Dad and Child - Together!

Long before my children were born, I decided that I wanted their biggest influence to be ... ME – not their friends, the drug users, the drinkers, the kids who never tried to succeed in school, etc., but their greatest everyday influence was to be their favorite DAD!!

So, as a part of my journey toward becoming their biggest influence, I decided that, whenever I ventured out of the house to run an errand, I would ALWAYS take at least one child with me. In this manner, irrespective of what might be happening in the hustle and bustle of everyday life in the home, I could always escape with at least one child for a focused conversation, lesson on life, or just listening to the tales of their trials and tribulations.

One day I needed to travel to the local hardware store, about a 2 minute drive from our house. As I gathered up my oldest son (about 8-years-old at the time) to make the trip with me, I was looking forward to the isolated time together, the conversations that would ensue, and the possible lessons that my son would learn from me, including shopping for the necessary part and interacting with store employees.

However, as we were about to leave the driveway, I noticed that he looked a little concerned about something. When I asked him if all was O.K., he told me that he was fine. But, the look on his face told me otherwise.

I made a quick decision to bypass the local hardware store for the 2-minute drive and continued to the chain hardware store about 15 minutes away, thereby allowing me a total of 30 minutes of focused drive time to delve into my son’s obvious annoyance with some issue.

During the trip to the store, we talked about a variety of topics, including his upcoming baseball season, the Detroit Tigers, school, etc. He was quite chatty, but it still appeared as though something was bothering him. We arrived at the store, did our shopping for the needed part, and then got in the car for the ride home.

As we closed in on the 10-minute mark of the 15-minute drive home, my son suddenly asked me, “Dad, would you ever get drunk?” Well, somehow I managed to keep the car on the road as I told him that I would never allow myself to become inebriated. Of course, I then did the obvious. As this question came completely out of the dark with no lead-in or even an iota of purpose to me, I asked him why he would ask me such a question.

He then told me of his friend Mike (not his real name) in his 3rd grade class. Mike had told my son that his dad regularly gets drunk, beats up the mother and kids, and then leaves the family for a few days at a time. They never know if he is coming back!! Mike also told my son that ALL DADS do this, so he should be careful about me. To say the least, my son was conflicted, as he had been living in a loving home, yet his friends told him that ALL DADS do this!

Ah ha!! So I had my answer as to my son’s obvious concern about something. I then turned our drive home of less than 5 minutes into a few more errands that took over an hour, just so we could be alone to discuss this important topic. I assured my son that I would never be drunk, that I would never beat up our family, and that I would never disappear for days at a time. My reassurances did wonders for him, as his mood became brighter and he even suggested that we stop for ice-cream (a favorite activity in our family!). I also told my son that I would try and get help for Mike and his family (more about this in a future post – all is now well with Mike and his family!!).

Now - and here’s the big point - if I had just traipsed off to the local hardware store alone (which, by the way, would have been much easier and faster), I might have never heard about Mike’s story and my son’s concern that it could happen in our home. But, by consciously seizing every single possible moment to spend time with my kids, the situation allowed for the comfort zone in which my son could tell me of his concerns.

If I had not had those moments alone with my kids, it is possible that a stronger influence in his life (a friend, perhaps?) might have confirmed the story and confirmed that my son had better watch out for his dad!!

But, by being the strongest influence in my son's life, he knew where to go to find the truth ..... HIS DAD!!

How about you? Please pass along your suggestions as to how you have become, or plan to become, the strongest influence in your child’s life. After all, if you’re not the strongest influence in his/her life, somebody else will be!!

Hang in there and spend quality and quantity time with your kids!!


Paul W. Reeves

No More Squirt Guns! Pt.3

(Continued from June 5, 2010).... Take care of it? TAKE CARE OF IT?!?!? Well, can you imagine the amount of oil, gasoline, fire, and a few boxes of matches that the dad envisioned Robert throwing on the dispute? This fine 8-year-old, known for starting disputes, was going to end one? That was not his normal pattern of behavior (or so the parents told me!).

The dad asked Robert to repeat what he had just said. Robert said, “Don’t worry, dad. Just go back in your room and get dressed. I’ll take care of this”. With that, Robert continued down his path to the exploding bathroom. OH NO! Nothing about this sounded or looked good, as the loud arguing was still continuing between Kathy and Bill!

The dad told Robert to walk back to him. Robert, upon retreating to the dad, seemed to be holding his left arm (the arm away from the dad) in an awkward manner. The dad asked Robert what was wrong with his arm. Robert then revealed that he been carrying A FULLY LOADED RIFLE-STYLE SQUIRT GUN DOWN BY HIS SIDE, you know, the kind of toy that is JUST PERFECT for solving disputes as two people are fixing their hair before school!


Yes, ol’ Robert had planned to enter the bathroom, hose off his younger brother and older sister just moments before they had to leave the house for school and as they were fixing their hair, and CALM THEM DOWN?!?!?

Ah, yes, Robert must have concluded, a couple of gallons of gasoline should put out that fire! And, if it exploded into a larger fire? Well, 8-year-old Robert was counting on it for his enhanced morning entertainment!

While one can certainly give Robert credit for quickly designing a scheme that would produce his desired results in large quantities, one certainly had to question the overall wisdom of the plan. As you might have guessed, yes, his delay into the fray was caused by him having to go to the garage, get a squirt gun (the LARGE one, of course!), fill it with water, and scoot upstairs, all while trying to sneak past the parents! Ah yes, a carefully crafted plan that almost worked to perfection!

But, alas, the parents, who had previously purchased that squirt gun (and other squirt guns, as well) for use at the beach and in the backyard, quickly decided that perhaps their purchases were not the smartest transactions that they had ever made.

Before going to work, the dad confiscated Robert’s AK-47 (or at least it seemed like one!), as well as all of the squirt guns from the garage, and hid them in a place where no one could find them. In the future, they were only brought out for use at the beach and in the backyard upon mutual agreement by all parties. After each use, the dad locked them way.

Robert? Well, he eventually cooled off on his love of controversy involving other people and actually got along quite well with his older sister (in fact, he later came to rely on her for just about everything at school) and his younger brother (to this day, they continue to make music together and try to solve all of the world’s political issues!). As far as Kathy and Bill, they have never had another similar argument since that one exciting morning!

But, had Robert been successful with his method of “stopping” the dispute between Kathy and Bill with an early morning splash, it is possible that the resulting yelling matches would still be heard around the world today!

Yes, "NO MORE SQUIRT GUNS" quickly became the mantra and we, uh, I mean the parents, could not be happier!

So, how about you? Any near-disasters that turned out to be quite humorous? Let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

No More Squirt Guns! Pt.2

(Continued from May 29, 2010) ...... Now, again, Kathy and Bill always found quick and easy solutions to any grievances that might have occurred between them, with each attempting to please the other. Robert, of course, took pleasure in having his siblings air their grievances with him all over the house!

So, whatever occurred in front of that mirror on that beautiful school morning, Kathy and Bill exploded into a shouting match aimed at each other! Their parents, getting themselves ready for work in another room, stopped and looked at each other and just listened in shock, as "water and water" verbally and loudly lashed out at each other. One would have never thought that the day of Kathy and Bill arguing over anything, much less engaging in blood curdling screams on an otherwise normal and almost perfect school morning in the home, would ever occur!

The parents shook their heads and chuckled a bit, as the idea of their two kids (previously joined at the hip and only 5 and 11 years old) arguing like the world might end actually seemed a bit cute to them .... at first!

However, the arguing did not stop as soon as it should have for the parents’ pleasure. They jointly decided that it was time to investigate the dispute, have them shake hands or hug, and get over it, even though it was the first mutual dispute of their lives!

Just as the dad was leaving his room to walk down the hallway to the bathroom, Robert was briskly walking up the stairs, hurried past the dad, and announced that he was going to take care of the situation! Actually, the parents were a little surprised that Robert had taken this long to join in the fray. This seemed like the type of scenario for which Robert lived – disputes, arguments, somebody other than him ticked off …. Ah, the perfect scenario made for Robert!

(Please come back next Saturday for the 3rd and final part).


Paul W. Reeves

"Scuz Bucket" No More!

For many years, dating back to when I was a little tyke, I used the term “Scuz Bucket” to describe a person, including myself, who was in need of a bath or some clean clothes. After a day of playing baseball in the hot sun, I would come home and say, “Mom, I am a Scuz Bucket. I need a shower – fast!” After some grooming and some clean clothes, I would no longer be a Scuz Bucket!

In fact, the term “Scuz Bucket” was eventually picked up by my friends and other family members. As you might have guessed, when I would call a friend to see if he wanted to go somewhere with me, if the friend was in need of a shower, he would have said, “Sure, but right now I’m a Scuz Bucket”.

All of us would use it day in and day out to describe each other, ourselves, or others as the term needed to be applied. In short, “Scuz Bucket” became an integrated part of our vernacular, as much as did mom, dad, and apple pie!

So, it stood to reason that the term “Scuz Bucket” would continue to be a part of my regular speech when my children were born. Instead of saying, “Wow, you’re dirty and you need a bath”, I would say, “Wow, what a Scuz Bucket, let’s get you a bath”! Or, it was not unusual for one of my kids to say, “Wow, dad, I’ve been playing in the sun all day. I feel like a “Scuz Bucket’”.

In our family, the term “Scuz Bucket” was applied with love (yes, it is possible to do that!) and caring. It was never meant for the purpose of harm. I loved the term, our kids loved the term, and it was used throughout our home like, well, the terms of mom, dad, and apple pie!

The term “Scuz Bucket” would most likely never have been an issue, had it continued to be used solely in the home with family members or in interactions with friends.

HOWEVER, on one very hot and sunny Saturday afternoon, my kids and I stopped at a 7-11 store for some delicious Slurpees (check my post from September 19, 2009, to learn of the importance of Slurpees in our home!). Yes, on this hot day of 95 degrees with no breeze, a Slurpee would hit the spot and all would be well with the world.

After we had made our selections, we were waiting in line to pay when a tough-looking gentleman entered the store. He had the classic look of a guy who had been working ALL DAY in the hot sun. He was filthy, his white t-shirt was nearly black, his jeans were covered with dirt and mud, and his pants were ripped at the knees. Clearly, he had spent his day working in the yard, garden, planting trees, or digging ditches. Or, with his obvious physical strength, he could have spent the day lifting greasy cars over the fence for all that I knew!

I looked at the gentleman and I noted that he looked like he really needed a Slurpee or two. In fact, I was admiring the level of work in which he must have been engaged all day on a hot and sunny summer afternoon.

At the moment of my admiration, my oldest son (about 4 years old at the time) walked up to me with a sense of urgency as he said in a soft but urgent voice, “Dad, dad, that guy is a Scuz bucket”!!!! OUCH!

Fortunately, my son whispered his observation, so the tough-guy gentleman did not hear my son’s observation and my immediate health outlook was still looking pretty good! Of course, I told my son that we could not discuss it in the store and to wait until we got back to the car. He seemed perplexed and rightfully so. I had just told him to not speak about a term that we had liberally used in our home!

After we got to the car, I told all three kids that, although the term had been appropriately applied in the 7-11, from now on, the term “Scuz Bucket” could only be used in our house, as it might offend others!!

Yes, a quick lesson at the 7-11 for my kids ……… and their dad! It’s amazing how quickly that you can provide lessons for all when your life flashes in front of you with a tough-looking gentleman at a 7-11!

So, how about you? Have you ever had a family tradition, used in love and caring, that later rose to embarrass you in public? If so, let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

"Wish I Were 2 Again"

A few weeks ago, I made the following comment to my 16-year-old and 22-year-old kids: “Hey, if you two are really good, I’ll let you help me clean the garage today”.

Well, as you might have guessed, the two whippersnappers gave me the “Yeah, right” look and laughed. I told them that the line would have worked years ago when they were young and impressionable ……. well, maybe not, as I then recalled this story from our younger family days on a summer day when my daughter was only 3-years-old:

During a family camping trip, my wife and I, along with her parents and adult brother, as well as our 3-year-old daughter and 6-month-old son were headed from the car to the beach. As was usually the case, traveling to the beach with the aforementioned group meant taking everything that we owned (at least it seemed like it!), seemingly including the kitchen sink!

As a result, with the plethora of chairs, coolers, beach toys, goods for the baby, umbrellas, bags of lotion, reading material, and, well you get the idea, we had to temporarily employ our 3-year-old daughter to help with the hauling of goods to the beach.

Of course, the five adults handled the heavy equipment and our baby, so the hauling that our 3-year-old needed to do was not much. In fact, as I recall, I only had her carry some goods to help to teach her that we needed to earn our rewards in life - in this case, the upcoming fun at the beach!

However, as we were walking up the hill on our 300-yard trek to the beach, she began to feel the burden of carrying a couple of items. While walking behind her, I noticed that she began to slow down and that she was struggling. I could also tell that she was close to stopping, crying, and begging for help. Again, her load was not heavy, it just would have been more fun for her to have her dad carry everything while she enjoyed the journey!

In the moments just before she was about to go down for the count, I loudly proclaimed to everybody in our group, “Wow, isn’t she something? She is quite the strong and responsible 3-year-old, carrying those items to the beach and helping the family. I am so proud of her. There is no way that she could have done this last year when she was 2-years-old!!”

I thought that I had engaged in terrific parenting, as I encouraged my daughter, pumped up her self-esteem, and kept her marching toward the goal with confidence. After I finished my words, my daughter stood up a little straighter, walked a little faster, and continued confidently on her journey. Ah yes, parenting at its best, or so I thought!

However, a few steps after I had said, “There is no way that she could have done this last year when she was 2-years-old”, my 3-year-old daughter did not miss a step when she uttered, “Gee, I sure wish that I were 2 again!”

And there you have it! I haven’t been able to use my psychological parenting skills on my kids at all. After all, when a 3-year-old trumps you, it’s time to get some new skills!

So, since that time, I have continued to re-enact that scenario around the house while changing the details, kind of like the garage story! The nice part, though, is that my kids do help, even though my psychological parenting ploys have miserably failed! ...... Or have they???

How about you? Any quick and witty retorts that your kids have uttered in their youth? If so, please pass them along!

It is stories like these that have made involved parenting such a grand reward!


Paul W. Reeves

Christmas is Here!!

Finally, Christmas is here!! It’s time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and, in keeping with the American tradition, give tons of presents to your kids!

Have you ever considered the gift that your child wants the most? A bike? No. A guitar or drum set? No. A computer or software? No. How about an iPod? No.

Although I have never met a child who has refused to accept the aforementioned gifts, the gift that your child truly wants is ................... YOU!! Yes, despite their daily rants about the restrictions that you place upon them, the multitude of “unfair” accusations that are lobbed your way, and the total disdain with which they look at you sometimes, the most important gift to any child is YOU and your TIME!

Similar to my own story with my own son, a few years ago, a 6th grade student (11 years old) named Robert told me about the harrowing experience that he had encountered with his dad during the previous weekend. His dad was hanging Christmas lights from their gutters on their 2-story home. It was somewhat windy and his dad even mentioned that he was a little concerned climbing up and down the ladder. At one point, he told his son to hold the bottom of the ladder just in case the wind decided to wreak some havoc.

Quite quickly, Robert became worried and he began to visualize the worst - how would his life change if his dad bought the farm while trying to beautify their home for the season? Within moments, Robert implored his dad to forget the lights for the season or try on another day. His dad told him that he would be too busy on all of the future weekends before Christmas. So, it was now or never. Robert voted for never.

Despite the bikes, guitars, drums sets, iPods, etc., that Robert’s mom and dad had provided in the past or might provide in the future, at that very moment he learned that his most important gift was his parents. He realized that, most important of all, he liked having his mom and dad home early from work; he liked their help with homework; he liked knowing that his dad would battle the “bad guys” if they broke in during the night; and he realized that his mom and dad took care of all of his needs because they loved him.

Without his parents and the time that they spent with him, Robert, on that windy Sunday afternoon, suddenly realized that he would have nobody to take care of him. Needless to say, according to Robert, his gift "needs" changed on that day.

When I asked Robert about that incident a few years later, he reiterated that the windy Sunday had changed him forever, from being a greedy kid who wanted tons of presents to a kid who smiled each night before he went to sleep, complete with the knowledge that he had parents who were in the same house and that they loved him!

So, yes, despite their constant blathering about their parents and their foibles and other deficiencies, kids are happiest and most secure when they have parents who love them, spend time with them, provide for their needs, have fun with them, and provide the emotional security blanket that they so richly need.

Merry Christmas and give your child the most needed and most precious Christmas gift of all ...... YOU!


Paul W. Reeves

Dads and Video Games? - Part 2

(Continued from November 28, 2009) ...... The next morning, I got up at about 7:00 a.m. When I realized that all of my kids were still sleeping, I ventured downstairs to …. well, O.K., I decided to play Wii Bowling for a few minutes – NOT THAT I WAS ADDICTED OR ANYTHING!!

However, much to my dismay, I had no clue as to how to turn on the system. I tried everything that I could for about an hour. Again, NOT THAT I WAS BECOMING ADDICTED OR ANYTHING, but I finally had to wake up my youngest son at about 8:00 a.m. for instructions. He provided the needed tips and I was off to practice Wii Bowling by myself (a sign of addiction?) for about two hours with my right arm, both legs, and back howling at the sudden resurrection of a childhood activity!

I did everything in that game for two hours, including tons of strikes, tons of spares, converting splits, rolling several 200 games, and ….. well, admittedly, I was beginning to think about the fact that I just couldn’t walk away and, uh, you know, do things that a normal dad does.

At about 10:00 a.m., my youngest son came down and said, “Um, dad, you woke me up for instructions on the Wii and now you’re sweating while playing alone in the family room …… uh, what would you say to me at a moment like this”?

I menacingly glared at him and said, “That doesn’t matter right now – pick up a remote and prepare to be defeated”!!!

For the next few days, I took on all comers and I showed no mercy while defeating each whippersnapper one at a time!! YES, I was in my element and YES, I pulled a muscle when the rug slipped, but, hey, man, I was in the groove; rolling 200’s and winning!

Well, alrighty then, since my own dad is no longer here to drag me away from the video game, I did the only responsible thing that a dad can do – I played several more games; defeated everybody several more times; and then I peacefully walked away, as my right arm, both legs, and back all left me for another, less competitive dad!

O.K., I’m exaggerating about the addiction on my part, as I knew the signs and stopped long before I crossed the line. But, if you can play a few games with your kids, even if it involves video games, go for it! The memories that we made over the weekend will last a lifetime – which is about how long it will be before I physically recover from my injuries!

Also, a good lesson would be as follows: While playing a video game with your kids, try to notice if you “feel the rush” that kids feel when they play video games. It is real and it can be dangerously addictive – so be careful, but have some fun with your kids, too!


Paul W. Reeves

Dads and Video Games? - Part 1

I have long written about the evils and dangers of video games, particularly with regard to inappropriate content and the possibility of becoming addicted to them. Far too often, I have seen adolescents and teens begin to play video games for fun and, before long, their sole focus in life seems to be video games. They can’t get enough; the content turns more sinister; and they disengage from regular life.

With all of that in mind, can dads become addicted to video games? OF COURSE NOT!! …. Or can they?? Well, after reading the details of my family’s Thanksgiving Weekend, you can decide!

After spending the entire day together watching the Detroit Lions and talking about life, we finally settled down for dinner at around 8:00 p.m. After the dinner, as I was contemplating going to bed for the night, my youngest child (15) tried to get the whole family involved in a simple video game, called “Mario Cart”.

My two older children (18 and 21) quickly took the bait and they began to get their controllers ready for the big match. As I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about actually playing video games, let alone trying to beat experienced whippersnappers, I tried my best to beg off. My kids would have nothing to do with it. Before I knew it, in an attempt to keep the Thanksgiving camaraderie going, I was involved in a “Mario Cart” game with my 3 offspring, each of whom was far superior in skill to me!

Needless to say, after several agonizing minutes of losing round after round, the game mercifully ended and I officially finished in LAST PLACE!

After that humiliating experience, I asked my kids if they had some type of sports video game. To keep the evening going, they all too eagerly indicated that they had "Sports Wii" and they would be happy to challenge me in those games, as well.

Well, back in the day, I was a halfway decent bowler (I averaged in the 180’s in high school), so I challenged them to a game of Wii blowing. Mustering all of the skill that I once possessed, as well as recalling my competitive nature to the forefront, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the Wii Bowling game actually utilizes skills that are similar to real bowling! Trying to not foam at the mouth (after all, that would be a sign of video game addiction!), I used my old bowling style to BLOW AWAY my first competitor. I then proceeded to systematically and soundly defeat the other two challengers! YES, I was on a roll!

For the next 2-3 hours, I blew away all competition in regular bowling, power bowling, and spares bowling. There was no stopping me now!! Near the midnight hour, long after I should have been sleeping, I mercifully allowed my kids to play a different game without me and I quietly ventured to bed, sore right arm, both legs, and back barely intact.........

(Come back next Saturday for the exciting conclusion!)


Paul W. Reeves

Performing With My Sons

Back on April 18, 2009, I wrote about the opportunity that I had to sing in church with my favorite daughter (actually, she is my only daughter, but she is still my favorite!). Even though I have been involved in professionally performing music for over 30 years, I had never had the chance to perform with my own children.

So, yes, the little girl who used to hug her daddy good-bye as he left the house on a Friday or Saturday night to play music, eventually grew into adulthood and, yes, finally shared a song with me in public.

Well, 2009 has been quite the year, as I recently had the chance to perform with both of my sons at the same time, making 2009 the year during which I first got to perform with all of my kids!

During a summer outdoor concert for which I was hired to perform, the organizers wanted me to showcase some “youth” for about five minutes during my performance. I boldly asked if I could have my own sons perform and, much to my delight, the question was met with a resounding “YES!”

So, after a few weeks of rehearsing a tune that I wrote for the occasion, we were ready to showcase our stuff to the world (well, at least 250 people). With me on vibes, my oldest son on guitar, and my youngest son on the drum set, coupled with pre-recorded piano and bass parts, we were ready to go.

About 45 minutes into my performance, I announced that the organizers had wanted me to showcase some youth. So, as we had a previously unused drum set on the stage, I asked if there was a youth boy/girl who would like to come up and play the drums. I looked around the audience and said, “Why, yes, we have a young man in the back who has volunteered.” The audience appropriately cheered. I then announced that he was coming up with his own drum sticks. The audience began to sense a scam! I then complimented him on his good looks and suggested that he must look just like his dad! The audience erupted in laughter and cheering as they realized that it must have been my own son who was making his way to the stage!

I then asked if any youth boy/girl wanted to play the previously unused guitar that was on the stage. A young man raised his hand and I said, “Why, yes, young man, please come up and join us.” The audience cheered. I then mentioned that he was also good looking and that he must look like his dad, too! The audience again cheered when they realized that I was just about to perform with two of my own children!

(Keeping it from a clean sweep with all of my kids was the fact that my daughter was performing music at a professional level in another state!).


At any rate, we started the nearly 8-minute tune (they agreed to “lower” their standards and play some Smooth Jazz with me), which featured the melody, a vibes solo and extended guitar and drum solos! Needless to say, my boys made me proud with their professional and prepared approach, their conquering of nerves, and their terrific performances.

In fact, when we finished, I told the audience that I had always told my sons that they would always have a place to live until they surpassed me in music proficiency. I then said that, based upon the performance that they had just given, they would be exiting the home right after we got home! The audience cheered wildly for both boys – deservedly so! They were outstanding!

Yes, their performances were terrific! But, even if they had performed poorly, it was a treat to FINALLY play on stage in public with my two favorite sons!

They each have terrific music careers ahead of them. And, even when I become old and frail (which will be about 150 years from now!), I will still remember the day that we shared a stage early in their careers! YES!!


Paul W. Reeves

Games - A Happy Ending!

I am reminded of an 8th grade student, named Tony. One day before school in the gymnasium, a student reported to me that Tony had picked up a smaller child named Steve and body slammed him to the hard gym floor. As the Principal, I should have immediately high-tailed it to the gym. But, considering the source of the report (it was from a less-than-reputable student) and the difficult-to-believe nature of the story, I intensively questioned the student for a few more seconds.

When I decided that there might be some credence to his story, (although I still imagined that it was just a rumor), I quickly went to the gym, whereupon I saw Steve on the floor, holding his neck. After we attended to Steve (fortunately, he was not severely injured), I asked Tony what had happened.

To my disbelief, he indicated that he had picked up Steve and body-slammed him to the gym floor. He had been practicing that move for a few weeks after he had studied it on one of his video games. He also noticed that the victim on the game always got right back up and continued fighting. He wanted to see if it happened that way in real life, too! Well, Tony, in real life – people don’t get right back up and sometimes they don’t get back up at all after being body-slammed to the gym floor!

Tony was not a fool or a child with severe learning disabilities. He was an above-average student who, under ordinary circumstances, would have never tried that move in real life. However, due to video game addiction, Tony’s judgment became clouded enough that he actually began to believe that a child in real life might react in similar fashion to a video game person after becoming a victim of violence. Yes, Tony actually believed that Steve would just hop right up!

Unfortunately, Tony’s parents (separated pending an upcoming divorce) were nothing like Ben’s parents (I wrote about Ben and his parents in a previous post) who had quickly interceded on their son’s behalf. No, Tony’s parents scolded him for hurting another child and then they let him continue with his video game playing despite numerous pleas from me. To the surprise of nobody, Tony was later often suspended from high school and he became a dropout at age sixteen. Does this scenario sound familiar amongst your child's circle of friends? I hope not, but it occurs more often than you might think.

The happy ending is that we gathered a team of experts, Psychologist, Social Worker, and a Clinical Counselor, as well as some of Tony’s friends, his parents and I, and we performed an intervention. We confronted Tony about his violent behavior and his path to destruction and his journey to “loser-dom”. After nearly an hour of people telling Tony how much they cared about him, Tough-Guy Tony broke down and cried and admitted that he did not know how to deal with people, including his friends, without getting violent.

After about 6 months of intensive therapy, Tony and his Therapist concluded that his addiction to the violence on the video games had clouded his judgment and, yes, Tony had come to believe that there was no difference between the violence in video games and the violence in real life. Ouch!

Fast forwarding a few years, Tony went back to high school and graduated before venturing off to college to become a ..... yes, a Therapist! Today, he maintains a successful practice which is geared toward helping children with addictions, including the ever-growing actions to video games! Finally, a happy ending to a troubled youth!


Paul W. Reeves

Slurpees From 7-11

For more years than I care to confess, long before I had children, I often stopped at 7-11 on the way home from work on Friday afternoons for a delicious Coke Slurpee. Ah, the ice-cold taste of the Coke Slurpee was quite relaxing, as it took the edge off of a busy week.

Starting when my daughter was about 9 months old, one of my enjoyable daily tasks was to pick her up on the way home from work. Even when she was quite young, I continued the Friday tradition of the Slurpee run before I picked her up. The Slurpee would not be finished before I arrived at the babysitter’s house, so I still had more to enjoy after I put her in the car.

As you might have guessed, as she got older, she began to get quite curious about dad’s Slurpee every Friday. Eventually, she asked for a taste, and just like her dad, she loved it!

After it became age-appropriate, my stops on Friday afternoons led me to purchase TWO Slurpee drinks, my usual one and one for my favorite daughter. We would then spend the entire ride home enjoying our Friday afternoon treats.

This Friday Slurpee tradition continued for a few years, even after my first son was born. Of course, he eventually became ensnared in the Slurpee game and I was soon purchasing THREE Slurpee drinks after work on every Friday afternoon.

As you might have guessed, after my 2nd son was born, I was soon purchasing FOUR Slurpee drinks every Friday. Is there any better way to end the work week and start the weekend than to enjoy a Slurpee with your kids?

Eventually, as my kids entered school and I no longer picked them up from the babysitter’s house, I stopped arriving with FOUR Slurpees. However, after we were home for a few hours, we often hopped in the car and traveled to … you guessed it, 7-11 for another round of Slurpees!!

Although the Slurpee brigade eventually tailed off as my kids got older, to this day we will often stop at a 7-11 while we are on our way to other places, just so that we can relive the memories that my kids can remember since their very early days. Additionally, sometimes while on my way home, I will call home and ask anybody if they want a Slurpee. Of course, the answers are always affirmative!!

So, what is the lesson as my kids and I continue to enjoy Slurpees? I believe that the answer can be found under the topic of Family Tradition. Kids like to relive childhood memories that were positive, consistent, and brought about some level of bonding with their parents.

It’s the same reason that many adults take vacations at the same destinations that they frequented when they were children; it’s the same reason that many folks feel good when they put on music that their parents played in the house when they were tots; and it’s the same reason that adults like to revisit their old neighborhoods, even after their parents have moved out.

Yes, positive childhood memories, whether it’s friends, family love, the neighborhood, or even Slurpees with dad, are great to live over and over again. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m getting a taste for a delicious Coke Slurpee!!

How about you? Do you have any memories or activities to share from when your kids were little - the types of memories that are fun to relive over and over again? Thank you!


Paul W. Reeves

Kids As Teachers

O.K., when did it actually happen? When did this first take place? Of course, I am talking about the exact moment that my children became the teachers and I became the student!

After all, since their birth, I have been one of their most involved teachers, as I taught them to ride bikes, listen to quality music, appreciate the right things in life, how to clean the garage, how to rake leaves (well, O.K., their skills have dwindled in those last two areas!!), how to eat and drink, how to get rid of the diapers forever, how to drive a car (starting with their toy “Barbie” and “Corvette” cars), and, well, just about everything else that comes to mind.

Yes, as one of their first teachers, I have spent several thousand days as their instructor! But, it was noted that it all recently changed.

For starters, my kids convinced me to get my own iPod, instead of borrowing theirs or getting a new CD player for the car. I had already decided that I would never succumb to purchasing such a highly developed technological device, irrespective of the convenience that it would bring to me! After all, my turntables and 8-Track players still work just fine!

But, shortly after this past Christmas, my kids finally convinced me that it was time for their dad to take the plunge. My daughter even arranged a deal in which it would only cost me $30.00 for a used iPod Classic! Even I had to admit that the deal was too good to pass up!

So, after laying out the cash for the iPod and armed with a bevy of jazz music, classical music, and pastoral sermons on CD’s (yes, I was kidding about the 8-Tracks!), I was all set to place all of them on my iPod. I could already picture the multitude of uses, including listening with extreme ease to anything while driving or running, instead of digging for a CD that had fallen under the driver’s seat! There was only one problem: I had no clue how to put the CD’s on my iPod!

So, my kids, anxious to become my teacher and appearing to enjoy the role way too much, sat down at the computer with me to take me through the steps. The first step, as they explained it, was to create my own Playlist, not so much to help me, but so that my music and sermons would not somehow land on their Playlists (apparently, that would be considered to be highly embarrassing to whippersnappers of today!).

After creating my very own Playlist, they told me to enter a CD in the disc drive. They calmly and methodically took me through the remainder of the steps, including exiting the “Download” screen and entering the “Music” screen, naming each track, listing the artist, the name of the album, and categorizing each CD. Although it took nearly 5 minutes to pour through the naming of each sermon CD, my kids assured me that they are now named forever.

Well, O.K., I can handle that! I told them that I would be fine for the next several hours, as I would not need any help from this point forward. After all, I was the dad and the “Master Teacher” in the family!!!

After my first CD was loaded, named, and transferred to my very own Playlist, they moved to other activities in house, leaving me alone to put several CD’s on my Playlist. Trying to remember the steps, I loaded the CD, named each track, named each artist, categorized each one, and then attempted to transfer them to my iPod. BIG PROBLEM! When I transferred the tracks to my iPod, they were not titled; they had no artists named; and they were not categorized. How could this happen?

Well, I did what any good and conscientious student would do – I called my teachers and asked them to help me! After I calmly and methodically explained the steps that had led to my predicament, all of them exploded into laughter!!!!! Through their laughter, they explained that I had to get out of the “Download” list and into the “Music” list before naming the tracks, artists, category, etc. THEN I could transfer everything into my own Playlist … an embarrassing “Ah-Ha” moment!

I reminded them that I had not laughed at them when they fell off of their bikes, spilled milk all over themselves, etc., so why did they laugh at me? Through their continued laughter, I thought that I heard words like, “You can tell that dad is over 30”, “Well, you always told us to follow instructions exactly as they were given and you did not follow your own advice”, and “Sorry dad, it’s just hilarious”!!

Oh sure, it’s hilarious all right! Apparently, it’s quite funny when the “Teacher” becomes the “Student” and, well, the student misses one important part of the lesson that he used to teach with gusto to his students!

But, it certainly cemented a reminder for all of us: Always listen to your teachers (as my kids have always listened to me - well, mostly!) and do exactly what they say! Leaving out a step in the process can lead to .... iPod frustration and laughter from your former and still-current students turned teachers!!!!!


Paul W. Reeves

BIG WORDS for Kids!!

Everybody says “Awwwwww” when they hear a child say such words as “mama” “dada”, “lookee”, “potty”, etc. Yes, while it is certainly cute to hear a little voice say those words, have you ever heard a little child speak with proper grammar, more adult-like English, and proper language inflections? When you hear a child speak like that, the “Awwwwww” becomes “WOW”!!!

Shortly before our first child was born, we decided that all of our upcoming kids would learn to speak properly from the beginning and that we would not allow “baby-like” and “cute” substitutes for words that they would have to discard later upon entering elementary school. After all, what is the point of teaching words that can never be used again after a few years? Why not teach the words that kids will actually use when they get older – all the way into adulthood?

So, when my daughter was born, we continually used “grown-up” language around her. We encouraged her to learn to speak properly when addressing others.

After she became quite conversant with everybody (she could hold complete conversations with adults without utilizing “baby-talk”), I decided that it was time to exponentially expand her vocabulary. Note to wives: This is one lesson as to why you should never leave your husbands alone with the kids!!!!!

At any rate, one day when my daughter and I were alone, I started using BIG WORDS to describe various aspects of life around the house. Of course, she asked me for the meaning of the words, we practiced them, and she began to properly use them in sentences.

One of the first words that we used was “Plethora” (Definition: An excessive amount or number; an abundance). I started talking about the plethora of newspapers in the rack, the plethora of leaves on the trees in the backyard, the plethora of ice cubes that were in the freezer, etc.

My daughter, never one to miss a chance to expand her vocabulary (she was a ham from the beginning!), started going around the house pointing out where a plethora of something either did or did not exist. For example, she said, “There is a plethora of ties in your closet, dad” or “There is not a plethora of trash in the garage”. Very early in the lesson on the word, she had clearly gained an understanding of the use of the word “Plethora”.

These types of informal conversations/lessons continued on an almost daily basis. Again, when speaking to adults, our 18-month-old sounded like she fit right in with her complete sentences, proper grammar, proper use of the language, and, yes, using BIG WORDS that somebody-who-shall-remain-nameless had taught to her!

One day, while attending an extended-family birthday party in the presence of nearly 20 adults, my daughter loudly and gleefully announced, “There is a plethora of birthday gifts on the table”.

Before that moment, I never believed that it was possible for an entire room of adult conversations to instantly come to a close; have all heads turn in one person’s direction; and then have a few folks say things such as, “WOW, did you hear that?”, “She just said, ‘There is a plethora of birthday gifts on the table’”, and “Where did she learn that word?”.

Then somebody, not quite believing what he had just heard, asked my daughter, “What does that word mean”. My daughter, the ham, proudly announced, “It means an overwhelming amount”. The silent room became even more silent!! My daughter beamed from ear-to-ear at her obviously impressive performance and, of course, it encouraged her to learn tons more BIG WORDS in the future.

Today, she and my two sons regularly engage in chatter that is filled with BIG WORDS, proper grammar, and proper use of the English language, as they converse with their friends, teachers, and family members.

Yes, teaching toddlers BIG WORDS might seem to be a little bit pompous. However, it instilled in my kids the notion that words do matter and, when they speak properly with some BIG WORDS, people listen more carefully and with greater attentiveness, as the more intelligent conversation level opens more doors with more people.

Now, can my kids still converse like kids? Oh, yes, they can! How about this for a sample, “Yeah, I know dude, that is really cool, I mean like, you know, it is awesome”. Yes, those types of sentences make dads cringe, but at least they’ve learned to fit in with their peers when they see it as a necessity!

So, yes, teach your kids the BIG WORDS, proper English, proper grammar, don’t accept anything less, and they’ll grow up to be smart, but they’ll still talk like a kid when the need arises!!

Have a remarkably stupendous, phenomenal, overwhelming, breathtaking, and colossal time with your kids!! And, oh yes, be sure to spend a plethora of time with them!!


Paul W. Reeves

Is The Light Green?

One of the great joys of my life was picking up my kids after work! No matter what happened during the day, good and bad, everything was quickly forgotten when I saw my kids’ faces!!

When my daughter was about 18 months old (our only child at that time), I would often play the following game with her: When I stopped at a red traffic light, I would tell her that I was going to grab a quick nap and that I wanted her to pay close attention to the red light and let me know when it turned green.

Of course, I wasn’t really sleeping. Rather, it was my way of teaching her about traffic lights and responsibility. After all, if she didn’t tell me when the light turned green, it’s possible that I would continue to “sleep” and not drive home!!

So, without fail, I would pretend to sleep, with my left eye partially opened to see the light, while she stared intensively at the red light waiting for it to turn green. And, also without fail, she quickly alerted me to the fact that the light had turned green. As a part of the slapstick routine, I quickly acted as though I had been instantly awakened from a very deep sleep! I always began to drive while profusely thanking her for all of her help, thereby reaffirming her alertness, sense of responsibility, and her ability to read the lights!

This little routine carried on for several months. One time, however, the light turned green and she did not tell me!!!! Well, since I was looking at the light with my partially opened left eye, I pretended to wake up at that exact moment and I said something to the effect that the light had turned green. With that little announcement, I began to drive home.

I asked her why she had not alerted me to the green light. She told me that she was just about to tell me that it had turned green, but that I had awakened before she had been able to do so. She had a confirming and knowing smirk on her face!! O.K., was she really about to tell me or was it a sign that she was on to the game? Hmmmmmm!!

The next day, after picking her up and making the drive home, we stopped at a red light. Almost upon cue, I told her that I was going to take a nap and that she needed to let me know when the light turned green. I partially kept my left eye opened to see the light and I partially kept my right eye opened to see her!! Guess what I saw???????? A cute little 23-month-old girl STARING AT ME – NOT THE LIGHT!!!!!!!

Yes, she had caught on to my little scam. Her dad had never been sleeping at the light – he had been tricking his favorite daughter the whole time!! Of course, to keep the scam alive as long as possible, I kept pretending to sleep each time over the next few months. Each time, I noted that she was staring at me and not the light. I would always have to instantly “awaken” when the light turned green and then continue driving!!! Before the age of 2-years-old, she had managed to take control of the scam!!

At some point, probably when she was about 30 months old, I finally asked her why she was always staring at me and not the light. She asked me how I knew that she was staring at me when I was sleeping!! Yikes!! I had to confess that I had never actually been sleeping at the red lights. Rather, I was just training her to watch for the lights and to learn how to help others.

She then confessed that she had known that all along. She further told me that it had not made any sense that her dad would engage in such a dangerous practice on the road. So, early on, she began to check me out and she discovered that I had not actually been sleeping. But, trying to be a dutiful daughter, she decided to continue the game as along as I was willing to play it!!

So, are your kids watching you? Oh yes, they are watching you all of the time!! Do your kids know when you’re scamming them? Oh yes, they do!!

Lesson learned? – Always be honest with your kids, behave in a responsible manner in which they can always be proud, and, oh yes, play the occasional scam game with them, as it will let them know that you’re capable of having fun while trying to teach them lessons that they will learn and keep forever!!

Also, the occasional fun scam game allows for great conversation in later years with your kids! And, yes, I just know that my daughter is going to play this same scam game with her kids someday!!!!!


Paul W. Reeves

Jennifer's Story (2)

(Continued from August 1, 2009) ........ As I continued to question Jennifer, I learned that her dad was frequently out of town on business and her mother, whom she loved very much, was often gone attending community functions. As a result, Jennifer was often alone in her house. Since she could not have friends over when her parents were gone and since she was not allowed to use the telephone during the same periods (after all, her dad might call in at any moment – fortunately, he did regularly check-in with the family!), she turned to other sources of pleasure.

Yes, she turned to the world of inhalants, particularly spray paint and hair spray. Again, her acting out in class was a call for attention, not only for direct and loving attention and interaction, but a call for help to deliver her from the inhalants.

We managed to get Jennifer away from the inhalants, her mother began to stay home more, and her dad got a new job that kept him home on most nights. Interestingly, Jennifer’s “hilarious” behavior became calmer. She was happier, but not as funny to the rest of the world. Yes, a less funny/non-inhalant Jennifer was better than her former self! And, oh yes, the teachers stopped worrying when their backs were turned to the blackboards!

I suppose that we lost a future stand-up comedian, but we gained an intelligent young lady who is now destined to be successful in her life!!

As I have often said, they are your kids. As such, please, please, PLEASE do not allow them to grow up alone without your direct and daily guidance and influence. Their "stimulants" should be YOU and not other sources, i.e., drugs, inhalants, alcohol, and other vices that will serve to bring about colossal damage.

Yes, life can be really busy and important, but nothing is more important than you children! Spend the necessary time with them and help to guide them into (and sometimes through) adulthood!

Hang in there and continue your great work with your kids!!


Paul W. Reeves

Jennifer's Story (1)

Jennifer was one of the funniest middle school kids that I had ever met. She had a quick wit with kids and adults. In fact, her sense of humor was more in line with adults than with other kids. For a brief period, I truly believed that she was going to grow up to be a stand-up comedian. She seemed to have all of the tools!

However, she also seemed to engage in somewhat daring behaviors that concerned all of her teachers and me. For laughs, Jennifer was the student who would sneak out of a teacher’s room to get a drink of water and then sneak back in without getting caught. Jennifer was also the student who would shoot a rubber band at the chalkboard, narrowly missing the teacher each time. She was also the student who let a mouse loose in the middle of a math exam. Jennifer regularly engaged in several of these daring behaviors, all of which seemed to be on the edge of danger!

None of her teachers ever suspected that Jennifer was the culprit. After all, she was so darned funny with a quick wit and fun-loving personality, that she was never considered to be a suspect in any shenanigans …….. until one day when I walked into her English class just in time to see her throw a marble at a teacher’s file cabinet while the teacher’s back was turned. The noise, of course, stunned the teacher. The other kids in the class, as I would later discover, were used to this “hilarious” behavior from Jennifer.

Although I was on my way to a meeting, I called Jennifer to the hallway. I began by chastising her for throwing the marble at the teacher’s file cabinet. I then continued to admonish her, as I told her that I had expected more from her. I told her that I could not believe that one of the best students in the school had just thrown a marble in the classroom and that, as her Principal, I was horrified that she could commit such a grievous act. Well, within seconds, Jennifer began to cry. At first I thought that she was crying because she, a perfect student in most eyes, had committed an act that would probably get her suspended from school. However, after she and I went to my office, she began to unload the true reasons for her crying.

Jennifer then shared all of her less-than-perfect acts over the past several months, including regularly throwing items in class, sneaking out of classes, and letting mice loose in classes! Jennifer told me that she was extremely unhappy, but she did not know why. This girl, who was the funniest kid in the school, who would made adults laugh and then repeat her hilarious stories in the teachers' lounge, who seemed to have more friends than any 10 kids put together, was miserable inside. Her acts were her subconscious way of screaming for help!

Come back next week for the conclusion. Thank you!


Paul W. Reeves

Depression-Causes(2)

(Continued from July 18, 2009) ....... Continuing with last week's article - based upon the research by Dr. Kathie F. Nunley:

"There is a negative correlation between depression and athletic participation. Although adolescents that participate in athletics do not show a decrease in drug use, they do exhibit significantly less depression and suicidal tendencies (Oler, 1994)."

Yes, it is true, the best-adjusted kids are those who stay occupied, believe that their activities have purpose, engage in the activities of their choice, and feel as though they are part of a larger cause, such as an athletic team. Band, choir, debate, chess club, reading club, etc. also serve the same purpose.

"Another factor associated with adolescent depression and negative behaviors is difficulty in establishing autonomy in the adolescent's relationship with parents. Adolescent depression is seen in higher frequency in families where the children have difficulty establishing their own identity because of negative communication patterns and other dysfunctional family attributes (Allen, et. al., 1994)." In other words, if the parents are psychologically messed up and have refused treatment or assistance, the kids are more likely to be messed up, as well.

One topic that permeates the research on depression is the concept of self- esteem. There has been a long standing correlation between low self-esteem and depression. The views on self-esteem are changing more rapidly than even the views on depression. The traditional thinking with self-esteem was if one could improve the way an individual perceived himself or herself, then the secondary behaviors that accompany low self-esteem would disappear (New model, 1995). This traditional philosophy is taking a new direction."

Ah yes, if we feel good about ourselves, as well as our relationships and contributions to society, depression is lessened!

So, the secrets are as follows:

a) Pay attention to your kids and let them know that you care

b) Have an after-school/evening/weekend caregiver who cares about their development as a human being (mom, dad, grandparents, good family friend, etc.) and stay away from latch-key programs on a full-time basis

c) Find your child's interests and get him/her involved with programs that are tied to those interests (Music, Sports, Academics, etc.) and allow your children to have the time to excel and be involved with those interests

d) Get help for parents (yourself or your spouse) if one or both suffer from Depression

e) Set-up an appointment with a therapist for your child if genetic Depression exists in your family.

Kids were born to be loved and taken care of by their parents, not by the rest of the world. I know that it can be trying and I know that time and money can be short, but, believe me, after having seen hundreds of cases in which parents did not follow the 5 aforementioned steps, the dividends that you will receive from spending time with your kids (such as getting them involved in activities and addressing Depression - especially when it is along genetic lines) will far outweigh any financial gain that you will receive in your lifetime!

Hang in there and love your kids with everything that you have!!


Paul W. Reeves