Dad and Child - Together!

Long before my children were born, I decided that I wanted their biggest influence to be ... ME – not their friends, the drug users, the drinkers, the kids who never tried to succeed in school, etc., but their greatest everyday influence was to be their favorite DAD!!

So, as a part of my journey toward becoming their biggest influence, I decided that, whenever I ventured out of the house to run an errand, I would ALWAYS take at least one child with me. In this manner, irrespective of what might be happening in the hustle and bustle of everyday life in the home, I could always escape with at least one child for a focused conversation, lesson on life, or just listening to the tales of their trials and tribulations.

One day I needed to travel to the local hardware store, about a 2 minute drive from our house. As I gathered up my oldest son (about 8-years-old at the time) to make the trip with me, I was looking forward to the isolated time together, the conversations that would ensue, and the possible lessons that my son would learn from me, including shopping for the necessary part and interacting with store employees.

However, as we were about to leave the driveway, I noticed that he looked a little concerned about something. When I asked him if all was O.K., he told me that he was fine. But, the look on his face told me otherwise.

I made a quick decision to bypass the local hardware store for the 2-minute drive and continued to the chain hardware store about 15 minutes away, thereby allowing me a total of 30 minutes of focused drive time to delve into my son’s obvious annoyance with some issue.

During the trip to the store, we talked about a variety of topics, including his upcoming baseball season, the Detroit Tigers, school, etc. He was quite chatty, but it still appeared as though something was bothering him. We arrived at the store, did our shopping for the needed part, and then got in the car for the ride home.

As we closed in on the 10-minute mark of the 15-minute drive home, my son suddenly asked me, “Dad, would you ever get drunk?” Well, somehow I managed to keep the car on the road as I told him that I would never allow myself to become inebriated. Of course, I then did the obvious. As this question came completely out of the dark with no lead-in or even an iota of purpose to me, I asked him why he would ask me such a question.

He then told me of his friend Mike (not his real name) in his 3rd grade class. Mike had told my son that his dad regularly gets drunk, beats up the mother and kids, and then leaves the family for a few days at a time. They never know if he is coming back!! Mike also told my son that ALL DADS do this, so he should be careful about me. To say the least, my son was conflicted, as he had been living in a loving home, yet his friends told him that ALL DADS do this!

Ah ha!! So I had my answer as to my son’s obvious concern about something. I then turned our drive home of less than 5 minutes into a few more errands that took over an hour, just so we could be alone to discuss this important topic. I assured my son that I would never be drunk, that I would never beat up our family, and that I would never disappear for days at a time. My reassurances did wonders for him, as his mood became brighter and he even suggested that we stop for ice-cream (a favorite activity in our family!). I also told my son that I would try and get help for Mike and his family (more about this in a future post – all is now well with Mike and his family!!).

Now - and here’s the big point - if I had just traipsed off to the local hardware store alone (which, by the way, would have been much easier and faster), I might have never heard about Mike’s story and my son’s concern that it could happen in our home. But, by consciously seizing every single possible moment to spend time with my kids, the situation allowed for the comfort zone in which my son could tell me of his concerns.

If I had not had those moments alone with my kids, it is possible that a stronger influence in his life (a friend, perhaps?) might have confirmed the story and confirmed that my son had better watch out for his dad!!

But, by being the strongest influence in my son's life, he knew where to go to find the truth ..... HIS DAD!!

How about you? Please pass along your suggestions as to how you have become, or plan to become, the strongest influence in your child’s life. After all, if you’re not the strongest influence in his/her life, somebody else will be!!

Hang in there and spend quality and quantity time with your kids!!


Paul W. Reeves

"I Dunno - I Fuhgot"

Our oldest two children had progressed rather nicely in the development of verbal, reasoning, and communication skills. Since our house was always in some state of communication, it seemed natural for them to develop those skills at an early age.

However, during the ages of 2 and 3 years old, our 3rd and youngest child seemed to not be developing the same skills at anywhere near the expected rate of our home or the expected rate of normal childhood development. Anytime that we asked him for an explanation on anything (such as, “Why are your toys in the middle of the floor?”, “Where is your blanket?, or “Why didn’t you tell us?”), we were always met with the following response, “I dunno, I fuhgot” (Translation: “I don’t know, I forgot”)

Well, to say the least, we were a little concerned about his seeming lack of development with his verbal and expressive skills. In our family, all of us spoke in clear and expository terms when discussing a multitude of issues. As such, he had plenty of exposure to the proper examples of communication. Yet, we continued to be hit with a barrage of “I dunno, I fuhgot”!!

We actually discussed the possibility of his sandbagging or scamming us on the issues, but, at the same time, we couldn’t believe that a 2/3-year-old could actually scam his parents on a regular basis. The look in his eyes seemed to indicate intelligence, but his lack of ability to verbally express his thoughts was of great concern.

So, was it really a case of “I dunno, I fuhgot” or were we dealing with a CHILDHOOD SCAMMER? We discussed this issue on a regular basis and we talked about the possibility of getting assistance with his oral language.

Near the end of his 3rd year of life, however, we received our answer to the “Dunno/Scammer” issue. I had a series of audio CD’s from various ministers, including Joyce Meyer, Ed Young, John Hagee, James Dobson, etc., all neatly arranged on shelves according to the presenter. One day, I noticed that the CD’s had become substantially discombobulated on the shelf, as the ministers’ CD’s were all mixed up! How could this happen? I asked my two older children and they indicated that they knew nothing of the mix up.

I then asked my youngest child, expecting the usual, “I dunno, I fuhgot” response. His actual response stopped me in my tracks – I then picked myself off of the floor, got a cold drink of water, retrieved a tape recorder, and asked him to answer the question again about the mix up of the CD’s.

His verbatim response is as follows: “Well, I noticed that Joyce Meyer, Ed Young, John Hagee, and Focus on the Family all had messages on the topic of “Love”, so I rearranged the CD’s to put all of the “Love” messages together. I then did the same for “Money” messages, “Jesus” messages, “Conflict messages”, “Healing” messages, “Delivering” messages, “Attitude” messages and so on and so forth. You see, dad, by arranging the CD’s in this manner, you can easily find all of the CD’s on “Love”, for example, instead of searching through each minister’s collection and then possibly even missing one. This way, they’re all together! This is my small way of helping the family. So, why don’t we listen to a Jesus message together right now? We have 7 to choose from. Which one is your favorite, dad?”

Well, alrighty then - the hours, weeks, months, even years of concern that our youngest child was not developing the necessary oral skills were all for naught, as we were dealing with a CHILDHOOD SCAMMER the whole time!!

I then told him that I was very proud of his rearranging of the CD’s and that I was proud of his explanation of the process. I told him that I had been expecting him to say, “I dunno, I fuhgot”. I laughed, but he looked a tad embarrassed, as he realized that the scam was over for the rest of his life!

I then told him that I had just received a new “Jesus” CD from Joyce Meyer. I asked him if he had filed the CD already. His answer: ………. You guessed it …… “I dunno, I fuhgot”!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Parenthood – gotta love it!!

But, to this day, several years later, if somebody in our family does not truly know the answer to a question, we respond with, yes, you guessed it again, "I dunno, I fuhgot"!!!!!


Paul W. Reeves

BIG WORDS for Kids!!

Everybody says “Awwwwww” when they hear a child say such words as “mama” “dada”, “lookee”, “potty”, etc. Yes, while it is certainly cute to hear a little voice say those words, have you ever heard a little child speak with proper grammar, more adult-like English, and proper language inflections? When you hear a child speak like that, the “Awwwwww” becomes “WOW”!!!

Shortly before our first child was born, we decided that all of our upcoming kids would learn to speak properly from the beginning and that we would not allow “baby-like” and “cute” substitutes for words that they would have to discard later upon entering elementary school. After all, what is the point of teaching words that can never be used again after a few years? Why not teach the words that kids will actually use when they get older – all the way into adulthood?

So, when my daughter was born, we continually used “grown-up” language around her. We encouraged her to learn to speak properly when addressing others.

After she became quite conversant with everybody (she could hold complete conversations with adults without utilizing “baby-talk”), I decided that it was time to exponentially expand her vocabulary. Note to wives: This is one lesson as to why you should never leave your husbands alone with the kids!!!!!

At any rate, one day when my daughter and I were alone, I started using BIG WORDS to describe various aspects of life around the house. Of course, she asked me for the meaning of the words, we practiced them, and she began to properly use them in sentences.

One of the first words that we used was “Plethora” (Definition: An excessive amount or number; an abundance). I started talking about the plethora of newspapers in the rack, the plethora of leaves on the trees in the backyard, the plethora of ice cubes that were in the freezer, etc.

My daughter, never one to miss a chance to expand her vocabulary (she was a ham from the beginning!), started going around the house pointing out where a plethora of something either did or did not exist. For example, she said, “There is a plethora of ties in your closet, dad” or “There is not a plethora of trash in the garage”. Very early in the lesson on the word, she had clearly gained an understanding of the use of the word “Plethora”.

These types of informal conversations/lessons continued on an almost daily basis. Again, when speaking to adults, our 18-month-old sounded like she fit right in with her complete sentences, proper grammar, proper use of the language, and, yes, using BIG WORDS that somebody-who-shall-remain-nameless had taught to her!

One day, while attending an extended-family birthday party in the presence of nearly 20 adults, my daughter loudly and gleefully announced, “There is a plethora of birthday gifts on the table”.

Before that moment, I never believed that it was possible for an entire room of adult conversations to instantly come to a close; have all heads turn in one person’s direction; and then have a few folks say things such as, “WOW, did you hear that?”, “She just said, ‘There is a plethora of birthday gifts on the table’”, and “Where did she learn that word?”.

Then somebody, not quite believing what he had just heard, asked my daughter, “What does that word mean”. My daughter, the ham, proudly announced, “It means an overwhelming amount”. The silent room became even more silent!! My daughter beamed from ear-to-ear at her obviously impressive performance and, of course, it encouraged her to learn tons more BIG WORDS in the future.

Today, she and my two sons regularly engage in chatter that is filled with BIG WORDS, proper grammar, and proper use of the English language, as they converse with their friends, teachers, and family members.

Yes, teaching toddlers BIG WORDS might seem to be a little bit pompous. However, it instilled in my kids the notion that words do matter and, when they speak properly with some BIG WORDS, people listen more carefully and with greater attentiveness, as the more intelligent conversation level opens more doors with more people.

Now, can my kids still converse like kids? Oh, yes, they can! How about this for a sample, “Yeah, I know dude, that is really cool, I mean like, you know, it is awesome”. Yes, those types of sentences make dads cringe, but at least they’ve learned to fit in with their peers when they see it as a necessity!

So, yes, teach your kids the BIG WORDS, proper English, proper grammar, don’t accept anything less, and they’ll grow up to be smart, but they’ll still talk like a kid when the need arises!!

Have a remarkably stupendous, phenomenal, overwhelming, breathtaking, and colossal time with your kids!! And, oh yes, be sure to spend a plethora of time with them!!


Paul W. Reeves

Is The Light Green?

One of the great joys of my life was picking up my kids after work! No matter what happened during the day, good and bad, everything was quickly forgotten when I saw my kids’ faces!!

When my daughter was about 18 months old (our only child at that time), I would often play the following game with her: When I stopped at a red traffic light, I would tell her that I was going to grab a quick nap and that I wanted her to pay close attention to the red light and let me know when it turned green.

Of course, I wasn’t really sleeping. Rather, it was my way of teaching her about traffic lights and responsibility. After all, if she didn’t tell me when the light turned green, it’s possible that I would continue to “sleep” and not drive home!!

So, without fail, I would pretend to sleep, with my left eye partially opened to see the light, while she stared intensively at the red light waiting for it to turn green. And, also without fail, she quickly alerted me to the fact that the light had turned green. As a part of the slapstick routine, I quickly acted as though I had been instantly awakened from a very deep sleep! I always began to drive while profusely thanking her for all of her help, thereby reaffirming her alertness, sense of responsibility, and her ability to read the lights!

This little routine carried on for several months. One time, however, the light turned green and she did not tell me!!!! Well, since I was looking at the light with my partially opened left eye, I pretended to wake up at that exact moment and I said something to the effect that the light had turned green. With that little announcement, I began to drive home.

I asked her why she had not alerted me to the green light. She told me that she was just about to tell me that it had turned green, but that I had awakened before she had been able to do so. She had a confirming and knowing smirk on her face!! O.K., was she really about to tell me or was it a sign that she was on to the game? Hmmmmmm!!

The next day, after picking her up and making the drive home, we stopped at a red light. Almost upon cue, I told her that I was going to take a nap and that she needed to let me know when the light turned green. I partially kept my left eye opened to see the light and I partially kept my right eye opened to see her!! Guess what I saw???????? A cute little 23-month-old girl STARING AT ME – NOT THE LIGHT!!!!!!!

Yes, she had caught on to my little scam. Her dad had never been sleeping at the light – he had been tricking his favorite daughter the whole time!! Of course, to keep the scam alive as long as possible, I kept pretending to sleep each time over the next few months. Each time, I noted that she was staring at me and not the light. I would always have to instantly “awaken” when the light turned green and then continue driving!!! Before the age of 2-years-old, she had managed to take control of the scam!!

At some point, probably when she was about 30 months old, I finally asked her why she was always staring at me and not the light. She asked me how I knew that she was staring at me when I was sleeping!! Yikes!! I had to confess that I had never actually been sleeping at the red lights. Rather, I was just training her to watch for the lights and to learn how to help others.

She then confessed that she had known that all along. She further told me that it had not made any sense that her dad would engage in such a dangerous practice on the road. So, early on, she began to check me out and she discovered that I had not actually been sleeping. But, trying to be a dutiful daughter, she decided to continue the game as along as I was willing to play it!!

So, are your kids watching you? Oh yes, they are watching you all of the time!! Do your kids know when you’re scamming them? Oh yes, they do!!

Lesson learned? – Always be honest with your kids, behave in a responsible manner in which they can always be proud, and, oh yes, play the occasional scam game with them, as it will let them know that you’re capable of having fun while trying to teach them lessons that they will learn and keep forever!!

Also, the occasional fun scam game allows for great conversation in later years with your kids! And, yes, I just know that my daughter is going to play this same scam game with her kids someday!!!!!


Paul W. Reeves

Dad/Daughter/Jesus!!

Since the days on which my children were born, perhaps even while they were in the womb, there has been music and singing in our home. All types of music, including classical, jazz, pop, baby songs, and nursery rhymes, to name just a few styles, have always been prevalent in our home.

Of course, my kids have also had to tolerate their dad's singing ALL OF THE TIME around the house, sometimes seriously, sometimes with a silly voice, sometimes singing real songs with substitute lyrics about our family or individual members, and, well, you get the idea. There has been music and singing of some type(s) in our home every single day (of course, I had to promise my kids that I would hold off singing while their friends were in the house - I vow that I have kept ... most of the time!).

As my oldest child, my daughter has been the recipient of, or has bore the brunt of, the most of my continuous singing. However, as annoying as she sometimes claims that it is, we used to sing all types of songs around the house and sometimes we still do! In fact, a few years ago, she took vocal lessons to go with her dancing skills and she now works as an entertainer during the summer months in musical theater! (Of course, I take full credit for her singing and dancing skills - she listened to me and she watched me carefully a million times ....... and then concentrated on doing the opposite!!).

At any rate, as much as we have shared music during her life, we had never actually sung together in public ... until a recent Sunday on which we sang a Praise and Worship duet to Jesus, entitled, "I Will Run to You".

So, before the entire congregation and the Lord Himself, my daughter, with whom I have shared silly songs since her birth, stood up next to me and we vocalized together for the first time in public!

This is the same girl who used to hug me before I left the home to “Go make music” and then wanted to hear all about it the next day! This is the same girl who used to get ticked off when I changed lyrics to popular songs – but then came to realize that her dad just might earn the “Silly Dad of the Year” contest someday. As such, she learned to laugh and share in the joy of the lyrics about our family and life situations!

And, …… this is the same girl, all grown up now, who actually GAVE ME some vocal lessons during our rehearsal time together!!

Yes, the music field used to be all mine in the family, but now I, with terrific fatherly love and satisfaction, gleefully share the spotlight with my beautiful daughter (actually I now stand in her shadow) !

While people used to say things such as, “That guy is a good singer” or “That guy is a good musician”, I wouldn’t be surprised if some people now say, “Hey, who is that old dude next to that beautiful young lady with the great singing voice – oh, he must be her manager or her dad”!!!!

Yes, from the humble beginnings of a dad singing silly songs to her in the womb, my daughter has grown up, developed tremendous talent of her own, gives her dad singing lessons, and stands beside him as they sing to the Lord. Wow, life and God are awesome!


Paul W. Reeves

Dad - Are You Dead?-YIKES!!

One of the greatest worries of any child is the possible loss of one of his/her parents to death. Even with divorce, separation, or job relocation for one parent, both parents are still alive and the possibility to get together with both parents is always present.

However, when one parent dies, the possibility to get together is lost for the remainder of the child’s life on our planet. He/she will need to grow up from that point forward without one of his/her parents.

In my case, I used to consciously think about this possibility all of the time when I was a child. Fortunately, both of my parents remained alive until my father passed away when I was 30. But, I always knew that, if one of them had passed away when I was a child, my life would have radically and instantly changed.

I used to ask the following questions to myself:
1) Who would cook our dinners?
2) Who would take me to school?
3) Who would make my lunch?
4) Would I still be able to go to college?
5) Would we be able to stay in our home?
6) If we had to move, what about the friends that would be left behind?

Ah, yes, the worries of a child with regard to situations that one cannot control! But, the worries are legitimate, nonetheless.

Fast forwarding to my life as a parent, there was a time when the left front tire of my car kept running out of air. I had to stop each morning on the way to work and then again on the way home to put air in the tire. Sometimes, while driving, my car would swerve a little to the left and I’d have to work a little harder to keep the car on the road.

Obviously, there was a major problem with my tire, but with the obligations and hours at work, as well as the time that I wanted to spend with my children, there just wasn’t enough time to have the tire checked out … at least that’s how I justified it!

One day, while stopping for air for the tire, one of the mechanics came walking out to engage in a separate task. I asked him for some advice on the tire. I explained my twice-daily routine of injecting air in to the tire. After examining the tire, he told me that the tire was close to blowing up! When he learned that I log many miles on the expressway, he further explained that many people get killed with tires like this, as they explode en route, throwing the car into a violent swerve against other cars, into ditches, against railings, and under trucks!

Well, alrighty then, that little piece of news sent chills down my spine. After all, my three children did not need to explore life without their dad. While accidents can happen, the mere thought of having a preventable accident occur is unconscionable. So, I vowed at that moment that I would always take my car to a qualified mechanic at the slightest hint of an irregularity.

Later that evening in our family room, I told my wife of the “could easily get killed” story, because of the inattention to the tire. She expressed her horror, but she felt better when I told her that this would never happen again with our cars. She also vowed to tell me if there was a funny noise with her car, so that we could immediately get it addressed. We openly discussed that we wanted to ensure that both of us needed to stay alive as long as possible for our kids! I then made some more comments about the possibility of “getting killed” because of the tire.

Later that evening, I was awakened by my 8-year-old son at around 11:30 p.m. Since all of my kids sleep soundly, this awakening was an unusual occurrence. He called my name; I woke up and said hello; he then told me that he was just checking on me. He then went back to bed. At first, this didn’t make any sense. But then I wondered if he had heard of the tire story.

I thought about this situation for a moment and then I got up and went into his bedroom. I asked him if everything was O.K. He responded by asking if I had purchased a new tire. When I told him “yes”, he smiled and then covered up to go to sleep. I asked him how he knew about the tire. He told me that he had overheard the conversation between my wife and me (of course, he could have told us that he was spying around the corner!!) and that he was worried that I might die.

Oh, great! Because of my inattention to the tire, my son was now concerned that he might lose his dad. I reassured him that the tire was brand new, there are no other problems with the car, that I will always fix future car problems right away, and that he might have to put up me until I get to be 150 years old! We both laughed, hugged, and went back to sleep!

Lessons Learned Include:

a) Always take care of everything over which I have control, i.e., cars, health appointments, diet, exercise, etc., to lengthen the odds that I will remain alive for as along as possible for a variety of reasons, especially for my kids!!

b) Make sure that my kids are not “lurking” when my wife and I need to discuss serious “life” issues.

Yes, the innocence and laughter of children, however prone to lurking that they may be, are great reasons to stay alive forever!!


Paul W. Reeves