unselfish fatherly love bestowed upon a son, you might think that the young man might become spoiled!! Well, ..... I don’t know ..... do you think that I’m spoiled????

That’s right! Those 25 items describe my own dad, but they only scratch the surface!

To the best father in the world – THANK YOU, DAD! I REALLY MISS YOU! If my kids someday consider me to be as great a parent as you – my life's mission will be completed. Thank you for the lessons on being a great parent!

Paul W. Reeves

Father's Day - Part 1

2010-06-19T22:12:00.005-04:00

Well, tomorrow is Father’s Day, the day on which tons of neckties and books are liberally given to dads all over the land! So, what are 25 of the top one million things that a father can do for his son (the son who will someday be a dad)? Well, spread over the next two weeks, here they are:

1) Coached his son’s T-Ball team when the child was only 7-years-old and encouraged and coached him while the son went 33-34 at the plate, after following his dad’s advice to hit everything toward 3rd base, because nobody at that age could fire the ball to first base in time to get the kid out!

2) Managed his son’s baseball teams at age 8, 9, 11, 12, 13, and 14. Had to miss managing the 10-year-old season due to a work commitment in another state – a season that the father and son always regretted

3) Always expected more from his son in practice and games than he expected from the other boys. While the son felt somewhat pressured, he credits his dad’s driving him with his making the all-star team as the shortstop!

4) After the son continued to believe that the father was “too tough” on him in practice and in games, the dad agreed to step down as his son’s manager for the first time.

5) In one of his first games with somebody other than his father as the manager, the kid, now 15-years-old, pitched the 2nd no-hitter of his career. After the game, the son was barely able to get his father’s attention. The kid’s feelings were hurt. Later, after asking the dad for the reason behind the blow off, the kid learned that the dad had been near tears and would have broken down in front of everybody had the two spoken right after the game.

6) After refusing to get the kid another dog (the first two dogs had passed away within months of coming into the home), the father, after being away for 10 weeks and missing his son’s 10-year-old baseball season, allowed the son to get another dog – a magnificent collie who would become a buddy to the father and son.

7) After the magnificent collie passed away years later and after the son moved out and got married, the father got another collie.

8) After watching his son make two egregious mistakes in a basketball game in front of about a thousand people, the dad used the next morning to berate his child for his poor play and for embarrassing the family and the team. While the son thought that this treatment was harsh at the time, the son later realized that the ‘chewing out” had awakened him toward a quest for excellence in all that he did.

9) The dad wore a suit to work every single day – a trend that the son had decided to follow for his own career.

10) Although he had resisted purchasing a swimming pool for his children, the father eventually gave in; bought a pool; and the whole family used it as a gathering place for family fun for years.

11) Refused to let his son swim on game days until after the game, because the pros did not swim on game days.

12) Early on told the son that he would be going to college and he would earn at least one degree. There would be no discussing the matter. Nobody was more proud than the dad when the son walked across the stage to receive his B.A.

13) Demanded that the son perform regular tasks around the house, i.e., taking put the garbage, shoveling snow, etc. However, when the son started taking care of the lawn on days of 95 degrees, the dad told the son to slow down and not work so hard - apparently the dad believed that his years-long message had gotten through too well!

14) Even though the two had a breakdown in communication during the son’s final year of college, mostly due to the father’s stress at work, the dad later became a nightly visitor at the apartment of his son and new bride.

(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion of the Father's Day Top 25!)

Paul W. Reeves

No More Squirt Guns! Pt.3

2010-06-12T22:33:00.019-04:00

(Continued from June 5, 2010).... Take care of it? TAKE CARE OF IT?!?!? Well, can you imagine the amount of oil, gasoline, fire, and a few boxes of matches that the dad envisioned Robert throwing on the dispute? This fine 8-year-old, known for starting disputes, was going to end one? That was not his normal pattern of behavior (or so the parents told me!).

The dad asked Robert to repeat what he had just said. Robert said, “Don’t worry, dad. Just go back in your room and get dressed. I’ll take care of this”. With that, Robert continued down his path to the exploding bathroom. OH NO! Nothing about this sounded or looked good, as the loud arguing was still continuing between Kathy and Bill!

The dad told Robert to walk back to him. Robert, upon retreating to the dad, seemed to be holding his left arm (the arm away from the dad) in an awkward manner. The dad asked Robert what was wrong with his arm. Robert then revealed that he been carrying A FULLY LOADED RIFLE-STYLE SQUIRT GUN DOWN BY HIS SIDE, you know, the kind of toy that is JUST PERFECT for solving disputes as two people are fixing their hair before school!

Yes, ol’ Robert had planned to enter the bathroom, hose off his younger brother and older sister just moments before they had to leave the house for school and as they were fixing their hair, and CALM THEM DOWN?!?!?

Ah, yes, Robert must have concluded, a couple of gallons of gasoline should put out that fire! And, if it exploded into a larger fire? Well, 8-year-old Robert was counting on it for his enhanced morning entertainment!

While one can certainly give Robert credit for quickly designing a scheme that would produce his desired results in large quantities, one certainly had to question the overall wisdom of the plan. As you might have guessed, yes, his delay into the fray was caused by him having to go to the garage, get a squirt gun (the LARGE one, of course!), fill it with water, and scoot upstairs, all while trying to sneak past the parents! Ah yes, a carefully crafted plan that almost worked to perfection!

But, alas, the parents, who had previously purchased that squirt gun (and other squirt guns, as well) for use at the beach and in the backyard, quickly decided that perhaps their purchases were not the smartest transactions that they had ever made.

Before going to work, the dad confiscated Robert’s AK-47 (or at least it seemed like one!), as well as all of the squirt guns from the garage, and hid them in a place where no one could find them. In the future, they were only brought out for use at the beach and in the backyard upon mutual agreement by all parties. After each use, the dad locked them way.

Robert? Well, he eventually cooled off on his love of controversy involving other people and actually got along quite well with his older sister (in fact, he later came to rely on her for just about everything at school) and his younger brother (to this day, they continue to make music together and try to solve all of the world’s political issues!). As far as Kathy and Bill, they have never had another similar argument since that one exciting morning!

But, had Robert been successful with his method of “stopping” the dispute between Kathy and Bill with an early morning splash, it is possible that the resulting yelling matches would still be heard around the world today!

Yes, "NO MORE SQUIRT GUNS" quickly became the mantra and we, uh, I mean the parents, could not be happier!

So, how about you? Any near-disasters that turned out to be quite humorous? Let me know!

Paul W. Reeves

No More Squirt Guns! Pt.2

2010-06-05T22:30:00.010-04:00

(Continued from May 29, 2010) ...... Now, again, Kathy and Bill always found quick and easy solutions to any grievances that might have occurred between them, with each attempting to please the other. Robert, of course, took pleasure in having his siblings air their grievances with him all over the house!

So, whatever occurred in front of that mirror on that beautiful school morning, Kathy and Bill exploded into a shouting match aimed at each other! Their parents, getting themselves ready for work in another room, stopped and looked at each other and just listened in shock, as "water and water" verbally and loudly lashed out at each other. One would have never thought that the day of Kathy and Bill arguing over anything, much less engaging in blood curdling screams on an otherwise normal and almost perfect school morning in the home, would ever occur!

The parents shook their heads and chuckled a bit, as the idea of their two kids (previously joined at the hip and only 5 and 11 years old) arguing like the world might end actually seemed a bit cute to them .... at first!

However, the arguing did not stop as soon as it should have for the parents’ pleasure. They jointly decided that it was time to investigate the dispute, have them shake hands or hug, and get over it, even though it was the first mutual dispute of their lives!

Just as the dad was leaving his room to walk down the hallway to the bathroom, Robert was briskly walking up the stairs, hurried past the dad, and announced that he was going to take care of the situation! Actually, the parents were a little surprised that Robert had taken this long to join in the fray. This seemed like the type of scenario for which Robert lived – disputes, arguments, somebody other than him ticked off …. Ah, the perfect scenario made for Robert!

(Please come back next Saturday for the 3rd and final part).

Paul W. Reeves

No More Squirt Guns! Pt.1

2010-05-29T21:57:00.015-04:00

Sometimes families experience near horrendous incidents that, because they were averted, end up in laughter – not only for the moment, but also for several years thereafter!

Over the next three weeks, I want to share a story about three young, seemingly well-adjusted whippersnappers … oh, let’s call them Kathy (11), Robert (8), and Bill (5). Any resemblance to any children who might have lived in my house; currently live in my house; share DNA with me; or have any physical resemblance to me whatsoever, will be considered to be purely coincidental, irrespective of the actual and irrefutable facts of the case!

At any rate, during the early childhood years of the aforementioned whippersnappers, Kathy and Bill got along extremely well. To each other, the other could do no wrong. In fact, after a while, we, uh, I mean, their parents began to say that Kathy was a female version of Bill and Bill was a male version of Kathy. Despite the 6-year age difference, they bonded like they had been best friends for 50 years!

HOWEVER, Robert was on a slightly different mission in life. Apparently, he believed that his job was to engage Kathy and Bill in verbal disputes as often as possible, sending Kathy and/or Bill to their parents to lodge complaints. While Kathy and Bill went together like "water and water", Robert seemed to intentionally and gleefully provide the “oil” ingredient to each of them!

If we, uh, again, if their parents had a dollar for each time that Robert had sent Kathy or Bill over the deep end, they would be filthy rich today, with land holdings in over 70 countries and Swiss bank accounts in, well, I suppose that would be in Switzerland!

But, alas, the oil and water mixture did not pay off for any type of financial gain for the parents, but it certainly kept the parents hopping and sometimes entertained.

At any rate, on one glorious sunny school morning in April, as the whippersnappers were getting ready for school, Kathy and Bill decided to share a mirror to fix their hair. I, uh, I mean their dad, is not quite sure of the nature of the sequence of events that unfolded in front of the mirror, although it sounded (or so I am told!) like an “in my space” issue had developed between the two of them.

(Please come back next Saturday for Part 2)

Paul W. Reeves

Bee Stings are Funny? Pt.2

2010-05-22T11:19:00.009-04:00

(Continued from May 15, 2010) ...... At some point, I circled back to the van, having escaped most of the bees. I had to time my entry back in to the van with the momentary absence of the bees, so that bees would not get in the van and sting my kids. With the noise of the radio and air conditioning, I assumed that my kids knew nothing about what their dad, the security rock of the family, had just endured, including several bee stings and being chased around the storage yard by the swarms of bees!

As soon as I hurriedly opened the van door to get back in, I reached for my Slurpee to numb the pain from the bee stings … ahhh, that felt good!

I then noticed that my kids were … LAUGHING!! Not the kind of mild chuckle or tee-he in which kids often engage. Oh no, all three of my kids were laughing so hard, that they could barely contain themselves. Their Slurpees were at risk of spilling, their guts were near the bursting level, and I was a little hurt that they were laughing at my predicament.

After they finally stopped laughing (it seemed like hours!), I asked them why they were laughing at the fact that their dad had been majorly stung by bees. Well, they said, they didn’t even know that I had been stung. Rather, their gut-busting laughing ensued because I was radically running around the storage yard and waving my arms at what they thought was thin air! They had assumed that I was just being funny to entertain them, an act which, admittedly, occurred on a regular basis every day at home!

Well, the pain began to subside, I managed to get the trailer hitched up, and off we went back home, whereupon they just couldn’t wait to tell mom of the hilarious hijinks of dad zigzagging all over the storage yard, while wildly flailing his arms at the thin air, then diving in to the van and grabbing his Slurpee to put on his arm.

Of course, they felt bad and they had compassion that I had actually been stung. But, many years later, whenever they retell the story, somehow the actual bee stings get minimized and dad’s seemingly zany antics get magnified and, well, the LAUGHING begins all over again!

So, how about you? Any funny or zany stories that have produced lifelong laughter that you would like to privately share with me? If so, please send them along!

Paul W. Reeves