Troubled Teen (2)

(Continued from January 31, 2009) .......

* Has brought a weapon to school ---
If your child has been caught with a weapon in school - WATCH OUT! He/she has already developed violent thoughts and has considered a means for carrying out the violence. If you have weapons in your home (a recent survey indicated that 43% of Americans home have a gun in the home), be sure to keep them locked up!!

Apart from the locked up weapons in your home, the fact that your child has a weapon is a serious concern. Many murderers started their careers in crime by carrying a gun (they probably started off with rubber bands, sharp pencils, etc., then escalated to actual weapons). Nothing good can come from a child carrying a weapon. Get the weapon away from him/her and be prepared for years of professional assistance.


* Has serious disciplinary problems at school or in the community ---
Children do not engage in serious disciplinary problems without cause, whether it is provocation, substance abuse, emotional difficulty, trouble adjusting to adolescence, etc. However, serious disciplinary problems in school are always a sign of something that has gone amiss with your child. Get the necessary help right away!


* Abuses drugs, alcohol or other substances ---

Well, we have addressed this issue many times. Poor self-esteem, peer pressure, emotional difficulty, poor home life, etc., can lead to abuse of a variety of substances. Substance abuse will not go away by itself. Your child is screaming for help. Do not wait - get the help right away!


* Has few or no close friends ---
A large part of growing up is developing friends. While the adolescent years can be brutal on a child's relationships (friends one day and enemies the next), it is absolutely crucial for your child to develop at least one trusting, close friend. Your child needs at least one peer with whom to share feelings, thoughts, and issues about growing up.

If your child does not have any close friends, it is indicative of the fact that your child might be suffering from poor self-esteem, does not possess the ability to develop friends, or prefers to be alone at all times - even though this is not generally the true desire of most kids.

A child who is a loner is left to struggle through the dangers of adolescence all alone - without the help of any peers. The suggestion is to get and keep your child involved in various activities in which other kids engage, such as scouts, bowling, science club, etc. - any desirable activity where others are present and active would be highly beneficial to your child. of course, it's best to start these types of activities early in life, but it is never too late!


Hang in there, continue to love and support your kids, and we'll learn more soon!


Paul W. Reeves

Troubled Teen (1)

According to the National School Safety Center in Westlake Village, Calif., be concerned if your child (my comments are below each bold bullet):


* Has a history of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts ---
While this might be "cute" when they're little, angry outbursts are usually signs of a serious underlying issue, including, but not necessarily limited to, depression, anger, emotional difficulty, possible addictions to a variety of items, poor relationships with peers and/or adults, etc.

When angry outbursts occur with some regularity, be quick to seek the source of anger through questioning your child, his/her Principal, teachers and other school officials, church workers, and others who are acquainted with your child.

If all else fails, get your child to a professional therapist as soon as possible, as unaddressed anger issues will continue to build and fester and then become major issues that will retard later development.


* Uses abusive language or calls people names ---
Similar to the above-referenced advice, abusive language, unless you tolerate, promote, and model such behavior, is often a call for help! My advice: Do not allow your child to engage in the use of abusive language for any purpose. Of course, parental modeling of proper language would be a big help.

However, if abusive language persists, since it is most likely a call for help, get immediate help from your support group up to and including professional help.


* Makes violent threats when angry ---
Have you ever been physically threatened by your child? I certainly hope not. However, from my years as a Principal and Teacher, I can tell you with certainty that it is not an isolated incident when a child threatens his/her parent. If your child threatens you, he/she might need to be removed from the home for a brief period or longer.

I am reminded of one particular parent who told me that she was never sure that she would awaken each morning, because she feared that her son was going to kill her while she was sleeping! He had threatened to kill her while she slept and so, instead of getting him the necessary help, she chose to sleep in fear each night.

No, no, and NO - do not tolerate this behavior. Your child (and perhaps others) needs immediate help. Do not wait for another second. Call your child's school, friends, church, etc. for professional references.

Be prepared on this one: If your child has escalated his/her intolerant behavior to the point of physically threatening one or both of the parents, the "cure" will not come soon. Rather, it might take years before the reasons for the behavior are discovered and properly weeded out!


As some have expressed in the past, I know that many of these stories can be disturbing. However, although there are multiple homes that function on a great level every single day, there are also several homes that have to deal with these issues on a continuing basis.

So, hang in there, love your kids, and use all of your resources to help them to properly be prepared to enter adulthood!!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)


Paul W. Reeves