Music + Son + Dad=Victory(2)

(Continued from January 2, 2010) ...... He furiously practiced over the time that was available. Not only did he get the notes and rhythms, but he also played with an understanding of the emotions that I had attempted to convey with the piece. At nights and on the weekends, we played together, still trying to master every element of the piece and preparing for the upcoming performance.

Finally, the big day arrived. He flawlessly played the piece with the maturity of a seasoned pro, he nailed the credenza, and he received a perfect rating! In an instant, the mutual admiration society between my son and his favorite dad had grown even larger!

My admiration grew for him because of his perseverance, attention to detail, focused approach to the music and the instrument, and, of course, his brilliant preparation and performance. His admiration grew for me because I was willing to re-write one of my compositions just for him and accompany him on the piano. While I am sure that he appreciated the actual music, I think that he mostly appreciated the hours and hours that I logged on his behalf!

Yes, teaching your kids and watching them grow, while spending tons of time with them even when some might think that 16-year-olds don’t need dads as much in their lives (more on that terrible myth in a future blog!), and seeing their terrific work get rewarded with a perfect rating, while continuing to have his admiration grow for his dad at the same time, is a feeling that is almost too powerful to describe. Trust me, though; it’s a feeling that a parent would not trade for anything!

As always, continue to guide your kids (irrespective of their advanced age!), help them to grow, and spend lots and lots of time with them. The rewards are better than a perfect rating at a music festival!


Paul W. Reeves

Music + Son + Dad=Victory(1)

There are many times in your life as a parent when your kids will absolutely make you as proud as one can be. Moments that send chills up and down your spine and moisture to your eyes, as you experience the joy of watching your offspring have success.

My son recently decided to perform a marimba solo for the annual Solo and Ensemble Festival. While I was proud of his desire to perform for a rating in front of a musical judge, I was drawing a blank when it came to choosing music.

We looked through scores (no pun intended!) of books, read through many pieces that I had played in the past, and browsed through the inventories of a few stores. Irrespective of the time that we had logged in the quest to select a perfect piece for his performance, nothing jumped out at us.

Then ..... it hit me! I thought about taking a piece that I had written while he was in his mother’s tummy back in 1993, re-writing it for marimba, and condensing the orchestral parts into a piano part with which I would accompany his solo. I tested the idea on my son and …. HE LOVED IT!

So, after firing up “Finale”, my computer based music-writing program, I re-wrote the solo music for marimba and transcribed all accompaniment parts into one piano part. I even created and inserted an unaccompanied cadenza into the piece, so that he would be more prominently featured during the performance. I then made a recording of the piece and piano part, so that my son could engage in serious and meaningful practicing even while I was not at home.

At first, the piece seemed a bit daunting, as it featured changing time signatures (including 7/8, 4/4, and 3/4), changing tempos from very slow and dramatic to lightening fast with many 16th notes, and substantial and sudden shifts in dynamics.However, my son attacked the piece with all of the gusto and fortitude of a proven pro!

(So, how did he do? Well, tune in next week for the exciting conclusion!!)


Paul W. Reeves

Christmas is Here!!

Finally, Christmas is here!! It’s time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and, in keeping with the American tradition, give tons of presents to your kids!

Have you ever considered the gift that your child wants the most? A bike? No. A guitar or drum set? No. A computer or software? No. How about an iPod? No.

Although I have never met a child who has refused to accept the aforementioned gifts, the gift that your child truly wants is ................... YOU!! Yes, despite their daily rants about the restrictions that you place upon them, the multitude of “unfair” accusations that are lobbed your way, and the total disdain with which they look at you sometimes, the most important gift to any child is YOU and your TIME!

Similar to my own story with my own son, a few years ago, a 6th grade student (11 years old) named Robert told me about the harrowing experience that he had encountered with his dad during the previous weekend. His dad was hanging Christmas lights from their gutters on their 2-story home. It was somewhat windy and his dad even mentioned that he was a little concerned climbing up and down the ladder. At one point, he told his son to hold the bottom of the ladder just in case the wind decided to wreak some havoc.

Quite quickly, Robert became worried and he began to visualize the worst - how would his life change if his dad bought the farm while trying to beautify their home for the season? Within moments, Robert implored his dad to forget the lights for the season or try on another day. His dad told him that he would be too busy on all of the future weekends before Christmas. So, it was now or never. Robert voted for never.

Despite the bikes, guitars, drums sets, iPods, etc., that Robert’s mom and dad had provided in the past or might provide in the future, at that very moment he learned that his most important gift was his parents. He realized that, most important of all, he liked having his mom and dad home early from work; he liked their help with homework; he liked knowing that his dad would battle the “bad guys” if they broke in during the night; and he realized that his mom and dad took care of all of his needs because they loved him.

Without his parents and the time that they spent with him, Robert, on that windy Sunday afternoon, suddenly realized that he would have nobody to take care of him. Needless to say, according to Robert, his gift "needs" changed on that day.

When I asked Robert about that incident a few years later, he reiterated that the windy Sunday had changed him forever, from being a greedy kid who wanted tons of presents to a kid who smiled each night before he went to sleep, complete with the knowledge that he had parents who were in the same house and that they loved him!

So, yes, despite their constant blathering about their parents and their foibles and other deficiencies, kids are happiest and most secure when they have parents who love them, spend time with them, provide for their needs, have fun with them, and provide the emotional security blanket that they so richly need.

Merry Christmas and give your child the most needed and most precious Christmas gift of all ...... YOU!


Paul W. Reeves

Blood+Yahtzee = Family? Part 2

(Continued from December 12, 2009) ...... So, we dragged out the Yahtzee game, wiped off the dust that had gathered from years of inactivity, and sat down to play. After reviewing the rules of the game and inserting my favorite Yahtzee joke (the joke, by the way, is - “There is more to this game than meets the die”!!), we sat down to play a game. Three hours later, we had finished 4 games, while exchanging stories, sharing laughs, and bonding just like we did when they were little tykes!

Even with our competitive natures, it did not seem to matter who won. The only thing that seemed to matter was that we were together enjoying each other’s company for a prolonged period of time – not just exchanging a few short words as one enters or leaves the house, which had all too often become the case in recent times.

The next day after church, one of my kids announced that it was again time for Yahtzee!! Without much delay, everybody gathered at the kitchen table for another 3 hours of Yahtzee, while again enjoying stories, jokes, and even slightly non-offensive disagreements over the rules.

My daughter even made a few cracks about my alleged receding hairline, a myth (O.K., it’s a fact!) that she had previously been reluctant to share. But, with the camaraderie of the game in full swing, she let loose, much to the delight of the peanut gallery!

Since that weekend, we have played Yahtzee on most weekends. To add some spice to the events, we have invented our own rules for Yahtzee, such as the person with the most 6’s after ten turns wins, or the person with the most 1’s after 10 turns wins, etc.

My youngest son has also introduced Chess to the equation. As Chess only involves two players at time, it has become a good substitute for Yahtzee when others are gone. I am sure that even more games will become a part of our weekly FAMILY GAME NIGHT as time progresses. YES, a new family tradition has started in our home. I am only sorry that we did not start years ago!

So, yes, while enduring the pain of stabbing needles, while losing boatloads of blood (O.K., it was only two vials!), and hearing about nonsensical lab technician stories to get through the awkward moments, one can learn something. In this case, we learned that our family has become closer, enjoys being together more often, and that a lifelong tradition has started with gusto!

Of course, the lesson for all is to not wait until your kids are too old to start a FAMILY GAME NIGHT. And, of course, it’s never too late! The fun that you have will last for a lifetime ..... even if it costs you a little blood!

So, how about you? Do you have any rituals for family fun? Please pass them along!


Paul W. Reeves

Blood+Yahtzee = Family? Part 1

One never knows what you might learn while enduring a blood test. One thing appears certain, however - the lab technician, a person whom you have most likely never met, will, out of some level of insecurity that must exist while poking complete strangers with needles and taking their blood, attempt to engage you in some sort of mindless conversation to get through the apparently awkward moments.

Much to my chagrin, I have been “victimized” by talk of the weather, the Detroit Tigers, the newest purse that the technician purchased, stories about their kids, their upcoming blind dates, and, well, a myriad of stories/topics that are meant to get the technician and the patient through the potentially uncomfortable moments between two strangers.

HOWEVER, I recently engaged the technician in a conversation that has changed life for my whole family! While having my blood taken by the technician, she repeatedly told me that she had worked 8 straight days, she was due to go home in about five minutes, and she was going to relax. To be polite, I asked her if she had any other plans for the rest of the weekend.

After going through a litany of her obligations for the weekend, including attending a wedding, selecting a ring for her own engagement, buying new clothes, etc., she also spoke of a pending Sunday night FAMILY GAME NIGHT at her parents’ house. Ignoring the stabbing pain of the needles and the draining of what appeared to be multiple gallons of my blood, I pressed for details.

She indicated that, even though she and her sisters had moved out on their own, all of them return to their parents' house every Sunday night for game night. She then listed the different types of games that they often played, all of them popular games, including Pictionary, card games, Monopoly, etc.

Even during the stabbing with the needles, my mind quickly bought into the idea. YES, we would establish a FAMILY GAME NIGHT at our house. Since all of my kids still live at home, it would be an easy tradition to start – hopefully starting a tradition that would last a lifetime, long after they move out!

So, later that night, Band-Aids and gauze still affixed to my arm, I gathered my kids around the kitchen and I announced that FAMILY GAME NIGHT was about to begin. Although I somewhat feared the “lame dad” reaction, much to my delight, they agreed to give it a shot!

(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion!)

Paul W. Reeves