The Coach's Son (Part 2)

(Continued from July 2, 2011) ...... So, the season began and I spent many hours developing lineup cards that would be fair to all. Yes, in some cases, I realized that some of the better players would be sitting on the bench for a few innings, but my goal was to be fair to all and provide a positive experience for them!

As every single player had to be put into the batting lineup, there weren't many choices there. My only choice was where to place each player in the order. The fact that they had to bat in the lineup was a decision that had been already made by the league rule book.

However, the decision-making came with placing players in the field. While I never placed a player in a position where he was doomed to fail, I did try to put the players in positions where they had a chance for success. In any event, all players were going to have several innings in the field. Sitting on the bench was considered to be a temporary position for any boy.

I also developed something different for our team: instead of using the time-honored tradition of playing a boy in the field for the first 3 innings and then sitting for the final 4 innings (a tough position for any kid - knowing that he just has to sit around for an hour or so with ZERO opportunity of getting back in), I rotated their innings.

While some of the so-called “better” players played nearly every inning, the lesser players played innings 1-3-5-7 or 2-4-6 - I was careful to mix up the lineup, so that we had optimal players at the most demanding positions.

By using this method, I believed that I was guaranteed to have a guy's attention on the game for the full game. Fortunately for all, this method worked and everybody, including all of the players sand their parents, seemed to be happy, as every players and his parents were guaranteed 3 or 4 innings per game in the field, regular turns in the batting order, and the opportunity to be directly in each game until the final out.

Wow, I had certainly hit the home run with this long-anticipated philosophy that I was finally able to put in place as a coach. Letting the kids play regularly was certain to be a major success …..........  or so I thought!

(Please come back next week for Part 3)

"Wish I Were 2 Again"

A few weeks ago, I made the following comment to my 16-year-old and 22-year-old kids: “Hey, if you two are really good, I’ll let you help me clean the garage today”.

Well, as you might have guessed, the two whippersnappers gave me the “Yeah, right” look and laughed. I told them that the line would have worked years ago when they were young and impressionable ……. well, maybe not, as I then recalled this story from our younger family days on a summer day when my daughter was only 3-years-old:

During a family camping trip, my wife and I, along with her parents and adult brother, as well as our 3-year-old daughter and 6-month-old son were headed from the car to the beach. As was usually the case, traveling to the beach with the aforementioned group meant taking everything that we owned (at least it seemed like it!), seemingly including the kitchen sink!

As a result, with the plethora of chairs, coolers, beach toys, goods for the baby, umbrellas, bags of lotion, reading material, and, well you get the idea, we had to temporarily employ our 3-year-old daughter to help with the hauling of goods to the beach.

Of course, the five adults handled the heavy equipment and our baby, so the hauling that our 3-year-old needed to do was not much. In fact, as I recall, I only had her carry some goods to help to teach her that we needed to earn our rewards in life - in this case, the upcoming fun at the beach!

However, as we were walking up the hill on our 300-yard trek to the beach, she began to feel the burden of carrying a couple of items. While walking behind her, I noticed that she began to slow down and that she was struggling. I could also tell that she was close to stopping, crying, and begging for help. Again, her load was not heavy, it just would have been more fun for her to have her dad carry everything while she enjoyed the journey!

In the moments just before she was about to go down for the count, I loudly proclaimed to everybody in our group, “Wow, isn’t she something? She is quite the strong and responsible 3-year-old, carrying those items to the beach and helping the family. I am so proud of her. There is no way that she could have done this last year when she was 2-years-old!!”

I thought that I had engaged in terrific parenting, as I encouraged my daughter, pumped up her self-esteem, and kept her marching toward the goal with confidence. After I finished my words, my daughter stood up a little straighter, walked a little faster, and continued confidently on her journey. Ah yes, parenting at its best, or so I thought!

However, a few steps after I had said, “There is no way that she could have done this last year when she was 2-years-old”, my 3-year-old daughter did not miss a step when she uttered, “Gee, I sure wish that I were 2 again!”

And there you have it! I haven’t been able to use my psychological parenting skills on my kids at all. After all, when a 3-year-old trumps you, it’s time to get some new skills!

So, since that time, I have continued to re-enact that scenario around the house while changing the details, kind of like the garage story! The nice part, though, is that my kids do help, even though my psychological parenting ploys have miserably failed! ...... Or have they???

How about you? Any quick and witty retorts that your kids have uttered in their youth? If so, please pass them along!

It is stories like these that have made involved parenting such a grand reward!


Paul W. Reeves

Music + Son + Dad=Victory(2)

(Continued from January 2, 2010) ...... He furiously practiced over the time that was available. Not only did he get the notes and rhythms, but he also played with an understanding of the emotions that I had attempted to convey with the piece. At nights and on the weekends, we played together, still trying to master every element of the piece and preparing for the upcoming performance.

Finally, the big day arrived. He flawlessly played the piece with the maturity of a seasoned pro, he nailed the credenza, and he received a perfect rating! In an instant, the mutual admiration society between my son and his favorite dad had grown even larger!

My admiration grew for him because of his perseverance, attention to detail, focused approach to the music and the instrument, and, of course, his brilliant preparation and performance. His admiration grew for me because I was willing to re-write one of my compositions just for him and accompany him on the piano. While I am sure that he appreciated the actual music, I think that he mostly appreciated the hours and hours that I logged on his behalf!

Yes, teaching your kids and watching them grow, while spending tons of time with them even when some might think that 16-year-olds don’t need dads as much in their lives (more on that terrible myth in a future blog!), and seeing their terrific work get rewarded with a perfect rating, while continuing to have his admiration grow for his dad at the same time, is a feeling that is almost too powerful to describe. Trust me, though; it’s a feeling that a parent would not trade for anything!

As always, continue to guide your kids (irrespective of their advanced age!), help them to grow, and spend lots and lots of time with them. The rewards are better than a perfect rating at a music festival!


Paul W. Reeves

Music + Son + Dad=Victory(1)

There are many times in your life as a parent when your kids will absolutely make you as proud as one can be. Moments that send chills up and down your spine and moisture to your eyes, as you experience the joy of watching your offspring have success.

My son recently decided to perform a marimba solo for the annual Solo and Ensemble Festival. While I was proud of his desire to perform for a rating in front of a musical judge, I was drawing a blank when it came to choosing music.

We looked through scores (no pun intended!) of books, read through many pieces that I had played in the past, and browsed through the inventories of a few stores. Irrespective of the time that we had logged in the quest to select a perfect piece for his performance, nothing jumped out at us.

Then ..... it hit me! I thought about taking a piece that I had written while he was in his mother’s tummy back in 1993, re-writing it for marimba, and condensing the orchestral parts into a piano part with which I would accompany his solo. I tested the idea on my son and …. HE LOVED IT!

So, after firing up “Finale”, my computer based music-writing program, I re-wrote the solo music for marimba and transcribed all accompaniment parts into one piano part. I even created and inserted an unaccompanied cadenza into the piece, so that he would be more prominently featured during the performance. I then made a recording of the piece and piano part, so that my son could engage in serious and meaningful practicing even while I was not at home.

At first, the piece seemed a bit daunting, as it featured changing time signatures (including 7/8, 4/4, and 3/4), changing tempos from very slow and dramatic to lightening fast with many 16th notes, and substantial and sudden shifts in dynamics.However, my son attacked the piece with all of the gusto and fortitude of a proven pro!

(So, how did he do? Well, tune in next week for the exciting conclusion!!)


Paul W. Reeves

My Son Has Surpassed Me!

Way back in the dark ages when I was a young whippersnapper, I spent an inordinate amount of time playing, practicing, and trying to perfect my artistry on percussion instruments, particularly the drum set. Of course, since this was in the days before videos, the Internet, and file sharing, I had to make due with recordings on vinyl!

Yes, every time that I got a few bucks in my pocket I would travel to the local store that had discounted jazz records and I would stock up. To this day, recordings of Buddy Rich, Louis Bellson, Butch Miles, Tony Williams, along with several more, align my shelves with records that have been substantially worn!

Through all of my diligence, attention to detail, and hours of practice, others believed that I had become reasonably decent on the drums. Attempting to imitate my drumming hero, Buddy Rich, while also fitting in with the group, I did my best to be the best drummer that I could be.

I always held first chair in the percussion section from middle school through high school; I was able to attain the same position in college for our trip to China; and I spent several years playing drums with some of the better musicians in the Detroit area. In fact, my drumming provided the necessary funds for all of my college expenses, including tuition.

Now, fast-forwarding several years, my youngest son showed an interest in drums at a very early age. Even before he reached a year old, he would sing tunes as they were written and then he would embellish the melody with jazzy nuances. He would also produce various percussion sounds with syncopated rhythms.

Throughout his childhood, my drum set was always set up and he would often hit the tubs to work out various rhythms with all four appendages. I often provided informal instruction to him to provide a more regimented routine and to ensure that only good habits developed.

At some point, it was time to join the school band and, of course, he chose to play percussion. He quickly excelled and rose to the top of the 5th grade! He even performed a solo in front of 500 people after being in band for only 2 months!

With his growing interest in percussion, I began to give him formal lessons. While the lessons propelled him even further, it was quite obvious to me that another teacher could provide a better level of instruction for him.

We managed to contact a gentleman who is considered to be one of the best percussionists in the entire region (this particular teacher was getting ready to graduate from college as I was entering the same college hundreds of years ago!). His lessons with this gentleman propelled him even further into the world of excellence with his drumming, to the point that was able to accomplish things on the drums at age 15 that I had not yet mastered at my advanced age!

Recently, he performed a drum set solo at the talent show at his high school. As I watched the tape of his performance, I could not believe my eyes and ears. Not only had my son surpassed my professional level of drumming, he had surpassed it by so much, that his favorite dad will never be able to catch up!

His rhythms are perfectly executed, his musical ideas (dynamics, phrasing, etc.) are top-notch, his speed is amazing, and even his level of hot-doggedness is as good as any (not that I was ever a hot dog, of course!).

So, at the ripe old age of 15 years old, how did my own son greatly surpass me in the world of drumming, a world that I used to own in our family? Practice, diligence, training, attention to detail, a natural knack for the tubs, constant hearing of songs and rhythms in the home since birth, and, well, who knows what else?

What I do know is this: My son has attained a level of professionalism that is not frequently seen at age 15. Am I bragging? Well, not on purpose. Am I proud of his accomplishments? ABSOLUTELY!!

As a final humbling note, my son actually credits ME with his drumming prowess. No son, I helped to get you there, but you are the one who made it happen. Keep up the great work in everything that you do!

As a final note #2, guess which drum set my son uses for his live performances? Yes, the Buddy Rich drum set that my parents gave to me when I was ...... 15 years old!


Paul W. Reeves

Performing With My Sons

Back on April 18, 2009, I wrote about the opportunity that I had to sing in church with my favorite daughter (actually, she is my only daughter, but she is still my favorite!). Even though I have been involved in professionally performing music for over 30 years, I had never had the chance to perform with my own children.

So, yes, the little girl who used to hug her daddy good-bye as he left the house on a Friday or Saturday night to play music, eventually grew into adulthood and, yes, finally shared a song with me in public.

Well, 2009 has been quite the year, as I recently had the chance to perform with both of my sons at the same time, making 2009 the year during which I first got to perform with all of my kids!

During a summer outdoor concert for which I was hired to perform, the organizers wanted me to showcase some “youth” for about five minutes during my performance. I boldly asked if I could have my own sons perform and, much to my delight, the question was met with a resounding “YES!”

So, after a few weeks of rehearsing a tune that I wrote for the occasion, we were ready to showcase our stuff to the world (well, at least 250 people). With me on vibes, my oldest son on guitar, and my youngest son on the drum set, coupled with pre-recorded piano and bass parts, we were ready to go.

About 45 minutes into my performance, I announced that the organizers had wanted me to showcase some youth. So, as we had a previously unused drum set on the stage, I asked if there was a youth boy/girl who would like to come up and play the drums. I looked around the audience and said, “Why, yes, we have a young man in the back who has volunteered.” The audience appropriately cheered. I then announced that he was coming up with his own drum sticks. The audience began to sense a scam! I then complimented him on his good looks and suggested that he must look just like his dad! The audience erupted in laughter and cheering as they realized that it must have been my own son who was making his way to the stage!

I then asked if any youth boy/girl wanted to play the previously unused guitar that was on the stage. A young man raised his hand and I said, “Why, yes, young man, please come up and join us.” The audience cheered. I then mentioned that he was also good looking and that he must look like his dad, too! The audience again cheered when they realized that I was just about to perform with two of my own children!

(Keeping it from a clean sweep with all of my kids was the fact that my daughter was performing music at a professional level in another state!).


At any rate, we started the nearly 8-minute tune (they agreed to “lower” their standards and play some Smooth Jazz with me), which featured the melody, a vibes solo and extended guitar and drum solos! Needless to say, my boys made me proud with their professional and prepared approach, their conquering of nerves, and their terrific performances.

In fact, when we finished, I told the audience that I had always told my sons that they would always have a place to live until they surpassed me in music proficiency. I then said that, based upon the performance that they had just given, they would be exiting the home right after we got home! The audience cheered wildly for both boys – deservedly so! They were outstanding!

Yes, their performances were terrific! But, even if they had performed poorly, it was a treat to FINALLY play on stage in public with my two favorite sons!

They each have terrific music careers ahead of them. And, even when I become old and frail (which will be about 150 years from now!), I will still remember the day that we shared a stage early in their careers! YES!!


Paul W. Reeves

Holding Out on My Son?

As I have shared in other forums, I had the opportunity to become a professional musician while I was still in high school. Through some very good and helpful folks, I had a fairly lengthy career, ripe with many opportunities for advancement.

However, around the time that I became a school Principal and my 3rd child was born, I decided to scale the music performance dates way back. I’ve kept up with the practicing over the years and I've even had the opportunity to play some concerts and clinics and even record two CD's (yes, my children have each CD in their collections and on their iPods!), but the weekly performance dates had to go.

One of my best breaks in music was that I got a chance to study with one of the greatest people, greatest teachers, and greatest musicians in the world while I was at Wayne State University. I always admired my private lesson and small group instruction teacher, as he had all of the professional and personal traits that I admired.

However, he once told me that he would never teach me everything that he knew, because he did not ever want to have to compete for a job with somebody who knew as much as he did! Although he said it with a smile, I believed that he was serious! To this day, I still believe that he was not joking!

I have told that story to my kids several times over the years. Of course, as they have progressed through their music lessons and free and professional performances, I have always told them that I would NEVER hold back with my knowledge and that I would always share everything that I knew – as long as they were prepared to learn.


Well, a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to give a public performance. This performance was special for a few reasons, one of which is that all of my children got the chance to see me perform live in front of an audience. In fact, for my two boys, it marked the first time that they had ever witnessed one of my live performances!

As we were driving home from the performance, I asked my kids for their views on what they had just heard. My daughter thought that I had played well and my older son concurred. However, my younger son (he plays the percussion instruments – just like his dad!) was silent …. most unusual behavior from him!

Finally, he said the following: “So, you ARE just like your teacher. I see that you HAVE been holding out on me”! The comment was serious and there was not even a hint of humor. I asked him to explain his comment.

He told me that, as much as I had taught him, it was clear that I had left quite a bit of information out of our lessons together, as he heard me play notes and passages that I had never taught to him and ....... he was right!

However, I was not holding out on him. I just wanted to be sure that he was ready for the lessons that would lead to him being able to perform at a higher level. He had determined that the moment had already arrived.

So, guess what we did when we got home and again on the next evening? YES, my son got the lesson on an advanced technique of percussion performance; he practiced quite hard; and he nearly mastered the concept within two days!

No, I didn’t misjudge his ability. I was merely saving the concepts for another time. But, this scenario taught me another lesson: Don’t withhold information from your kids, particularly if it can help them to excel in their various endeavors!

My son, who initially thought that I was holding out on him in a perfect imitation of my admired teacher from college, came to understand that I was only doing what I thought was best. But, as I shared with him, from now on, my best will be to teach him everything!!

Any stories from you on waiting for the “perfect” moment to forward information to your children, only to learn that your kids believed that the moment had arrived much earlier?

Ah, parenting – gotta love it!


Paul W. Reeves

Happy Birthday to ME!!

YES, a few days ago I celebrated my birthday!! Over the years, my kids have given me a wide variety of gifts from the innocuous and obligatory necktie to the much more meaningful framed pictures of them for my office.

During the days leading up to my birthday, I speculated as to what their gifts might be. Since their gifts have run the gamut, I had absolutely no clue as to what I would receive. Little did I know that I would receive one of the best and most touching gifts of my life!

Starting way back when each child was quite young, I started a birthday tradition of getting the whole family up early on the big day of each child, walking into the room of the child who would celebrate the birthday that day, and playing and singing Happy Birthday to wake him/her up!

There were different varieties of entertainment involved; sometimes I would play the trumpet or guitar and sometimes I would play a birthday song tape that I had made for each child. All others would loudly sing to wake the person up!

Over the years, as my own kids became musically inclined, the birthday treats were greatly enhanced; my older son on guitar or bass guitar, my daughter on clarinet or piano, my younger son on the xylophone or a few drums, and yours truly still playing the trumpet, guitar, or portable electric piano! Yes, the entertainment kept getting enhanced each year! The kids never knew what to expect – other than an early-morning musical surprise to awaken them!


So, what gift did I receive on my birthday? Well, here we go:

1) I normally awaken to the alarm at 4:00 a.m.

2) For some reason (I would later learn that my youngest son had made too much noise in the hallway) I was jarred awake at 3:53 a.m.

3) I opened my eyes to see my youngest son standing in my doorway. As I do not wake him up until 5:15 a.m., this was a tad strange

4) I asked him why he was up so early. He did not respond. I asked again and he still did not respond.

5) Then he entered the room, put the light on, and my daughter and older son entered the room with him to perform the following: daughter on clarinet, older son on guitar, and younger son on a percussion instrument – waking me up with their own rendition of Happy Birthday to their favorite dad!!

Yes, silly family traditions are a great way to build bonding; giving of yourself to your kids is one of the best gifts that you can give; and receiving those gifts back from your kids is one of the greatest gifts that you can receive!

My own kids, long the recipients of those early morning Happy Birthday wake-up calls, had now fully paid me back for everything. To watch my kids grow from infants into fine young people who can serenade their own dad with quality playing was almost too much too take. To say the least, I needed a moment or two to recover from the surprise.

But, even though I was awakened early on my birthday, I felt totally wide awake and tremendously loved all day!!

How about you? Please pass along your family traditions (the sillier the better!) that have enhanced bonding within your family!


Paul W. Reeves

My Hero Is My Dad!!

Every post in my blog has been written by me .... until now. For this post, I am acquiescing to my youngest son. He wrote a "HERO" paper for his 8th grade English class, in which he named ME as his HERO!

Unbeknownst to me, he selected me as his hero, wrote the paper without assistance, turned it in (he got an "A"), and that was the end of the story .... until his teacher called me to read the story over the telephone. To say that I was unable to speak for a few moments would not do justice to the feelings of warmth and love that overcame me at that moment. To count the number of tissues that my family and I later used would seemingly take a few calculators!

In all of the roles that I have taken on in this life, perhaps the most important one is the role of "DAD" to my kids. I have done my best to properly raise my kids; give as much quality and quantity time that I can; take care of their needs; teach them to love the Lord and all of His ways; attend all of their events; teach them to take on larger roles with greater maturity; and a host of other activities.

I suppose that, from this point forward, irrespective of what anybody else says, I have at least one person who believes that I got it right!

Below is my son's "Hero" paper:


What really defines a hero? Sure there are the people in our lives, like parents, who cook dinner, make beds, and hey, maybe even take you to a ball-game or two. But are those really the standards for heroism? Frankly stated, in my opinion, no it is not. A hero is one who goes beyond the average relational duties, such as someone who risks his life to save someone he doesn’t even know or one who inspires you to do great things.

My hero is my dad. This is no surprise because parents are often seen as heroic figures by their children, but it is more than just that. My father is, by all means, my biggest inspiration, as we are both percussionists. I’ve seen and listened intently as his drumsticks blow like a breeze over the drums and mallet based instruments alike. I myself cannot comprehend how he vigorously thrashes into spontaneous solos straight from his head, as I have attempted many times. I know that I may be as good as him one day, but at the moment I can only watch in awe and learn.

My dad is a hero for more than just his musical triumphs. He is also a role model; a leader. He’s shown me what to make of myself, how to live a life of happiness and how, in my later years, to be able to look back on my life and smile. He may not even realize he’s doing this! Through his subconscious teachings I gained a desire to constantly set the bar higher for myself and I have gained a greater self-perception and view of the world. What a difference one person can make.

I am not saying he is a God or holds any other ultimate title. He is just “Dad” and in being that has made me what I am today. If I didn’t have his influence in my life, I may have made some poor choices with dire consequences.

The trait that I admire most about him is that no matter how bad times are, he is still able to smile and crack a joke. I believe a happy-go-lucky attitude is the key to a successful life. Yes, I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am not the most athletic kid in the world, but that never stopped my dad from helping me practice with, of course, a strong positive attitude. He even volunteered to be my manager of my baseball team … twice!

My hero does do all the bare essentials of parenting such as transportation, care, bringing home a steady paycheck, and even cooking! But I appreciate him on a deeper level. I see him as the man I want to be.

Through being the very person he is, my hero has earned but all of the following titles: father, husband, son, coach, pal, role-model, and teacher. Above all, he is my hero, my dad!

Wow, thank you, son! You have achieved something that very few people have ever done .... you have left me speechless!


Paul W. Reeves