Father's Day - Part 2

(Continued from June 19, 2010) ........

15) The dad, a long-time computer guy long before computers found their way in to homes, told the son to get a computer, because he would need it for everything in life within a few yeas. The son reused. The dad then showed up at the son’s work one day with a huge computer – paid for by the dad. The son used it for years before upgrading a few times – the dad was right!

16) The son, for many years questioning the wisdom of his father, later in life learned that the dad was far beyond his years in wisdom. Interestingly, the same scenario is unfolding with the son’s children many years later.

17) In the son’s neighborhood, ALL boys owned a BB gun. One day the son, an expert marksman in his own right (at least that's his story!), fired a shot at a garbage can – a normal occurrence. The dad was on the other side of the can and the shot scared the dad. The BB gun was instantly retired on that day!

18) In later life, after the dad was making a very good living, the dad told the son that there had been times during which the family had not been able to afford shoes for the two kids. Funny, the kids always had new shoes and everything else that they needed. The son never knew that funds were low when he was a little kid.

19) When the son bought a new front door for his own home, the dad asked the son how he would install it and he offered to help. The son declined the offer for help. On the next day, while the son was struggling with the directions, the dad showed up and installed the door. He just knew.

20) The son, watching his dad’s health get weaker with the job, watched his father’s face light up when he held the son’s baby daughter – moments that the son will never forget!

21) In the dad’s final summer, the dad and son bonded again while completing home projects together at the dad’s (and mom’s) house.

22) When funds were quite low (although the son did not know this), the dad took out a loan to purchase a brand new Buddy Rich drumset for his son – the exact drumset that the son had always wanted! 35 years later, the son still owns this drumset; it is still in perfect condition; and the son’s son uses it now, too. Oh, and the son used the drumset to put himself through college and make a few extra bucks for married life.


23) Played catch almost every single day after work during the son’s formative years - this gave the son needed confidence to excel at baseball.

24) Coached the son in bowling – the son later went on to win the highest average in the league award several times, mostly because the dad showed a great interest in his son’s weekly battle with the lanes.

25) The dad, knowing that he was going to die in the hospital, refused to tell the son that he was even ill, so that the son would not worry; so that the son would keep working and not take time off; and so that the son would not see his dad in a suddenly frail state. However, at the moment of death, the son, 25 miles away and not knowing that his dad was ill, knew that he had just lost a friend, a huge supporter, and his dad all at once.


O.K., with all of that unselfish fatherly love bestowed upon a son, you might think that the young man might become spoiled!! Well, ..... I don’t know ..... do you think that I’m spoiled????

That’s right! Those 25 items describe my own dad, but they only scratch the surface!

To the best father in the world – THANK YOU, DAD! I REALLY MISS YOU! If my kids someday consider me to be as great a parent as you – my life's mission will be completed. Thank you for the lessons on being a great parent!


Paul W. Reeves

Father's Day - Part 1

Well, tomorrow is Father’s Day, the day on which tons of neckties and books are liberally given to dads all over the land! So, what are 25 of the top one million things that a father can do for his son (the son who will someday be a dad)? Well, spread over the next two weeks, here they are:

1) Coached his son’s T-Ball team when the child was only 7-years-old and encouraged and coached him while the son went 33-34 at the plate, after following his dad’s advice to hit everything toward 3rd base, because nobody at that age could fire the ball to first base in time to get the kid out!

2) Managed his son’s baseball teams at age 8, 9, 11, 12, 13, and 14. Had to miss managing the 10-year-old season due to a work commitment in another state – a season that the father and son always regretted

3) Always expected more from his son in practice and games than he expected from the other boys. While the son felt somewhat pressured, he credits his dad’s driving him with his making the all-star team as the shortstop!

4) After the son continued to believe that the father was “too tough” on him in practice and in games, the dad agreed to step down as his son’s manager for the first time.

5) In one of his first games with somebody other than his father as the manager, the kid, now 15-years-old, pitched the 2nd no-hitter of his career. After the game, the son was barely able to get his father’s attention. The kid’s feelings were hurt. Later, after asking the dad for the reason behind the blow off, the kid learned that the dad had been near tears and would have broken down in front of everybody had the two spoken right after the game.


6) After refusing to get the kid another dog (the first two dogs had passed away within months of coming into the home), the father, after being away for 10 weeks and missing his son’s 10-year-old baseball season, allowed the son to get another dog – a magnificent collie who would become a buddy to the father and son.

7) After the magnificent collie passed away years later and after the son moved out and got married, the father got another collie.

8) After watching his son make two egregious mistakes in a basketball game in front of about a thousand people, the dad used the next morning to berate his child for his poor play and for embarrassing the family and the team. While the son thought that this treatment was harsh at the time, the son later realized that the ‘chewing out” had awakened him toward a quest for excellence in all that he did.

9) The dad wore a suit to work every single day – a trend that the son had decided to follow for his own career.

10) Although he had resisted purchasing a swimming pool for his children, the father eventually gave in; bought a pool; and the whole family used it as a gathering place for family fun for years.


11) Refused to let his son swim on game days until after the game, because the pros did not swim on game days.

12) Early on told the son that he would be going to college and he would earn at least one degree. There would be no discussing the matter. Nobody was more proud than the dad when the son walked across the stage to receive his B.A.

13) Demanded that the son perform regular tasks around the house, i.e., taking put the garbage, shoveling snow, etc. However, when the son started taking care of the lawn on days of 95 degrees, the dad told the son to slow down and not work so hard - apparently the dad believed that his years-long message had gotten through too well!

14) Even though the two had a breakdown in communication during the son’s final year of college, mostly due to the father’s stress at work, the dad later became a nightly visitor at the apartment of his son and new bride.


(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion of the Father's Day Top 25!)


Paul W. Reeves

No More Squirt Guns! Pt.3

(Continued from June 5, 2010).... Take care of it? TAKE CARE OF IT?!?!? Well, can you imagine the amount of oil, gasoline, fire, and a few boxes of matches that the dad envisioned Robert throwing on the dispute? This fine 8-year-old, known for starting disputes, was going to end one? That was not his normal pattern of behavior (or so the parents told me!).

The dad asked Robert to repeat what he had just said. Robert said, “Don’t worry, dad. Just go back in your room and get dressed. I’ll take care of this”. With that, Robert continued down his path to the exploding bathroom. OH NO! Nothing about this sounded or looked good, as the loud arguing was still continuing between Kathy and Bill!

The dad told Robert to walk back to him. Robert, upon retreating to the dad, seemed to be holding his left arm (the arm away from the dad) in an awkward manner. The dad asked Robert what was wrong with his arm. Robert then revealed that he been carrying A FULLY LOADED RIFLE-STYLE SQUIRT GUN DOWN BY HIS SIDE, you know, the kind of toy that is JUST PERFECT for solving disputes as two people are fixing their hair before school!


Yes, ol’ Robert had planned to enter the bathroom, hose off his younger brother and older sister just moments before they had to leave the house for school and as they were fixing their hair, and CALM THEM DOWN?!?!?

Ah, yes, Robert must have concluded, a couple of gallons of gasoline should put out that fire! And, if it exploded into a larger fire? Well, 8-year-old Robert was counting on it for his enhanced morning entertainment!

While one can certainly give Robert credit for quickly designing a scheme that would produce his desired results in large quantities, one certainly had to question the overall wisdom of the plan. As you might have guessed, yes, his delay into the fray was caused by him having to go to the garage, get a squirt gun (the LARGE one, of course!), fill it with water, and scoot upstairs, all while trying to sneak past the parents! Ah yes, a carefully crafted plan that almost worked to perfection!

But, alas, the parents, who had previously purchased that squirt gun (and other squirt guns, as well) for use at the beach and in the backyard, quickly decided that perhaps their purchases were not the smartest transactions that they had ever made.

Before going to work, the dad confiscated Robert’s AK-47 (or at least it seemed like one!), as well as all of the squirt guns from the garage, and hid them in a place where no one could find them. In the future, they were only brought out for use at the beach and in the backyard upon mutual agreement by all parties. After each use, the dad locked them way.

Robert? Well, he eventually cooled off on his love of controversy involving other people and actually got along quite well with his older sister (in fact, he later came to rely on her for just about everything at school) and his younger brother (to this day, they continue to make music together and try to solve all of the world’s political issues!). As far as Kathy and Bill, they have never had another similar argument since that one exciting morning!

But, had Robert been successful with his method of “stopping” the dispute between Kathy and Bill with an early morning splash, it is possible that the resulting yelling matches would still be heard around the world today!

Yes, "NO MORE SQUIRT GUNS" quickly became the mantra and we, uh, I mean the parents, could not be happier!

So, how about you? Any near-disasters that turned out to be quite humorous? Let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

No More Squirt Guns! Pt.2

(Continued from May 29, 2010) ...... Now, again, Kathy and Bill always found quick and easy solutions to any grievances that might have occurred between them, with each attempting to please the other. Robert, of course, took pleasure in having his siblings air their grievances with him all over the house!

So, whatever occurred in front of that mirror on that beautiful school morning, Kathy and Bill exploded into a shouting match aimed at each other! Their parents, getting themselves ready for work in another room, stopped and looked at each other and just listened in shock, as "water and water" verbally and loudly lashed out at each other. One would have never thought that the day of Kathy and Bill arguing over anything, much less engaging in blood curdling screams on an otherwise normal and almost perfect school morning in the home, would ever occur!

The parents shook their heads and chuckled a bit, as the idea of their two kids (previously joined at the hip and only 5 and 11 years old) arguing like the world might end actually seemed a bit cute to them .... at first!

However, the arguing did not stop as soon as it should have for the parents’ pleasure. They jointly decided that it was time to investigate the dispute, have them shake hands or hug, and get over it, even though it was the first mutual dispute of their lives!

Just as the dad was leaving his room to walk down the hallway to the bathroom, Robert was briskly walking up the stairs, hurried past the dad, and announced that he was going to take care of the situation! Actually, the parents were a little surprised that Robert had taken this long to join in the fray. This seemed like the type of scenario for which Robert lived – disputes, arguments, somebody other than him ticked off …. Ah, the perfect scenario made for Robert!

(Please come back next Saturday for the 3rd and final part).


Paul W. Reeves

Dad/Son Learn Together - Pt. 4

(Continued from April 10, 17, and 24, 2010) ..... Well, from that moment on, even though he had never missed one of my events in the past, after missing only one concert, my dad NEVER missed another event! His renewed level of dedication and commitment kept going throughout the rest of middle school, all of high school, and even all of my college performances.

Because of the nature of college, it is not unusual for many students to not have parents in the crowd. But, without fail, my mom AND dad attended every single performance, to the point that it was noticed by other students. Although it was a tad embarrassing at times, I would not have traded it for anything!

Oh, and after I became a Band Director, guess who never missed one of my concerts? That’s right, for every one of my performances through my dad’s passing away when I was 30-years-old, my mom AND dad could be found in the audience, sometimes traveling as far as 100 miles to watch their son’s performances.

I was lucky ….. clearly, dad my understood my level of devastation at him missing my concert when I was 14-years-old and he set out on a mission to ensure that it never happened again!

I have always believed that the crucial moment at my band concert when I was 14-years-old, on a May Sunday afternoon, temperature around 78 degrees, a perfectly manicured baseball field calling for players to come and play, and my dad talking to another dad instead of watching my concert, helped to shape my views on parenting, my dedication to attending all of my kids’ performances, and my feeling of need to encourage other parents to ALWAYS attend their own kids’ performances

Yes, the knowledge that I would be attending all of my own kids’ performances began on that Sunday long ago, a day on which my own dad and I learned a very valuable parenting lesson together, one that neither one of us ever failed to remember for future endeavors!

Oh, and guess who traveled about 150 miles (round trip) the other night to watch his own child in a drama performance at his own high school? Yes, there was my child’s dad, front and center, not missing it for the world ..... or for talking to another dad about baseball!

I have said it often and I will say it again: Be sure to ALWAYS attend your child’s performances and events. It means the world to them and, by you attending and showing your love for them, they will be less inclined to search for love and security in all of the wrong places.

Keep loving your kids and be there for them at all times. You, and your kids, will be glad that you did!


Paul W. Reeves

Dad/Son Learn Together - Pt. 3

(Continued from April 10 and 17, 2010) ..... However, as the downbeat for the first piece came closer to being a reality, my dad was still not in the auditorium. I knew that he was somewhere in the school, as he had driven me to the event. But, I could not find him in the audience.

We played the first piece and no dad. We played the second piece and no dad. We played the third piece, my solo, and still no dad. The fourth and fifth pieces came and went and still no dad.

You have never seen a 14-year-old so crushed as I was at that moment. I did not care at all about the performance that had been given; I didn’t care about the solo that I had flawlessly executed; I didn’t even care that my mom was front and center for the whole performance (although I was certainly grateful!) …… I could only think about the fact that my dad had disappeared and had missed the entire concert, a feeling that I had never experienced, but later in life learned that kids feel this way every single day.

As soon as I was able to do so, I went to my mom and asked for the whereabouts of my dad. She looked disappointed, but said that she did not know. How could this be? They came to the concert together; they headed to the auditorium together; and yet she did not know where he was???

She told me to check outside near the baseball field, the same field on which he had managed my games and the same field on which the season would soon be starting.

While other bands were playing, I went outside to the baseball field and, much to my surprise, there was my dad talking to another dad. Again, how could this be? How could my dad have missed my whole concert just to talk to another dad by the baseball field???

I went up to my dad and the other dad. My dad asked, “So, is the concert over?” I told him that, yes, it had ended. I then asked him why he missed it. He told me that he and the other dad were discussing the upcoming baseball season. Being raised to be a polite young man, I excused myself and went back in to the school to hear the other bands.

Again, the feeling of helplessness and non-support from a parent was devastating, especially with the answer that he had given to me ..... he was talking to anther dad about baseball instead of watching my concert? It was an awful feeling, one that I hoped that I would never have to again experience.

Later that night, I asked my mom as to how my dad could have done that? She said that she did not know. But she suggested that I should tell my dad about my feelings and to tell him that I was sad that he missed the concert. (In later life, I learned that my parents had already discussed the issue, with my mom expressing her disdain and shock and my dad expressing that he did not believe that I was upset).

So, I approached my dad and again asked him why he missed my concert. He responded by saying that he had already told me that he had been discussing baseball with the other dad. I said something about wishing that he could have at least seen my solo. He then said, and I remember the exact words today, “Look, is it really important that I sit in the audience for your concerts? Because, if it is, I’ll never miss another one.”

I told him that, yes, it was important for me to have him in the audience. He reaffirmed that he would never miss another one. And, he stuck to his word – in a BIG WAY!

(NOTE: In total honesty, I truly believe that my dad did not understand the level of devastation that I would feel if he missed the concert, a misunderstanding that I later found many parents have. Trust me, from the writing of a former 14-year-old, and from the mouths of a host of adolescents, the feeling of devastation when your parents do not attend an event is quite powerful!!)

(Please come back next Saturday for the 4th and final part)


Paul W. Reeves

Dad/Son Learn Together - Pt. 2

(Continued from April 10, 2010) ..... So, how did I learn that your kids NEED to have you at their events? Well, believe it or not, I learned from a first-hand experience with my own dad, who once blew me off at one of my important events ..... but then made sure that he never repeated the act. Here are the details:

I had spent all of my childhood involved in a variety of activities, mostly baseball, bowling, basketball, and music. In addition, there were the usual scouting activities, school plays, meetings, etc., that kids always have in their lives.

My parents ALWAYS attended ALL of my events. While some kids had their parents dump them off and return to pick them up, my parents always drove me to the event, stayed for the whole event, and patiently waited for me to drive me home. Yes, I was lucky to be loved and supported by both of my parents.

Of course, there were some events that were missed, mostly by my dad, as he could not get off of work in time for 3:30 p.m. basketball games and, on the rare occasions that he had to be out of town, he would have to miss other events, too. One baseball season, he had to miss every single game, except for one, as he was stationed about 400 miles away for about 10 weeks, although he was able to come home for one weekend and, yes, he was able to see my game!

That was a tough season for me and, as I later learned, it was tough for him, too. But, my mom made sure that she was at every single event. Yes, again, I was lucky to be loved and supported by my parents!


I should also point out that my parents were often the ringleaders of many of my events. While I engaged in music, basketball, and bowling on my own with other instructors, my dad always managed my baseball teams and my mom was a scout leader! (More about benefits of leading your child’s activities in a future blog).

HOWEVER, the moment of the GREAT LEARNING ACT, occurred when I was 14-years-old, a moment that helped to form an important part of my parenting views that still hold true today – over 35 years later! This one act also helped me to form my views that I have passed along to others about the need to attend the events of their children.

My middle school band was planning to hold its annual spring concert on a Sunday afternoon at 3:00 p.m. I had a small solo and I was excited to be able to perform it for my parents. Of course, when playing percussion, wherein there is only one player per instrument, one could argue that everything was a solo for me, as I was the only player on an instrument at a given moment!

Well, the big day came and, as usual, my parents and I went to the car and drove to the concert. We walked in together, with my parents heading for the auditorium as I headed to the band room for the pre-concert warm-up. As always, I was exited to be able to perform for my parents, as I knew that they supported me and this was a manner in which I could give back. Ah yes, while I truly believed that life could not get any better, I had no idea that it was about to get substantially worse.

I proudly walked on stage with the band, got ready for the first piece of music to be performed, looked up at the audience to find my parents, and there was my mom, front and center in her usual place! I looked next to her for my dad and ..... he was not there. Oh well, I figured that he had probably run to the restroom or something.

(Please come back next Saturday for Part 3)


Paul W. Reeves

Dad/Son Learn Together - Pt.1

There are certain moments in your life when ideas, acts, words, etc., are cemented in your brain forever. When you look back on life, there are memorable moments that occurred which served to change your way of thinking about, and responding to, life.

On those occasions, I can remember exactly where I was, the approximate temperature of the moment, the people who were there, and, well, just about everything that helped to imprint the moment in my brain.

I have long been an advocate of ALWAYS attending ALL of your child’s events, whether it’s sports, dance, parent-teacher conferences, Boy Scouts, etc. Sometimes your kids will beg you to be there and other times they will beg you to stay away.

However, irrespective of the spoken words of your children, trust me, THEY WANT YOU TO BE THERE!! The parents who attend the events of their children are the families that most likely have the most well adjusted children, as the kids gain confidence and trust that is needed to succeed in life. Your attendance helps to provide the secure feeling that they need to have to know that they are loved.

Too often, I have seen kids show up at events on their own with no parents before, during, or after the events. The most notable issue in my life was when I managed one of my son’s baseball teams. Practice after practice and game after game, one of the boys rode his bike to the event and, as parents and kids were walking to cars after practices and games, there he was riding his bike home ..... all by himself. How sad!

It was one of saddest displays that I had ever seen. This young man had absolutely zero visible support from his parents. They did not even care enough to show up even once. Despite the efforts of many, this young man eventually grew up to turn to drugs and alcohol, flunked out of community college, and is currently wandering the country, ON HIS OWN, searching for love and answers to life. Perhaps, if his parents had shown an interest in their child by attending his events, he might have grown up to understand that he is loved and supported.

With only a few exceptions, the kids who are loved and supported by their parents are the kids who grow up to be successful in life. The kids who are blown off by their parents are the kids who are most likely to turn to other sources of support, including drugs, alcohol, nefarious friends, gangs, etc.

(Please come back next Saturday for Part 2)


Paul W. Reeves

Hey, That's Mine! - Part 2

(Continued from March 27, 2010) ...... With all of the confidence of an experienced Assistant Principal who had made inroads with this family, I called Bill’s dad to give him the bad news. A few words into my explanation of Bill’s upcoming suspension from school, Bill’s father went nuts on the phone, yelling and using a host of profane words that would have made most people blush.

I let Bill’s dad carry on for a few minutes before he calmed down. I again began to explain the situation when he interrupted me by saying, “I knew that some of my marijuana was missing. He stole my stuff”.

Well, that’s just great. We’re trying to keep Bill on the high road and his dad was apparently keeping marijuana in the house – stored in a locale that was obviously known to Bill.

While that was one of the saddest telephone calls that I have had to endure in my career, it is worth noting that Bill and his dad entered counseling, at the urging of our professional staff and, after a few years, they began to have some father-son fun together!

So, while the story eventually had a reasonably happy ending, I could never stop thinking about what would have happened with Bill’s life if a) his dad had sought counseling years before, or b) if our professional staff had not intervened. It took Bill and his dad a few years, but they got the father-son job done!

Remember, the best form of parenting is the loving approach that begins in the womb and consistently carries through entire lives. But, if life deals a significant blow, there is always time to get it together at a future point. It’s never too late!

So, how about you? Have you, or has somebody in your lifetime, thrown away good years, only to rescue all at a later age? It happens all of the time. Never give up because it is never too late!

As I am fond of saying, nobody ever said that parenting was easy! Hang in there, love your kids, and spend time with them – before they get your attention by stealing your goods!


Paul W. Reeves

Hey, That's Mine! - Part 1

During my years as an Assistant Principal, in addition to running the day-to-day operation of the school, it was my job to encourage students to always be on their best behavior. Of course, being adolescents in this world, there were often issues that were brought to my office.

I suppose that I dealt with everything, including a broken pencil, missing homework, insubordination, fighting. theft, truancy, and sadly, the more nefarious acts of drug abuse and drug selling.

I had been working closely with a student named Bill. Bill always seemed depressed, withdrawn, always loitering with the wrong crowd, and seemingly always about to do something that he should not do.

As you might have guessed, Bill was always in trouble and he became a frequent visitor to my office. After I got to know him a little better, Bill shared with me that his mother had left the family several years ago and that his dad was mean. In short, he believed that nobody cared for him.

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts to keep Bill on the straight and narrow path, he would sometimes engage in behavior that would get him sent home. Every time that I called his dad, I was met with a verbal barrage of profanity and complaints about Bill. It was obvious to me that Bill’s dad was just as angry and depressed as Bill.

Over time, and after way too many phone calls home, I believed that I was making some headway with Bill’s dad. He began to soften a little bit and he began to share some of his struggles with me. He loved Bill, but he was still angry with his wife for leaving and he was always concerned about money.

Based upon his consistent behavior, I sensed that Bill’s dad had long ago turned to drugs or alcohol for solace. I believed that he had become more withdrawn from life and from Bill, thereby providing some of the roots for Bill’s feelings.

Despite many hours that I had spent with Bill and his father, one day I learned that Bill was in possession of marijuana. The soft part of me wanted to look the other way, thereby sparing Bill from a suspension and possible verbal abuse from his dad and I wanted to spare his dad from further bad news.

However, the responsible part of me took over and I launched an investigation. Sure enough, Bill had the goods and I had to haul him to the office. When I asked Bill why he would ever be in possession of marijuana, he told me that he was mad at his dad for ignoring him and this was his way of getting attention from his dad. He also shared his concern over the impending verbal abuse and possible physical abuse.

Primed to call the Police and Protective Services, I assured Bill that I would speak to his father and that everything would be O.K. I told Bill that if his dad made any threats, I would call the proper authorities.


(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion).


Paul W. Reeves

Dad? The Marquis? (Pt.2)

(Continued from March 13, 2010) ...... Fast-forwarding five years from the year that I sold Marquis #1, our middle child was now 18-years-old. He was driving a 12-year-old Ford Taurus and he loved that car. He was always finding excuses to run errands for us, just so that he could drive “his” Taurus.

Well, the end of the line finally came for my son’s Taurus. So, we decided to give him our daughter’s 8-year-old Taurus and she would take over my Impala. I then went out and purchased a ….. YES, another Mercury Grand Marquis!!

When I arrived home with Mercury Grand Marquis #2, all three kids expressed disgust, disdain, and mortification for the car. They simply could not believe that I had actually purchased a second Marquis …… or at least that’s what they said.

To add a little humor and to live up to my reputation as a great teaser, I told my 18-year-old that he would be driving the Marquis and that I would take the Taurus. Needless to say, he expressed that he could not possibly drive the Marquis; his friends would make fun of him; and he would be cast aside by all acquaintances. He begged me to let him keep the Taurus. I reiterated that the Marquis was his to drive. He left the room in total disgust wondering aloud how he would ever be able to live this down with his buddies.

The next day, he came downstairs and asked me for the keys for the Marquis, as he needed to get to the store. I told him that I had been kidding and that I would be driving the Marquis. He would keep the Taurus.


I expected jubilation, happiness, and maybe even a hug. But, what did I get instead? My 18-year-old son told me that he WANTED the Marquis, because, after he thought it over, he realized that it really is a cool car! I reiterated that I had been kidding. He then reiterated that he was serious and that he truly wanted the Marquis.

I asked why he wanted the Marquis, since he had called it a GRANDPA CAR since age 11, if not before. He said that, since I had driven Marquis #1 for a long time, it must have been a great car and that the moniker of GRANDPA CAR certainly did not fit me. In essence, he said that he wanted to drive the car that his dad believed to be cool! He was willing to set his friends straight, as well! Ah yes, maturity was prevailing!

YES! Even though he viewed it as a GRANDPA CAR, he still wanted to drive it, as he realized that his dad believed that it was a good car.

Sometimes, even when you think that you have failed to convince your kids of something, you suddenly learn that you had convinced them long ago and that their resistance to your idea was simply to go with the crowd.

Yes, it’s nice to know that DAD’S opinion had won out over the friends’ opinions and impending jeers!

How about you? Have your kids refused to believe that you were correct on an issue, only to come back later and admit that you were right? If so, let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

Dad? The Marquis? (Pt.1)

Ah, there is something special about a Mercury Grand Marquis for me! I don’t know if it’s the feel, the easy access to controls, the comfortable ride, or the fact that my grandfather had a similar car when I was a little tyke. However, without question, the Mercury Grand Marquis is my favorite car to drive!

Even though I’ve had the pleasure to drive other terrific cars, such as a Ford Mustang (2), Honda Civic, Ford Aerostar, Ford Windstar, Chevy Venture, Ford Grand Torino, Mercury Villager, and a Chevy Impala, it always comes back to the Mercury Grand Marquis for me!

As for my kids’ impression of a Mercury Grand Marquis? The called it a GRANDPA CAR!! How could they denigrate my favorite car?

Back when our kids were 8, 11, and 14, I came home with the first Grand Marquis. My kids were appalled. They could not believe that their dad had suddenly become a driver of a GRANDPA CAR! As this issue had never been discussed in our home, I was surprised at their reaction. I just knew that a ride in dad’s new Marquis would convince them for life.

So, we piled in, I pointed out all of the advantages, including the extra room, the back seat emptying into the trunk, the cup holders, the great sound system, the comfort, etc. However, it was to no avail, as my kids were not convinced. In fact, they were even more convinced that their dad had instantly become an old guy!


While our daughter, age 14, eventually accepted the fact that dad really liked the car, our sons, ages 8 and 11, actually verbally requested that I bring another car when I needed to pick them up from an event. They actually feared that their friends would make fun of me (and them!) for driving a GRANDPA CAR!

Well, to say the least, I thoroughly enjoyed driving that car for all of the aforementioned reasons. Eventually, however, the miles began to rack up and I decided to sell it for a new Impala. As I was driving away with the Marquis for the final time, my kids must have sensed something, or perhaps they were feeling some guilt, but they offered to take some pictures with me in the car. They also took turns getting in the car for the final time to have some pictures taken of them!

For the next few years I drove that Impala every single day to work, church, errands, etc. It also became the main car by which I escorted my kids to and from events. They seemed to love that car and they agreed that the car more closely fit my personality and image (oh my children, how could you not understand the connection between Marquis and Me?!?!?).

(Come back next Saturday for the conclusion and learn how dad's opinions won out over the opinions of friends!).


Paul W. Reeves

No Cherries For You!

It is great when kids are raised in a loving home! They have a mom and dad who love them; their needs are taken care of; they have no concerns about the genesis of their next meal; they know that mom and dad will take care of them; and they know that mom and dad will let them do things that other kids could not do in their home.

However, the age of innocence always comes to an end, as the realization sets in that not everybody loves them the way that mom and dad do! Yes, sooner or later, all children find themselves in a situation that, if mom and dad were present, all would be taken care of for them. However, without mom and sad, they get the felling that their world is ending, which of course, can serve to elevate their views of mom and dad!!

At any rate, when our kids were 3, 6, and 9, they were playing in the backyard together. My wife and I were in the kitchen watching them through a window, admiring their ability to get along like three loving siblings. At some point we left the kitchen for a few minutes, but returned a little later.

Behind our home was a large field of manicured grass that belonged to an upper-level condo association. The only thing that separated our property from theirs was a group of cherry trees. Between the trees and condos was about 200 yards of grass. Nobody from the condo association ever came near the cherry trees. It was a gorgeous view with seemingly complete privacy.

As a neighborhood bonus, our next door neighbor often gave our kids some cherries and sometimes he even took them back there to pick some cherries for themselves.

The moment that I returned to the kitchen and looked through the window, I saw all three of our kids walking quickly along the line of cherry trees, single file toward our house, and none looking very happy. They immediately came in the house with obvious looks of insecurity and concern. What could have possibly happened?

Our oldest child explained that they had decided to pick some cherries, just like they had on many occasions with our neighbor. Apparently, some “scary older lady” came out of her condo from 200 yards away and yelled at our children to get away from the cherry trees. All alone without the security of their parents, our kids quickly scrammed back to the safe zone of home!

Yes, our kids, facing adversity without their parents to protect them, quickly retreated to our home to find us! They could not believe that they had been summarily dismissed from the cherry trees; they could not believe that an adult had been so rude and “scary” to them; and they could not believe that they had faced different treatment than our neighbor had received.

It served as a great lesson on all levels, as it reminded them that the trees were not theirs for the picking, even if our neighbor DID pick cherries from the trees; it reminded them to NEVER wander away from mom and dad without letting us know of their anticipated destination; and it served to remind them that not everybody is going to love them like mom and dad!

We quickly made some hot dogs, added some French Fries and Coke, and celebrated the fact that our kids were safe; they were with people who loved them; and we discussed that we could go to the store later to get some cherries!

How about you? Have your kids ever learned life lessons the hard, but memorable, way? If so, let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

"Scuz Bucket" No More!

For many years, dating back to when I was a little tyke, I used the term “Scuz Bucket” to describe a person, including myself, who was in need of a bath or some clean clothes. After a day of playing baseball in the hot sun, I would come home and say, “Mom, I am a Scuz Bucket. I need a shower – fast!” After some grooming and some clean clothes, I would no longer be a Scuz Bucket!

In fact, the term “Scuz Bucket” was eventually picked up by my friends and other family members. As you might have guessed, when I would call a friend to see if he wanted to go somewhere with me, if the friend was in need of a shower, he would have said, “Sure, but right now I’m a Scuz Bucket”.

All of us would use it day in and day out to describe each other, ourselves, or others as the term needed to be applied. In short, “Scuz Bucket” became an integrated part of our vernacular, as much as did mom, dad, and apple pie!

So, it stood to reason that the term “Scuz Bucket” would continue to be a part of my regular speech when my children were born. Instead of saying, “Wow, you’re dirty and you need a bath”, I would say, “Wow, what a Scuz Bucket, let’s get you a bath”! Or, it was not unusual for one of my kids to say, “Wow, dad, I’ve been playing in the sun all day. I feel like a “Scuz Bucket’”.

In our family, the term “Scuz Bucket” was applied with love (yes, it is possible to do that!) and caring. It was never meant for the purpose of harm. I loved the term, our kids loved the term, and it was used throughout our home like, well, the terms of mom, dad, and apple pie!

The term “Scuz Bucket” would most likely never have been an issue, had it continued to be used solely in the home with family members or in interactions with friends.

HOWEVER, on one very hot and sunny Saturday afternoon, my kids and I stopped at a 7-11 store for some delicious Slurpees (check my post from September 19, 2009, to learn of the importance of Slurpees in our home!). Yes, on this hot day of 95 degrees with no breeze, a Slurpee would hit the spot and all would be well with the world.

After we had made our selections, we were waiting in line to pay when a tough-looking gentleman entered the store. He had the classic look of a guy who had been working ALL DAY in the hot sun. He was filthy, his white t-shirt was nearly black, his jeans were covered with dirt and mud, and his pants were ripped at the knees. Clearly, he had spent his day working in the yard, garden, planting trees, or digging ditches. Or, with his obvious physical strength, he could have spent the day lifting greasy cars over the fence for all that I knew!

I looked at the gentleman and I noted that he looked like he really needed a Slurpee or two. In fact, I was admiring the level of work in which he must have been engaged all day on a hot and sunny summer afternoon.

At the moment of my admiration, my oldest son (about 4 years old at the time) walked up to me with a sense of urgency as he said in a soft but urgent voice, “Dad, dad, that guy is a Scuz bucket”!!!! OUCH!

Fortunately, my son whispered his observation, so the tough-guy gentleman did not hear my son’s observation and my immediate health outlook was still looking pretty good! Of course, I told my son that we could not discuss it in the store and to wait until we got back to the car. He seemed perplexed and rightfully so. I had just told him to not speak about a term that we had liberally used in our home!

After we got to the car, I told all three kids that, although the term had been appropriately applied in the 7-11, from now on, the term “Scuz Bucket” could only be used in our house, as it might offend others!!

Yes, a quick lesson at the 7-11 for my kids ……… and their dad! It’s amazing how quickly that you can provide lessons for all when your life flashes in front of you with a tough-looking gentleman at a 7-11!

So, how about you? Have you ever had a family tradition, used in love and caring, that later rose to embarrass you in public? If so, let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

Stopping Bullies - Part 2

(Continued from February 13, 2010) .... While researching “Bullying Causes”, the team of Olweus, Limber, and Mihalec discovered the following:

Two types of victims:
1) Passive – does not stand for self, smaller in stature, insecure, dependent upon adults – always loses
2) Provocative – often labeled as a bully, annoys everybody – always loses.

They also discovered that Peer Mediation does not work with bullying as,
1) Peer mediation issues are negotiated by students and are based on litigants having equal power and seeking resolutions.
2) Bullies have greater power and do not seek resolution; Peer Mediation will actually unwillingly re-victimize victim.

What we certainly know about bullying in schools is that:
1) it exists almost every single day
2) it goes unnoticed by most adults in schools, as bullies do not bully others when adults are present
3) it often goes unreported, as victims are embarrassed
4) repeated bullying that goes unreported is what has led to anger, depression, suicidal thoughts and actions, lawsuits, and an environment in which some kids do not feel comfortable. In fact, due to excessive unreported bullying, some kids would rather be anywhere but school

Clearly, in order to stop bullying, the bullying must be reported. The bully will certainly not report his/her actions nor will the victim report the actions. However, after dealing with multiple issues of bullying, we have discovered that there is somebody who CAN report the bullying: THE THIRD PERSON.

Yes, there is always a third person (perhaps more) who witnesses bullying acts. Since the bully and victim will not report the bullying, it is up to the third-person to report it. The third-person must be given an avenue to report the bullying; must be assured that his/her identity will be protected; and must be assured that the school employees will quickly launch into gear to stop the bullying.

Yes, bullying is a major concern in schools today (it’s gone way beyond some thug stealing my “Twinkies” at lunch). But, it can be effectively stopped by having the third-person report it and having the school officials step in and deal with it under the confines of school policy.

After all, bullies prefer to operate in a cloud of secrecy and without fear or retribution. If bullies are no longer allowed to bully without consequence, they will cease to bully. And, with the best-case scenario, not only will the victims be freed of bullying, but perhaps the bullies, as they also suffer from self-esteem issues, will seek out those who can help them.

But, remember, it all starts with reporting the bullying to the proper authorities. Do not remain silent! Hang in there!

Paul W. Reeves

Stopping Bullies - Part 1

About 150 years ago when I was an elementary student, bullying was prevalent from Kindergarten through 12th grade. The extent of bullying was making fun of other students and sometimes getting physically abusive. The bullying (we didn’t use that term then) was reported to a teacher or the Principal and the victimizer was given a paddling, his/her parents were called, and he/she probably received another paddling at home. But, …. those were the “good ol’ days”! Quick bullying, quick reporting, quick consequences, bullying ended from that person!

Over the years, bullying has taken on a whole new meaning with a host of increased of activities that have left scores of students feeling less-than-whole, belittled, angry, depressed, and even suicidal. Some will say that the elimination of corporal punishment in the school, as well as the elimination of spanking in the home, has, in large part, led to a decrease in fear in those who bully.

As angry and depressed as victims of bullying can be, those who bully suffer from just as much, if not more, of the same symptoms. Their bullying is what helps them to achieve some level of self-esteem, as they believe that they are temporarily a little better than their victims.

While there is certainly a variety of factors that have led to increased bullying, schools have been forced to confront the bullying head-on, so that schools can remain as safe and productive learning centers.

In reading the manual entitled, “No-bullying Program: Preventing Bullying at School”, by James Bitney and Beverly B. Title, Ph.D,, they have listed the following elements of bullying that kids have to deal with these days:

PHYSICAL BULLYING (potential harm to another person’s body or property)
Taunting, expressing physical superiority, threatening physical harm, blaming targeted student, making repeated and/or graphic threats, extortion, making threats to secure silence, threatening gestures, defacing property, pushing and shoving, stealing small items, initiating fights, scratching, tripping or causing a fall, assault, setting fires, biting, and physical cruelty.


EMOTIONAL BULLYING (harm to another’s self-worth)
Insulting remarks, name-calling, teasing about possession or clothes, harassing phone calls, insulting intelligence, athletic ability, etc., and challenging in public.

SOCIAL BULLYING (harm to another’s group acceptance)
Gossiping, started and spreading rumors, public teasing about clothes, looks, etc., insulting race or gender, undermining relationships, threatening total group exclusion, passively not including one in a group, playing mean tricks, making someone look foolish, arranging public humiliation, and ostracizing.

(Please come back next Saturday for the 2nd and final part)


Paul W. Reeves

"Wish I Were 2 Again"

A few weeks ago, I made the following comment to my 16-year-old and 22-year-old kids: “Hey, if you two are really good, I’ll let you help me clean the garage today”.

Well, as you might have guessed, the two whippersnappers gave me the “Yeah, right” look and laughed. I told them that the line would have worked years ago when they were young and impressionable ……. well, maybe not, as I then recalled this story from our younger family days on a summer day when my daughter was only 3-years-old:

During a family camping trip, my wife and I, along with her parents and adult brother, as well as our 3-year-old daughter and 6-month-old son were headed from the car to the beach. As was usually the case, traveling to the beach with the aforementioned group meant taking everything that we owned (at least it seemed like it!), seemingly including the kitchen sink!

As a result, with the plethora of chairs, coolers, beach toys, goods for the baby, umbrellas, bags of lotion, reading material, and, well you get the idea, we had to temporarily employ our 3-year-old daughter to help with the hauling of goods to the beach.

Of course, the five adults handled the heavy equipment and our baby, so the hauling that our 3-year-old needed to do was not much. In fact, as I recall, I only had her carry some goods to help to teach her that we needed to earn our rewards in life - in this case, the upcoming fun at the beach!

However, as we were walking up the hill on our 300-yard trek to the beach, she began to feel the burden of carrying a couple of items. While walking behind her, I noticed that she began to slow down and that she was struggling. I could also tell that she was close to stopping, crying, and begging for help. Again, her load was not heavy, it just would have been more fun for her to have her dad carry everything while she enjoyed the journey!

In the moments just before she was about to go down for the count, I loudly proclaimed to everybody in our group, “Wow, isn’t she something? She is quite the strong and responsible 3-year-old, carrying those items to the beach and helping the family. I am so proud of her. There is no way that she could have done this last year when she was 2-years-old!!”

I thought that I had engaged in terrific parenting, as I encouraged my daughter, pumped up her self-esteem, and kept her marching toward the goal with confidence. After I finished my words, my daughter stood up a little straighter, walked a little faster, and continued confidently on her journey. Ah yes, parenting at its best, or so I thought!

However, a few steps after I had said, “There is no way that she could have done this last year when she was 2-years-old”, my 3-year-old daughter did not miss a step when she uttered, “Gee, I sure wish that I were 2 again!”

And there you have it! I haven’t been able to use my psychological parenting skills on my kids at all. After all, when a 3-year-old trumps you, it’s time to get some new skills!

So, since that time, I have continued to re-enact that scenario around the house while changing the details, kind of like the garage story! The nice part, though, is that my kids do help, even though my psychological parenting ploys have miserably failed! ...... Or have they???

How about you? Any quick and witty retorts that your kids have uttered in their youth? If so, please pass them along!

It is stories like these that have made involved parenting such a grand reward!


Paul W. Reeves