Dad and Child - Together!

Long before my children were born, I decided that I wanted their biggest influence to be ... ME – not their friends, the drug users, the drinkers, the kids who never tried to succeed in school, etc., but their greatest everyday influence was to be their favorite DAD!!

So, as a part of my journey toward becoming their biggest influence, I decided that, whenever I ventured out of the house to run an errand, I would ALWAYS take at least one child with me. In this manner, irrespective of what might be happening in the hustle and bustle of everyday life in the home, I could always escape with at least one child for a focused conversation, lesson on life, or just listening to the tales of their trials and tribulations.

One day I needed to travel to the local hardware store, about a 2 minute drive from our house. As I gathered up my oldest son (about 8-years-old at the time) to make the trip with me, I was looking forward to the isolated time together, the conversations that would ensue, and the possible lessons that my son would learn from me, including shopping for the necessary part and interacting with store employees.

However, as we were about to leave the driveway, I noticed that he looked a little concerned about something. When I asked him if all was O.K., he told me that he was fine. But, the look on his face told me otherwise.

I made a quick decision to bypass the local hardware store for the 2-minute drive and continued to the chain hardware store about 15 minutes away, thereby allowing me a total of 30 minutes of focused drive time to delve into my son’s obvious annoyance with some issue.

During the trip to the store, we talked about a variety of topics, including his upcoming baseball season, the Detroit Tigers, school, etc. He was quite chatty, but it still appeared as though something was bothering him. We arrived at the store, did our shopping for the needed part, and then got in the car for the ride home.

As we closed in on the 10-minute mark of the 15-minute drive home, my son suddenly asked me, “Dad, would you ever get drunk?” Well, somehow I managed to keep the car on the road as I told him that I would never allow myself to become inebriated. Of course, I then did the obvious. As this question came completely out of the dark with no lead-in or even an iota of purpose to me, I asked him why he would ask me such a question.

He then told me of his friend Mike (not his real name) in his 3rd grade class. Mike had told my son that his dad regularly gets drunk, beats up the mother and kids, and then leaves the family for a few days at a time. They never know if he is coming back!! Mike also told my son that ALL DADS do this, so he should be careful about me. To say the least, my son was conflicted, as he had been living in a loving home, yet his friends told him that ALL DADS do this!

Ah ha!! So I had my answer as to my son’s obvious concern about something. I then turned our drive home of less than 5 minutes into a few more errands that took over an hour, just so we could be alone to discuss this important topic. I assured my son that I would never be drunk, that I would never beat up our family, and that I would never disappear for days at a time. My reassurances did wonders for him, as his mood became brighter and he even suggested that we stop for ice-cream (a favorite activity in our family!). I also told my son that I would try and get help for Mike and his family (more about this in a future post – all is now well with Mike and his family!!).

Now - and here’s the big point - if I had just traipsed off to the local hardware store alone (which, by the way, would have been much easier and faster), I might have never heard about Mike’s story and my son’s concern that it could happen in our home. But, by consciously seizing every single possible moment to spend time with my kids, the situation allowed for the comfort zone in which my son could tell me of his concerns.

If I had not had those moments alone with my kids, it is possible that a stronger influence in his life (a friend, perhaps?) might have confirmed the story and confirmed that my son had better watch out for his dad!!

But, by being the strongest influence in my son's life, he knew where to go to find the truth ..... HIS DAD!!

How about you? Please pass along your suggestions as to how you have become, or plan to become, the strongest influence in your child’s life. After all, if you’re not the strongest influence in his/her life, somebody else will be!!

Hang in there and spend quality and quantity time with your kids!!


Paul W. Reeves

"I Dunno - I Fuhgot"

Our oldest two children had progressed rather nicely in the development of verbal, reasoning, and communication skills. Since our house was always in some state of communication, it seemed natural for them to develop those skills at an early age.

However, during the ages of 2 and 3 years old, our 3rd and youngest child seemed to not be developing the same skills at anywhere near the expected rate of our home or the expected rate of normal childhood development. Anytime that we asked him for an explanation on anything (such as, “Why are your toys in the middle of the floor?”, “Where is your blanket?, or “Why didn’t you tell us?”), we were always met with the following response, “I dunno, I fuhgot” (Translation: “I don’t know, I forgot”)

Well, to say the least, we were a little concerned about his seeming lack of development with his verbal and expressive skills. In our family, all of us spoke in clear and expository terms when discussing a multitude of issues. As such, he had plenty of exposure to the proper examples of communication. Yet, we continued to be hit with a barrage of “I dunno, I fuhgot”!!

We actually discussed the possibility of his sandbagging or scamming us on the issues, but, at the same time, we couldn’t believe that a 2/3-year-old could actually scam his parents on a regular basis. The look in his eyes seemed to indicate intelligence, but his lack of ability to verbally express his thoughts was of great concern.

So, was it really a case of “I dunno, I fuhgot” or were we dealing with a CHILDHOOD SCAMMER? We discussed this issue on a regular basis and we talked about the possibility of getting assistance with his oral language.

Near the end of his 3rd year of life, however, we received our answer to the “Dunno/Scammer” issue. I had a series of audio CD’s from various ministers, including Joyce Meyer, Ed Young, John Hagee, James Dobson, etc., all neatly arranged on shelves according to the presenter. One day, I noticed that the CD’s had become substantially discombobulated on the shelf, as the ministers’ CD’s were all mixed up! How could this happen? I asked my two older children and they indicated that they knew nothing of the mix up.

I then asked my youngest child, expecting the usual, “I dunno, I fuhgot” response. His actual response stopped me in my tracks – I then picked myself off of the floor, got a cold drink of water, retrieved a tape recorder, and asked him to answer the question again about the mix up of the CD’s.

His verbatim response is as follows: “Well, I noticed that Joyce Meyer, Ed Young, John Hagee, and Focus on the Family all had messages on the topic of “Love”, so I rearranged the CD’s to put all of the “Love” messages together. I then did the same for “Money” messages, “Jesus” messages, “Conflict messages”, “Healing” messages, “Delivering” messages, “Attitude” messages and so on and so forth. You see, dad, by arranging the CD’s in this manner, you can easily find all of the CD’s on “Love”, for example, instead of searching through each minister’s collection and then possibly even missing one. This way, they’re all together! This is my small way of helping the family. So, why don’t we listen to a Jesus message together right now? We have 7 to choose from. Which one is your favorite, dad?”

Well, alrighty then - the hours, weeks, months, even years of concern that our youngest child was not developing the necessary oral skills were all for naught, as we were dealing with a CHILDHOOD SCAMMER the whole time!!

I then told him that I was very proud of his rearranging of the CD’s and that I was proud of his explanation of the process. I told him that I had been expecting him to say, “I dunno, I fuhgot”. I laughed, but he looked a tad embarrassed, as he realized that the scam was over for the rest of his life!

I then told him that I had just received a new “Jesus” CD from Joyce Meyer. I asked him if he had filed the CD already. His answer: ………. You guessed it …… “I dunno, I fuhgot”!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Parenthood – gotta love it!!

But, to this day, several years later, if somebody in our family does not truly know the answer to a question, we respond with, yes, you guessed it again, "I dunno, I fuhgot"!!!!!


Paul W. Reeves

Father's Day - Part 2

(Continued from June 19, 2010) ........

15) The dad, a long-time computer guy long before computers found their way in to homes, told the son to get a computer, because he would need it for everything in life within a few yeas. The son reused. The dad then showed up at the son’s work one day with a huge computer – paid for by the dad. The son used it for years before upgrading a few times – the dad was right!

16) The son, for many years questioning the wisdom of his father, later in life learned that the dad was far beyond his years in wisdom. Interestingly, the same scenario is unfolding with the son’s children many years later.

17) In the son’s neighborhood, ALL boys owned a BB gun. One day the son, an expert marksman in his own right (at least that's his story!), fired a shot at a garbage can – a normal occurrence. The dad was on the other side of the can and the shot scared the dad. The BB gun was instantly retired on that day!

18) In later life, after the dad was making a very good living, the dad told the son that there had been times during which the family had not been able to afford shoes for the two kids. Funny, the kids always had new shoes and everything else that they needed. The son never knew that funds were low when he was a little kid.

19) When the son bought a new front door for his own home, the dad asked the son how he would install it and he offered to help. The son declined the offer for help. On the next day, while the son was struggling with the directions, the dad showed up and installed the door. He just knew.

20) The son, watching his dad’s health get weaker with the job, watched his father’s face light up when he held the son’s baby daughter – moments that the son will never forget!

21) In the dad’s final summer, the dad and son bonded again while completing home projects together at the dad’s (and mom’s) house.

22) When funds were quite low (although the son did not know this), the dad took out a loan to purchase a brand new Buddy Rich drumset for his son – the exact drumset that the son had always wanted! 35 years later, the son still owns this drumset; it is still in perfect condition; and the son’s son uses it now, too. Oh, and the son used the drumset to put himself through college and make a few extra bucks for married life.


23) Played catch almost every single day after work during the son’s formative years - this gave the son needed confidence to excel at baseball.

24) Coached the son in bowling – the son later went on to win the highest average in the league award several times, mostly because the dad showed a great interest in his son’s weekly battle with the lanes.

25) The dad, knowing that he was going to die in the hospital, refused to tell the son that he was even ill, so that the son would not worry; so that the son would keep working and not take time off; and so that the son would not see his dad in a suddenly frail state. However, at the moment of death, the son, 25 miles away and not knowing that his dad was ill, knew that he had just lost a friend, a huge supporter, and his dad all at once.


O.K., with all of that unselfish fatherly love bestowed upon a son, you might think that the young man might become spoiled!! Well, ..... I don’t know ..... do you think that I’m spoiled????

That’s right! Those 25 items describe my own dad, but they only scratch the surface!

To the best father in the world – THANK YOU, DAD! I REALLY MISS YOU! If my kids someday consider me to be as great a parent as you – my life's mission will be completed. Thank you for the lessons on being a great parent!


Paul W. Reeves

Father's Day - Part 1

Well, tomorrow is Father’s Day, the day on which tons of neckties and books are liberally given to dads all over the land! So, what are 25 of the top one million things that a father can do for his son (the son who will someday be a dad)? Well, spread over the next two weeks, here they are:

1) Coached his son’s T-Ball team when the child was only 7-years-old and encouraged and coached him while the son went 33-34 at the plate, after following his dad’s advice to hit everything toward 3rd base, because nobody at that age could fire the ball to first base in time to get the kid out!

2) Managed his son’s baseball teams at age 8, 9, 11, 12, 13, and 14. Had to miss managing the 10-year-old season due to a work commitment in another state – a season that the father and son always regretted

3) Always expected more from his son in practice and games than he expected from the other boys. While the son felt somewhat pressured, he credits his dad’s driving him with his making the all-star team as the shortstop!

4) After the son continued to believe that the father was “too tough” on him in practice and in games, the dad agreed to step down as his son’s manager for the first time.

5) In one of his first games with somebody other than his father as the manager, the kid, now 15-years-old, pitched the 2nd no-hitter of his career. After the game, the son was barely able to get his father’s attention. The kid’s feelings were hurt. Later, after asking the dad for the reason behind the blow off, the kid learned that the dad had been near tears and would have broken down in front of everybody had the two spoken right after the game.


6) After refusing to get the kid another dog (the first two dogs had passed away within months of coming into the home), the father, after being away for 10 weeks and missing his son’s 10-year-old baseball season, allowed the son to get another dog – a magnificent collie who would become a buddy to the father and son.

7) After the magnificent collie passed away years later and after the son moved out and got married, the father got another collie.

8) After watching his son make two egregious mistakes in a basketball game in front of about a thousand people, the dad used the next morning to berate his child for his poor play and for embarrassing the family and the team. While the son thought that this treatment was harsh at the time, the son later realized that the ‘chewing out” had awakened him toward a quest for excellence in all that he did.

9) The dad wore a suit to work every single day – a trend that the son had decided to follow for his own career.

10) Although he had resisted purchasing a swimming pool for his children, the father eventually gave in; bought a pool; and the whole family used it as a gathering place for family fun for years.


11) Refused to let his son swim on game days until after the game, because the pros did not swim on game days.

12) Early on told the son that he would be going to college and he would earn at least one degree. There would be no discussing the matter. Nobody was more proud than the dad when the son walked across the stage to receive his B.A.

13) Demanded that the son perform regular tasks around the house, i.e., taking put the garbage, shoveling snow, etc. However, when the son started taking care of the lawn on days of 95 degrees, the dad told the son to slow down and not work so hard - apparently the dad believed that his years-long message had gotten through too well!

14) Even though the two had a breakdown in communication during the son’s final year of college, mostly due to the father’s stress at work, the dad later became a nightly visitor at the apartment of his son and new bride.


(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion of the Father's Day Top 25!)


Paul W. Reeves

Hey, That's Mine! - Part 1

During my years as an Assistant Principal, in addition to running the day-to-day operation of the school, it was my job to encourage students to always be on their best behavior. Of course, being adolescents in this world, there were often issues that were brought to my office.

I suppose that I dealt with everything, including a broken pencil, missing homework, insubordination, fighting. theft, truancy, and sadly, the more nefarious acts of drug abuse and drug selling.

I had been working closely with a student named Bill. Bill always seemed depressed, withdrawn, always loitering with the wrong crowd, and seemingly always about to do something that he should not do.

As you might have guessed, Bill was always in trouble and he became a frequent visitor to my office. After I got to know him a little better, Bill shared with me that his mother had left the family several years ago and that his dad was mean. In short, he believed that nobody cared for him.

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts to keep Bill on the straight and narrow path, he would sometimes engage in behavior that would get him sent home. Every time that I called his dad, I was met with a verbal barrage of profanity and complaints about Bill. It was obvious to me that Bill’s dad was just as angry and depressed as Bill.

Over time, and after way too many phone calls home, I believed that I was making some headway with Bill’s dad. He began to soften a little bit and he began to share some of his struggles with me. He loved Bill, but he was still angry with his wife for leaving and he was always concerned about money.

Based upon his consistent behavior, I sensed that Bill’s dad had long ago turned to drugs or alcohol for solace. I believed that he had become more withdrawn from life and from Bill, thereby providing some of the roots for Bill’s feelings.

Despite many hours that I had spent with Bill and his father, one day I learned that Bill was in possession of marijuana. The soft part of me wanted to look the other way, thereby sparing Bill from a suspension and possible verbal abuse from his dad and I wanted to spare his dad from further bad news.

However, the responsible part of me took over and I launched an investigation. Sure enough, Bill had the goods and I had to haul him to the office. When I asked Bill why he would ever be in possession of marijuana, he told me that he was mad at his dad for ignoring him and this was his way of getting attention from his dad. He also shared his concern over the impending verbal abuse and possible physical abuse.

Primed to call the Police and Protective Services, I assured Bill that I would speak to his father and that everything would be O.K. I told Bill that if his dad made any threats, I would call the proper authorities.


(Please come back next Saturday for the conclusion).


Paul W. Reeves

No Cherries For You!

It is great when kids are raised in a loving home! They have a mom and dad who love them; their needs are taken care of; they have no concerns about the genesis of their next meal; they know that mom and dad will take care of them; and they know that mom and dad will let them do things that other kids could not do in their home.

However, the age of innocence always comes to an end, as the realization sets in that not everybody loves them the way that mom and dad do! Yes, sooner or later, all children find themselves in a situation that, if mom and dad were present, all would be taken care of for them. However, without mom and sad, they get the felling that their world is ending, which of course, can serve to elevate their views of mom and dad!!

At any rate, when our kids were 3, 6, and 9, they were playing in the backyard together. My wife and I were in the kitchen watching them through a window, admiring their ability to get along like three loving siblings. At some point we left the kitchen for a few minutes, but returned a little later.

Behind our home was a large field of manicured grass that belonged to an upper-level condo association. The only thing that separated our property from theirs was a group of cherry trees. Between the trees and condos was about 200 yards of grass. Nobody from the condo association ever came near the cherry trees. It was a gorgeous view with seemingly complete privacy.

As a neighborhood bonus, our next door neighbor often gave our kids some cherries and sometimes he even took them back there to pick some cherries for themselves.

The moment that I returned to the kitchen and looked through the window, I saw all three of our kids walking quickly along the line of cherry trees, single file toward our house, and none looking very happy. They immediately came in the house with obvious looks of insecurity and concern. What could have possibly happened?

Our oldest child explained that they had decided to pick some cherries, just like they had on many occasions with our neighbor. Apparently, some “scary older lady” came out of her condo from 200 yards away and yelled at our children to get away from the cherry trees. All alone without the security of their parents, our kids quickly scrammed back to the safe zone of home!

Yes, our kids, facing adversity without their parents to protect them, quickly retreated to our home to find us! They could not believe that they had been summarily dismissed from the cherry trees; they could not believe that an adult had been so rude and “scary” to them; and they could not believe that they had faced different treatment than our neighbor had received.

It served as a great lesson on all levels, as it reminded them that the trees were not theirs for the picking, even if our neighbor DID pick cherries from the trees; it reminded them to NEVER wander away from mom and dad without letting us know of their anticipated destination; and it served to remind them that not everybody is going to love them like mom and dad!

We quickly made some hot dogs, added some French Fries and Coke, and celebrated the fact that our kids were safe; they were with people who loved them; and we discussed that we could go to the store later to get some cherries!

How about you? Have your kids ever learned life lessons the hard, but memorable, way? If so, let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

Music + Son + Dad=Victory(1)

There are many times in your life as a parent when your kids will absolutely make you as proud as one can be. Moments that send chills up and down your spine and moisture to your eyes, as you experience the joy of watching your offspring have success.

My son recently decided to perform a marimba solo for the annual Solo and Ensemble Festival. While I was proud of his desire to perform for a rating in front of a musical judge, I was drawing a blank when it came to choosing music.

We looked through scores (no pun intended!) of books, read through many pieces that I had played in the past, and browsed through the inventories of a few stores. Irrespective of the time that we had logged in the quest to select a perfect piece for his performance, nothing jumped out at us.

Then ..... it hit me! I thought about taking a piece that I had written while he was in his mother’s tummy back in 1993, re-writing it for marimba, and condensing the orchestral parts into a piano part with which I would accompany his solo. I tested the idea on my son and …. HE LOVED IT!

So, after firing up “Finale”, my computer based music-writing program, I re-wrote the solo music for marimba and transcribed all accompaniment parts into one piano part. I even created and inserted an unaccompanied cadenza into the piece, so that he would be more prominently featured during the performance. I then made a recording of the piece and piano part, so that my son could engage in serious and meaningful practicing even while I was not at home.

At first, the piece seemed a bit daunting, as it featured changing time signatures (including 7/8, 4/4, and 3/4), changing tempos from very slow and dramatic to lightening fast with many 16th notes, and substantial and sudden shifts in dynamics.However, my son attacked the piece with all of the gusto and fortitude of a proven pro!

(So, how did he do? Well, tune in next week for the exciting conclusion!!)


Paul W. Reeves

Christmas is Here!!

Finally, Christmas is here!! It’s time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and, in keeping with the American tradition, give tons of presents to your kids!

Have you ever considered the gift that your child wants the most? A bike? No. A guitar or drum set? No. A computer or software? No. How about an iPod? No.

Although I have never met a child who has refused to accept the aforementioned gifts, the gift that your child truly wants is ................... YOU!! Yes, despite their daily rants about the restrictions that you place upon them, the multitude of “unfair” accusations that are lobbed your way, and the total disdain with which they look at you sometimes, the most important gift to any child is YOU and your TIME!

Similar to my own story with my own son, a few years ago, a 6th grade student (11 years old) named Robert told me about the harrowing experience that he had encountered with his dad during the previous weekend. His dad was hanging Christmas lights from their gutters on their 2-story home. It was somewhat windy and his dad even mentioned that he was a little concerned climbing up and down the ladder. At one point, he told his son to hold the bottom of the ladder just in case the wind decided to wreak some havoc.

Quite quickly, Robert became worried and he began to visualize the worst - how would his life change if his dad bought the farm while trying to beautify their home for the season? Within moments, Robert implored his dad to forget the lights for the season or try on another day. His dad told him that he would be too busy on all of the future weekends before Christmas. So, it was now or never. Robert voted for never.

Despite the bikes, guitars, drums sets, iPods, etc., that Robert’s mom and dad had provided in the past or might provide in the future, at that very moment he learned that his most important gift was his parents. He realized that, most important of all, he liked having his mom and dad home early from work; he liked their help with homework; he liked knowing that his dad would battle the “bad guys” if they broke in during the night; and he realized that his mom and dad took care of all of his needs because they loved him.

Without his parents and the time that they spent with him, Robert, on that windy Sunday afternoon, suddenly realized that he would have nobody to take care of him. Needless to say, according to Robert, his gift "needs" changed on that day.

When I asked Robert about that incident a few years later, he reiterated that the windy Sunday had changed him forever, from being a greedy kid who wanted tons of presents to a kid who smiled each night before he went to sleep, complete with the knowledge that he had parents who were in the same house and that they loved him!

So, yes, despite their constant blathering about their parents and their foibles and other deficiencies, kids are happiest and most secure when they have parents who love them, spend time with them, provide for their needs, have fun with them, and provide the emotional security blanket that they so richly need.

Merry Christmas and give your child the most needed and most precious Christmas gift of all ...... YOU!


Paul W. Reeves

What Does 'Sissy' Want?

From the time of my oldest son's birth (he is the middle of three children) through about the time that he was two years old or so, he always copied his “sissy”. Whatever “sissy” did, he wanted to do, as well.

While some of this was cute and while all of it was done in a loving manner, it was also decided that he need to stop copying "sissy" and make his own way in the world. For example, as he always placed his restaurant order after “sissy” ordered hers, his meal order was always identical. In fact, when we asked him what he wanted to eat, he would always respond by saying, “What does sissy want?”

The first order of business was to get him to order his own meal and to be his own man! Before we left for the restaurant, I told him that he would be ordering first; he was to get whatever he wanted; and that “sissy” would place her order after he was done. I also coached him on being his own man, making his own decisions, and doing what he believed to be best for himself. After all, all people were different and, as such, there was no point in copying others just for the sake of copying.

After being seated at the restaurant, the waitress asked my son for his order. He proudly ordered spaghetti and salad with Italian dressing! Wow, quite an order for a 2-year-old to place and a gigantic leap for not copying “sissy”!!

Of course, after “sissy” placed her order for steak and a baked potato, my son considered changing his order. We told him absolutely not. He had ordered spaghetti and salad, because it was his favorite. Copying “sissy” would serve no purpose.

We quickly noticed a sense of empowerment and a sense of relief, as my son had now stepped out into the world and had made his first meal decision!!

The send of empowerment made sense. The sense of relief, I believe, came from the fact that he had entered a brave, new world and all was still O.K.!! He had learned that he could make his own decision with a stranger (the waitress) and everything would still be just fine.

From that day forward, he began to make his own decisions for his life’s direction. For example, when “sissy” chose to explore dancing, he chose to play guitar. When she chose to play clarinet, he chose to play the sax. When she chose dolls and makeup, he chose baseball and basketball.

Ah yes, an independent young man – completely prepared for the harsh realities of life! The independent decision-making, started when he was 2-years-old at a Bill Knapps’ Restaurant, has stayed with my son since that time.

However, while in high school, he decided that hew wanted to get a job to tuck away a few bucks and to earn some money for some of life’s simple pleasures. He wasn’t sure where to get his first job to work with/for people who did not love him or care for him, so ……… he asked “sissy” if she could get him a job at her place of work!


Yes, some habits, while put away neatly for several years, never quite die completely! “Sissy” came to the rescue and got him a job at her place of work.

As our two young adult children, formerly 2- and 5-years-old, walked out of the house on his first night of work, dressed in matching polo shirts and khaki pants, we couldn’t help but think back to when they were little and my son repeatedly said, “What does ‘sissy’ want?”

Yes, our oldest son has become quite independent and a young man who is capable of making his own decisions for his life. But, when a little trepidation sets in on an issue, such as getting his first job, it’s nice to know that he still turns to “sissy” and she triumphantly comes through!

Several years from now, I can just imagine this conversation:
Dad: “Well, my oldest son, to which nursing home are you sending me?”
Oldest Son: Well, what does sissy want?”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Parenting – gotta love it!

How about you? Does one of your siblings copy off of another one? Have you experienced good or poor results? Have you attempted to have the copier make his/her own decisions? Write back and let me know!


Paul W. Reeves

Slurpees From 7-11

For more years than I care to confess, long before I had children, I often stopped at 7-11 on the way home from work on Friday afternoons for a delicious Coke Slurpee. Ah, the ice-cold taste of the Coke Slurpee was quite relaxing, as it took the edge off of a busy week.

Starting when my daughter was about 9 months old, one of my enjoyable daily tasks was to pick her up on the way home from work. Even when she was quite young, I continued the Friday tradition of the Slurpee run before I picked her up. The Slurpee would not be finished before I arrived at the babysitter’s house, so I still had more to enjoy after I put her in the car.

As you might have guessed, as she got older, she began to get quite curious about dad’s Slurpee every Friday. Eventually, she asked for a taste, and just like her dad, she loved it!

After it became age-appropriate, my stops on Friday afternoons led me to purchase TWO Slurpee drinks, my usual one and one for my favorite daughter. We would then spend the entire ride home enjoying our Friday afternoon treats.

This Friday Slurpee tradition continued for a few years, even after my first son was born. Of course, he eventually became ensnared in the Slurpee game and I was soon purchasing THREE Slurpee drinks after work on every Friday afternoon.

As you might have guessed, after my 2nd son was born, I was soon purchasing FOUR Slurpee drinks every Friday. Is there any better way to end the work week and start the weekend than to enjoy a Slurpee with your kids?

Eventually, as my kids entered school and I no longer picked them up from the babysitter’s house, I stopped arriving with FOUR Slurpees. However, after we were home for a few hours, we often hopped in the car and traveled to … you guessed it, 7-11 for another round of Slurpees!!

Although the Slurpee brigade eventually tailed off as my kids got older, to this day we will often stop at a 7-11 while we are on our way to other places, just so that we can relive the memories that my kids can remember since their very early days. Additionally, sometimes while on my way home, I will call home and ask anybody if they want a Slurpee. Of course, the answers are always affirmative!!

So, what is the lesson as my kids and I continue to enjoy Slurpees? I believe that the answer can be found under the topic of Family Tradition. Kids like to relive childhood memories that were positive, consistent, and brought about some level of bonding with their parents.

It’s the same reason that many adults take vacations at the same destinations that they frequented when they were children; it’s the same reason that many folks feel good when they put on music that their parents played in the house when they were tots; and it’s the same reason that adults like to revisit their old neighborhoods, even after their parents have moved out.

Yes, positive childhood memories, whether it’s friends, family love, the neighborhood, or even Slurpees with dad, are great to live over and over again. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m getting a taste for a delicious Coke Slurpee!!

How about you? Do you have any memories or activities to share from when your kids were little - the types of memories that are fun to relive over and over again? Thank you!


Paul W. Reeves

BIG WORDS for Kids!!

Everybody says “Awwwwww” when they hear a child say such words as “mama” “dada”, “lookee”, “potty”, etc. Yes, while it is certainly cute to hear a little voice say those words, have you ever heard a little child speak with proper grammar, more adult-like English, and proper language inflections? When you hear a child speak like that, the “Awwwwww” becomes “WOW”!!!

Shortly before our first child was born, we decided that all of our upcoming kids would learn to speak properly from the beginning and that we would not allow “baby-like” and “cute” substitutes for words that they would have to discard later upon entering elementary school. After all, what is the point of teaching words that can never be used again after a few years? Why not teach the words that kids will actually use when they get older – all the way into adulthood?

So, when my daughter was born, we continually used “grown-up” language around her. We encouraged her to learn to speak properly when addressing others.

After she became quite conversant with everybody (she could hold complete conversations with adults without utilizing “baby-talk”), I decided that it was time to exponentially expand her vocabulary. Note to wives: This is one lesson as to why you should never leave your husbands alone with the kids!!!!!

At any rate, one day when my daughter and I were alone, I started using BIG WORDS to describe various aspects of life around the house. Of course, she asked me for the meaning of the words, we practiced them, and she began to properly use them in sentences.

One of the first words that we used was “Plethora” (Definition: An excessive amount or number; an abundance). I started talking about the plethora of newspapers in the rack, the plethora of leaves on the trees in the backyard, the plethora of ice cubes that were in the freezer, etc.

My daughter, never one to miss a chance to expand her vocabulary (she was a ham from the beginning!), started going around the house pointing out where a plethora of something either did or did not exist. For example, she said, “There is a plethora of ties in your closet, dad” or “There is not a plethora of trash in the garage”. Very early in the lesson on the word, she had clearly gained an understanding of the use of the word “Plethora”.

These types of informal conversations/lessons continued on an almost daily basis. Again, when speaking to adults, our 18-month-old sounded like she fit right in with her complete sentences, proper grammar, proper use of the language, and, yes, using BIG WORDS that somebody-who-shall-remain-nameless had taught to her!

One day, while attending an extended-family birthday party in the presence of nearly 20 adults, my daughter loudly and gleefully announced, “There is a plethora of birthday gifts on the table”.

Before that moment, I never believed that it was possible for an entire room of adult conversations to instantly come to a close; have all heads turn in one person’s direction; and then have a few folks say things such as, “WOW, did you hear that?”, “She just said, ‘There is a plethora of birthday gifts on the table’”, and “Where did she learn that word?”.

Then somebody, not quite believing what he had just heard, asked my daughter, “What does that word mean”. My daughter, the ham, proudly announced, “It means an overwhelming amount”. The silent room became even more silent!! My daughter beamed from ear-to-ear at her obviously impressive performance and, of course, it encouraged her to learn tons more BIG WORDS in the future.

Today, she and my two sons regularly engage in chatter that is filled with BIG WORDS, proper grammar, and proper use of the English language, as they converse with their friends, teachers, and family members.

Yes, teaching toddlers BIG WORDS might seem to be a little bit pompous. However, it instilled in my kids the notion that words do matter and, when they speak properly with some BIG WORDS, people listen more carefully and with greater attentiveness, as the more intelligent conversation level opens more doors with more people.

Now, can my kids still converse like kids? Oh, yes, they can! How about this for a sample, “Yeah, I know dude, that is really cool, I mean like, you know, it is awesome”. Yes, those types of sentences make dads cringe, but at least they’ve learned to fit in with their peers when they see it as a necessity!

So, yes, teach your kids the BIG WORDS, proper English, proper grammar, don’t accept anything less, and they’ll grow up to be smart, but they’ll still talk like a kid when the need arises!!

Have a remarkably stupendous, phenomenal, overwhelming, breathtaking, and colossal time with your kids!! And, oh yes, be sure to spend a plethora of time with them!!


Paul W. Reeves

Is The Light Green?

One of the great joys of my life was picking up my kids after work! No matter what happened during the day, good and bad, everything was quickly forgotten when I saw my kids’ faces!!

When my daughter was about 18 months old (our only child at that time), I would often play the following game with her: When I stopped at a red traffic light, I would tell her that I was going to grab a quick nap and that I wanted her to pay close attention to the red light and let me know when it turned green.

Of course, I wasn’t really sleeping. Rather, it was my way of teaching her about traffic lights and responsibility. After all, if she didn’t tell me when the light turned green, it’s possible that I would continue to “sleep” and not drive home!!

So, without fail, I would pretend to sleep, with my left eye partially opened to see the light, while she stared intensively at the red light waiting for it to turn green. And, also without fail, she quickly alerted me to the fact that the light had turned green. As a part of the slapstick routine, I quickly acted as though I had been instantly awakened from a very deep sleep! I always began to drive while profusely thanking her for all of her help, thereby reaffirming her alertness, sense of responsibility, and her ability to read the lights!

This little routine carried on for several months. One time, however, the light turned green and she did not tell me!!!! Well, since I was looking at the light with my partially opened left eye, I pretended to wake up at that exact moment and I said something to the effect that the light had turned green. With that little announcement, I began to drive home.

I asked her why she had not alerted me to the green light. She told me that she was just about to tell me that it had turned green, but that I had awakened before she had been able to do so. She had a confirming and knowing smirk on her face!! O.K., was she really about to tell me or was it a sign that she was on to the game? Hmmmmmm!!

The next day, after picking her up and making the drive home, we stopped at a red light. Almost upon cue, I told her that I was going to take a nap and that she needed to let me know when the light turned green. I partially kept my left eye opened to see the light and I partially kept my right eye opened to see her!! Guess what I saw???????? A cute little 23-month-old girl STARING AT ME – NOT THE LIGHT!!!!!!!

Yes, she had caught on to my little scam. Her dad had never been sleeping at the light – he had been tricking his favorite daughter the whole time!! Of course, to keep the scam alive as long as possible, I kept pretending to sleep each time over the next few months. Each time, I noted that she was staring at me and not the light. I would always have to instantly “awaken” when the light turned green and then continue driving!!! Before the age of 2-years-old, she had managed to take control of the scam!!

At some point, probably when she was about 30 months old, I finally asked her why she was always staring at me and not the light. She asked me how I knew that she was staring at me when I was sleeping!! Yikes!! I had to confess that I had never actually been sleeping at the red lights. Rather, I was just training her to watch for the lights and to learn how to help others.

She then confessed that she had known that all along. She further told me that it had not made any sense that her dad would engage in such a dangerous practice on the road. So, early on, she began to check me out and she discovered that I had not actually been sleeping. But, trying to be a dutiful daughter, she decided to continue the game as along as I was willing to play it!!

So, are your kids watching you? Oh yes, they are watching you all of the time!! Do your kids know when you’re scamming them? Oh yes, they do!!

Lesson learned? – Always be honest with your kids, behave in a responsible manner in which they can always be proud, and, oh yes, play the occasional scam game with them, as it will let them know that you’re capable of having fun while trying to teach them lessons that they will learn and keep forever!!

Also, the occasional fun scam game allows for great conversation in later years with your kids! And, yes, I just know that my daughter is going to play this same scam game with her kids someday!!!!!


Paul W. Reeves

Proud Moment For Dad

As a parent, how many proud moments have you experienced? Probably several hundred – perhaps several thousand! Of course, the goal is to experience more “proud” moments than the “not-so-proud” moments, because there will be plenty of both!

Although I am always proud of my children, in my life as a dad, I have had many moments when the emotions welled up, as one my of kids took the opportunity to make me proud of an accomplishment in a public venue. It’s a little tough to show emotion in those moments, but, nonetheless, it’s all there inside!

Several years ago, I started working as an announcer for various sporting events (football, basketball, baseball, volleyball). With many years spent in front of a microphone (as a Teacher, Principal, and Musician), combined with my lifelong love of sports, the combination of announcing sporting events seemed to be made for me.

I spent several years honing my skills in this regard, all the while hoping that I could someday announce an accomplishment of one of my own children.

Finally, my big moment occurred!! After years of announcing, “Tackle by #27, Joe Smith” or “Outstanding 7-yard gain for quarterback, #19, Bill Jones”, the moment to announce an accomplishment of one of my own children was finally presented to me!

During the 2nd quarter of a football game, my son, playing at defensive tackle and wearing #64, fought off a blocker, reached around the blocker with one arm, stopped the halfback cold, freed his other arm from the blocker and made a solo tackle on the halfback, stopping him for a 2-yard loss!!

With all of the enthusiasm that I used for all other players, I announced the following: “Big-time solo tackle by #64, xxxxxxx Reeves, as he reached around the defender to stop the halfback, Jim Jones (fake name) for a 2-yard loss .... an outstanding solo tackle for xxxxxx Reeves”!!

My son got back on his feet, flashed a quick look to the press box, and gave me a thumbs-up signal! Right at that moment, I felt the need to throw down the microphone and run down to the field to hug big #64, as he had created one proud moment for his dad! (QUESTION: While we know that it would be embarrassing for a mother to run down to the field to hug her defensive tackle son, would it be better or worse if a dad did the same thing?).

Somehow, I kept the emotions in check and the game continued, with my son making even more tackles and fine plays and with the announcer enthusiastically calling his name and number!

There have been several other moments in which my kids have made me proud in public, but that first tackle, coupled with the thumbs-up to the press box, ranks near the top!

How about you? Write back and tell me about the public moments that you have experienced in which your kids made you proud!!


Paul W. Reeves

Mother's Day - THANK YOU!

Well, tomorrow is Mother’s Day, the day on which the second most telephone calls are made and the second most gifts are given in the year (Christmas is #1 every year)! So, what are 25 of the top one million things that a mother can do for her son (the son who will someday be a dad)? Well, here they are:

1) Make him feel loved, nurtured, and taken care of every single day

2) Be there when he is sick or upset and tend to his wounds

3) Make his favorite breakfast every day (with the understanding that his “favorite” will change on a routine basis)

4) Sacrifice her own needs and desires to make sure that her son’s needs and desires are met (without ever telling her son that she made sacrifices)

5) Having a complete homemade dinner ready every single night – other than the occasional pizza night

6) Ensuring that his clothes are clean for school every day

7) Completely washing, drying, and ironing his entire baseball uniform between games of a double header – in plenty of time to get him back to the field for the 2nd game

8) Shooting him a couple of extra bucks when he goes out on a date in high school even though the son never asked – she just knows

9) Somehow finding the funds – when funds are really tight – to purchase the professional drum set of his dreams – a drum set that he could then use to put himself through college, pay for gas and miscellaneous expenses, and even tuck away some cash for the future

10) Getting his drum set to the football field and unloading it by herself while her son practices with the high school band

11) Somehow finding the funds to send him to a jazz camp in Indiana, providing transportation to get him there, returning mid-week to deliver his own drums because he thought that he needed them, and then returning at week’s end to watch his concert, load the drums, and get him home

12) Making sure that he had a nice new suit for his first music gig

13) Never missing one of his endeavors, baseball, basketball, bowling, concerts, etc. - always there in the front row

14) Creating – from scratch – the perfect Santa Claus suit for his 2nd grade play

15) Being there to celebrate every single victory, both no-hitters, every hit and homerun, every basket, every strike, and every musical note and still be willing to listen to him re-tell the stories of his endeavors on their way home and at home

16) When her son grows up – watching her grandchildren while her son and wife go away for the weekend – many times

17) Allowing him to get a dog when she really didn’t want one – and then also falling in love with the dog – and nurturing the dog in his final days after her son marries and moves away

18) Always telling her son that she has high aspirations for him in life and reassuring him that he will succeed as long as he works hard

19) Making him a full breakfast at 3:00 a.m. when her son gets home from a gig and is starving

20) Cooking complete dinners and delivering them to his home after he gets married, so that he and his wife will not have to cook late at night after returning home from work and night college classes

21) Always sensing when her son is under stress or duress and encouraging him to slow down and take a deep breath

22) Being supportive with her grandchildren – her son’s children – even when she might wish to give them a kick in the pants

23) Befriending her son’s wife through the years even though they did not always see eye-to-eye at the beginning stages of their relationship

24) Falling in love with her son’s new dog and becoming inseparable with the dog when they are together

25) When facing testing for her upcoming cancer surgery – telling her son to go to work and not worry .. she’ll take a cab to the hospital

O.K., with all of that unselfish motherly love bestowed upon a son, you might think that the young man might become spoiled!! Well, ..... I don’t know ..... do you think that I’m spoiled????

That’s right! Those 25 items describe my own mom, but they only scratch the surface!

To the best mother in the world – THANK YOU, MOM! If my kids someday consider me to be as great a parent as you – my life's mission will be completed. Thank you for the lessons on being a great parent!


Paul W. Reeves

Dad/Daughter/Jesus!!

Since the days on which my children were born, perhaps even while they were in the womb, there has been music and singing in our home. All types of music, including classical, jazz, pop, baby songs, and nursery rhymes, to name just a few styles, have always been prevalent in our home.

Of course, my kids have also had to tolerate their dad's singing ALL OF THE TIME around the house, sometimes seriously, sometimes with a silly voice, sometimes singing real songs with substitute lyrics about our family or individual members, and, well, you get the idea. There has been music and singing of some type(s) in our home every single day (of course, I had to promise my kids that I would hold off singing while their friends were in the house - I vow that I have kept ... most of the time!).

As my oldest child, my daughter has been the recipient of, or has bore the brunt of, the most of my continuous singing. However, as annoying as she sometimes claims that it is, we used to sing all types of songs around the house and sometimes we still do! In fact, a few years ago, she took vocal lessons to go with her dancing skills and she now works as an entertainer during the summer months in musical theater! (Of course, I take full credit for her singing and dancing skills - she listened to me and she watched me carefully a million times ....... and then concentrated on doing the opposite!!).

At any rate, as much as we have shared music during her life, we had never actually sung together in public ... until a recent Sunday on which we sang a Praise and Worship duet to Jesus, entitled, "I Will Run to You".

So, before the entire congregation and the Lord Himself, my daughter, with whom I have shared silly songs since her birth, stood up next to me and we vocalized together for the first time in public!

This is the same girl who used to hug me before I left the home to “Go make music” and then wanted to hear all about it the next day! This is the same girl who used to get ticked off when I changed lyrics to popular songs – but then came to realize that her dad just might earn the “Silly Dad of the Year” contest someday. As such, she learned to laugh and share in the joy of the lyrics about our family and life situations!

And, …… this is the same girl, all grown up now, who actually GAVE ME some vocal lessons during our rehearsal time together!!

Yes, the music field used to be all mine in the family, but now I, with terrific fatherly love and satisfaction, gleefully share the spotlight with my beautiful daughter (actually I now stand in her shadow) !

While people used to say things such as, “That guy is a good singer” or “That guy is a good musician”, I wouldn’t be surprised if some people now say, “Hey, who is that old dude next to that beautiful young lady with the great singing voice – oh, he must be her manager or her dad”!!!!

Yes, from the humble beginnings of a dad singing silly songs to her in the womb, my daughter has grown up, developed tremendous talent of her own, gives her dad singing lessons, and stands beside him as they sing to the Lord. Wow, life and God are awesome!


Paul W. Reeves

My Hero Is My Dad!!

Every post in my blog has been written by me .... until now. For this post, I am acquiescing to my youngest son. He wrote a "HERO" paper for his 8th grade English class, in which he named ME as his HERO!

Unbeknownst to me, he selected me as his hero, wrote the paper without assistance, turned it in (he got an "A"), and that was the end of the story .... until his teacher called me to read the story over the telephone. To say that I was unable to speak for a few moments would not do justice to the feelings of warmth and love that overcame me at that moment. To count the number of tissues that my family and I later used would seemingly take a few calculators!

In all of the roles that I have taken on in this life, perhaps the most important one is the role of "DAD" to my kids. I have done my best to properly raise my kids; give as much quality and quantity time that I can; take care of their needs; teach them to love the Lord and all of His ways; attend all of their events; teach them to take on larger roles with greater maturity; and a host of other activities.

I suppose that, from this point forward, irrespective of what anybody else says, I have at least one person who believes that I got it right!

Below is my son's "Hero" paper:


What really defines a hero? Sure there are the people in our lives, like parents, who cook dinner, make beds, and hey, maybe even take you to a ball-game or two. But are those really the standards for heroism? Frankly stated, in my opinion, no it is not. A hero is one who goes beyond the average relational duties, such as someone who risks his life to save someone he doesn’t even know or one who inspires you to do great things.

My hero is my dad. This is no surprise because parents are often seen as heroic figures by their children, but it is more than just that. My father is, by all means, my biggest inspiration, as we are both percussionists. I’ve seen and listened intently as his drumsticks blow like a breeze over the drums and mallet based instruments alike. I myself cannot comprehend how he vigorously thrashes into spontaneous solos straight from his head, as I have attempted many times. I know that I may be as good as him one day, but at the moment I can only watch in awe and learn.

My dad is a hero for more than just his musical triumphs. He is also a role model; a leader. He’s shown me what to make of myself, how to live a life of happiness and how, in my later years, to be able to look back on my life and smile. He may not even realize he’s doing this! Through his subconscious teachings I gained a desire to constantly set the bar higher for myself and I have gained a greater self-perception and view of the world. What a difference one person can make.

I am not saying he is a God or holds any other ultimate title. He is just “Dad” and in being that has made me what I am today. If I didn’t have his influence in my life, I may have made some poor choices with dire consequences.

The trait that I admire most about him is that no matter how bad times are, he is still able to smile and crack a joke. I believe a happy-go-lucky attitude is the key to a successful life. Yes, I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am not the most athletic kid in the world, but that never stopped my dad from helping me practice with, of course, a strong positive attitude. He even volunteered to be my manager of my baseball team … twice!

My hero does do all the bare essentials of parenting such as transportation, care, bringing home a steady paycheck, and even cooking! But I appreciate him on a deeper level. I see him as the man I want to be.

Through being the very person he is, my hero has earned but all of the following titles: father, husband, son, coach, pal, role-model, and teacher. Above all, he is my hero, my dad!

Wow, thank you, son! You have achieved something that very few people have ever done .... you have left me speechless!


Paul W. Reeves

Dad - Are You Dead?-YIKES!!

One of the greatest worries of any child is the possible loss of one of his/her parents to death. Even with divorce, separation, or job relocation for one parent, both parents are still alive and the possibility to get together with both parents is always present.

However, when one parent dies, the possibility to get together is lost for the remainder of the child’s life on our planet. He/she will need to grow up from that point forward without one of his/her parents.

In my case, I used to consciously think about this possibility all of the time when I was a child. Fortunately, both of my parents remained alive until my father passed away when I was 30. But, I always knew that, if one of them had passed away when I was a child, my life would have radically and instantly changed.

I used to ask the following questions to myself:
1) Who would cook our dinners?
2) Who would take me to school?
3) Who would make my lunch?
4) Would I still be able to go to college?
5) Would we be able to stay in our home?
6) If we had to move, what about the friends that would be left behind?

Ah, yes, the worries of a child with regard to situations that one cannot control! But, the worries are legitimate, nonetheless.

Fast forwarding to my life as a parent, there was a time when the left front tire of my car kept running out of air. I had to stop each morning on the way to work and then again on the way home to put air in the tire. Sometimes, while driving, my car would swerve a little to the left and I’d have to work a little harder to keep the car on the road.

Obviously, there was a major problem with my tire, but with the obligations and hours at work, as well as the time that I wanted to spend with my children, there just wasn’t enough time to have the tire checked out … at least that’s how I justified it!

One day, while stopping for air for the tire, one of the mechanics came walking out to engage in a separate task. I asked him for some advice on the tire. I explained my twice-daily routine of injecting air in to the tire. After examining the tire, he told me that the tire was close to blowing up! When he learned that I log many miles on the expressway, he further explained that many people get killed with tires like this, as they explode en route, throwing the car into a violent swerve against other cars, into ditches, against railings, and under trucks!

Well, alrighty then, that little piece of news sent chills down my spine. After all, my three children did not need to explore life without their dad. While accidents can happen, the mere thought of having a preventable accident occur is unconscionable. So, I vowed at that moment that I would always take my car to a qualified mechanic at the slightest hint of an irregularity.

Later that evening in our family room, I told my wife of the “could easily get killed” story, because of the inattention to the tire. She expressed her horror, but she felt better when I told her that this would never happen again with our cars. She also vowed to tell me if there was a funny noise with her car, so that we could immediately get it addressed. We openly discussed that we wanted to ensure that both of us needed to stay alive as long as possible for our kids! I then made some more comments about the possibility of “getting killed” because of the tire.

Later that evening, I was awakened by my 8-year-old son at around 11:30 p.m. Since all of my kids sleep soundly, this awakening was an unusual occurrence. He called my name; I woke up and said hello; he then told me that he was just checking on me. He then went back to bed. At first, this didn’t make any sense. But then I wondered if he had heard of the tire story.

I thought about this situation for a moment and then I got up and went into his bedroom. I asked him if everything was O.K. He responded by asking if I had purchased a new tire. When I told him “yes”, he smiled and then covered up to go to sleep. I asked him how he knew about the tire. He told me that he had overheard the conversation between my wife and me (of course, he could have told us that he was spying around the corner!!) and that he was worried that I might die.

Oh, great! Because of my inattention to the tire, my son was now concerned that he might lose his dad. I reassured him that the tire was brand new, there are no other problems with the car, that I will always fix future car problems right away, and that he might have to put up me until I get to be 150 years old! We both laughed, hugged, and went back to sleep!

Lessons Learned Include:

a) Always take care of everything over which I have control, i.e., cars, health appointments, diet, exercise, etc., to lengthen the odds that I will remain alive for as along as possible for a variety of reasons, especially for my kids!!

b) Make sure that my kids are not “lurking” when my wife and I need to discuss serious “life” issues.

Yes, the innocence and laughter of children, however prone to lurking that they may be, are great reasons to stay alive forever!!


Paul W. Reeves