Teen Drug Abuse - Part 1

As I have often written in this blog and explained to parents, drug use among teens is highly prevalent, from the lowest parts of the country to the upper echelons of society. Essentially, drug use knows no boundaries and it has infiltrated our kids at alarming rates. The combination of peer pressure, teens feeling unloved, stress, and availability of inexpensive drugs, has proved to be attractive to teens and, in some cases, lethal.

Over the next three Saturday posts, I will be highlighting the words that were recently released in a report from the “National Institute on Drug Abuse”, along with my comments interspersed throughout the article. The articles words will be in bold, while my words will be in regular type.

Our teenagers are using methamphetamine, but reductions in marijuana use have stalled and abuse of prescription drugs remains high, U.S. health officials report.

In addition, they said that newer drugs, such as the hallucinogenic salvia leaf and the prescription medication Adderall, which is intended for treatment of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), appear to be gaining a foothold among teens.
The findings are in the annual report from the U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse, issued Dec. 14.

"Every time this study comes out, there is both good news and bad news," said Dr. Wilson Compton, director of the agency's division of epidemiology, services and prevention research.

"The long-term trends show some very positive changes in stimulants and methamphetamine, some improvements in cocaine that are very promising, but we don't see the ongoing improvement in marijuana or the overall measures of illicit drug use," he said.

"On the one hand, you could say it's stable, [and] that's not too bad," Compton said. "But when you are stable at very high rates, that tells us we need to redouble our efforts."

The big news in this year's report, he said, is that declines in marijuana use have stalled. "This has us concerned about a resurgence and also about what we can do to reduce the rates from where they are," he said.

On the plus side, smoking rates among teens are down, Compton noted. He added, however, "we are now seeing illicit drugs more commonly used than cigarettes."
That is the part that scares me, even though I have seen it steadily occur over the past ten years, or so. “We are now seeing illicit drugs more commonly used than cigarettes”. 


Can you remember when you were a teen? A few “losers” smoked cigarettes, while only one or two actual “burnouts” used drugs. Now, both have increased in usage and the use of drugs is now outpacing the use of cigarettes!

Are your kids using drugs, either regularly or recreationally? If you said “no”, how do you know? Are you with them at school? Is there a window of time in the afternoon during which they could have access to drugs before you get home? Do you really know who shows up at a friend’s house when your own child is also visiting? Unfortunately, there is no way to know the answer to all of those questions.

As such, it is of the utmost urgency that you constantly monitor your child’s activities. Yes, take off work at 2:00 p.m. one day and find your child. If he/she is home playing safe video games or eating a sandwich, terrific! If not, find him/her and find out what is going on.

In another scenario, when your child is visiting a friend, stop over the friend’s house about two hours into the visit and find out who is really at the house! Your kid will be mortified, but it’s not your job to keep him/her "un"-mortified, it’s your job to keep him/her alive and away from drugs and those who use them!

The times have changed rather drastically since the time that we were teens. We were scared to death to be home 5 minutes late after eating too much pizza and having to many soft drinks. In today’s society, with busy parents working, with teens feeling more unloved than ever, and with the added stress and peer pressure, having too many pizzas and soft drinks should be the least of your concerns.

Find out what your kids are doing, keep them away from all drugs, and do it now before it is too late!

Just one more sign that parenting is not easy, but, by staying involved, we can be triumphant!

(Please come back next week for Part 2)


Paul W. Reeves

Kids Growing Up - WHAT?!?!?

Well, O.K., it’s time to approach everybody for some help! That’s right, I’m looking for some advice! What’s the problem, you might be asking? Well, my14-year-old 8th grade daughter is about to leave for a week long trip with her school to Washington D.C.

This is the same 14-year-old girl that I used to have to rock to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT AT 3:00 A.M. during the first year of her life because she needed me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was also the little girl who needed my help to learn to ride her bike, learn the weekly enjoyment of pizza and a Slurpee from 7-11, learn the proper driving skills in her Barbie car, learn the finer points of baseball while watching a Tigers’ game on TV with me, learn to play the clarinet so that she could earn a1st division rating at this year’s Solo and Ensemble Band festival, and, well, you get the idea!!

It’s not so much the fact that she’ll be gone for a week. I can deal with that, as I know that she’ll be home next Saturday, whereupon we will immediately embark on a pizza/Slurpee journey! It’s not even so much the fact that she’s going to live for nearly a week without any direct help from me. No, I can deal with that, too (for one week, that is). I’ll even find something else to do at 6:00 a.m. each day this week (that’s the time that I usually wake her up with a cheerful hello and some sort of bad joke!!).

The problem is this: It’s that I can see the beginning of the end of life with my daughter in our house. People with older children have told me that kids actually grow up, become adults, move out, get married, have kids, and lead totally independent lives from their dads! Perhaps, those people were just teasing me. But, if all that they said is true, please pass along some advice!!

So, if you have older kids, how have you dealt with all of the above? Please pass along your comments for all to see, as your advice can be helpful to other parents, as well. As for my two boys (ages 8 and 11), I think that we just might have Slurpees and pizza every day this week! Even though my wife strongly discourages the consumption of pizza and Slurpees in our family, I have a feeling that she just might go for it this week!

And finally, I finished my inaugural basketball coaching season this past weekend as the assistant coach, as our team scored a thrilling 35-33 victory! The victory must have been the work of the head coach and the players, because the assistant coach was thinking about a very special 14-year-old girl who was sitting in the bleachers with her mom and her little brother .........................

So, parents, as exhausting and infuriating as it can sometimes be, have you thought about the times in the future when your kids will no longer live with you or even need your sage advice and wisdom on an hourly basis? The day is coming sooner than you think! So, use your time now to continue to raise your kids in the manner that you believe is best. There is a limited window of opportunity for you to help your kids find their way. Because one day, they just might leave for a week .... and discover that they can live without you ... OUCH!

To the parents who have experienced kids leaving the nest, how have you coped? Was it as difficult as it appears to be? Please pass along advice for everybody! Thanks!


Paul W. Reeves

Your Kids Are Watching You!!

Do your kids ever receive mixed messages from you? As with all cases, consistent and persistent messages from you, followed by consistent and persistent behavior from you, is one of the strongest and most dynamic methods by which you can convince your kids to avoid the life of the Use of Illicit Substances (UIS).

For example, do you daily preach the evils of UIS and then occasionally come home from a party in an inebriated state? Do you sternly lecture your kids about the dangers of UIS and then fill the air of your basement’s back room under the stairs with cigarette smoke? Do you strike fear in your kids about the perils of UIS and then rent a movie that glorifies drug use (there are certainly plenty of movies out there for this purpose!)?

You are an adult and you can make adult choices. Therefore, I am not utilizing this passage to pass along my views on how a parent should go about their personal business. However, I will tell you this: Your spoken words to your kids are very important. They will internalize your words, as well as their intent, and they will make life decisions based upon the direction that you give to them.

However, your actions speak much more loudly and with more clarity than your words ever will! While your words are important, over time your kids will respond and shape their lives in accordance with your actions more than with your words.

In simple terms, if you want your kids to avoid the dead-end road of “Use of Illegal Substances”, your actions will need to be consistent with your words 100% of the time with no exceptions!

Nobody ever said that parenting would be easy!

Yes, somebody is watching you, but it's not Big Brother ..... it is your children!!


Paul W. Reeves

Kids Smoking and Drinking?

According to a recent report from AScribe Newswire Center for the Advancement of Health, "Teen smoking and drinking do not occur in a vacuum -- both parents and peers may promote or discourage substance abuse among teens, according to a study of more than 4,500 students in the sixth, seventh and eighth grades".

"This is one of the first studies to report that both peer and parent influences are independently associated with smoking and drinking," said lead author Bruce Simons-Morton, Ed.D., M.P.H., of the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development at National Institutes of Health, in Bethesda, Maryland.

The teen study participants took a substance abuse survey that included questions on how many of their friends smoke and drink and how often friends had encouraged them to smoke or drink over the past year. The teens were also asked how aware their parents were of their daily activities, about their parents' expectations concerning smoking and drinking and about their parents' level of regard for them.

Girls and boys who associated with friends who smoke and drank were more likely to do so themselves, the researchers found. "Our findings underscore the powerful influence affiliation with substance-using peers can have on smoking and drinking," said Simons-Morton.

In general, girls were more likely to drink than boys and were more susceptible to peer pressure from friends encouraging them to drink, according to the study. "This is consistent with other research suggesting that girls may be more susceptible than boys to peer influences to smoke or drink," noted Simons-Morton.

Parents also appeared to influence teen smoking and drinking, the researchers found. "Teens who perceived that their parents like them, respect them, take them seriously, listen to them and give reasons for rules and decisions that involve them were less likely to smoke and drink," said Simons-Morton.

"Teens with parents who do not establish clear behavioral expectations, do not keep themselves informed about their teen's life and do not demonstrate their regard for their teen are more likely to experiment with substance use," the researcher added.

Do you like and respect your kids? Of course you do! But, do your kids believe that you like and respect them? Do you take your kids seriously? Of course you do! But, it has been my experience that only when parents take the time to explain their thoughts to their kids (as opposed to just ordering them around and sternly lecturing them) do the kids actually feel as though they are liked, loved, and respected by their parents.

Also, do you have clear behavioral expectations for your kids? Do they know what they are? After working with thousands of middle school kids over the years, it has become clear that kids seek and desire clear rules and expectations from their parents.

Yes, they will rebel and try to circumvent the rules, but only as an attempt to test your love for them! Be consistent, be clear, and always check on your kids, to help to ensure that they are staying away from all forms of drugs.

Hang in there! Your kids need you!!


Paul W. Reeves

Sample Conversation

With regard to talking to your children about the evils of adolescence, one of the conversations that I have replayed over and over with my own children (with variations, of course!) is printed below. My goals are simple:

a. Bring up the topic and openly discuss it, so that they know that I am aware of drug use with adolescents.

b. Let them know that I am going to be checking with them on a regular basis.

c. Give legitimacy to their thoughts and likes/dislikes, so that I don't come off as a know-it-all, although I do want them to have the confidence that I am at least a "little" smarter than they are - they won't acknowledge this, but it gives them great comfort to know that their parents are fully in the game!

d. Check for body language and the tone of the answers to ensure that the actual answers match!


Dad: Hey, did you see that music awards show last night?

Daughter: Yeah, I did. It was great. All of my favorite bands were on!

Dad: I suppose that I’ll never understand some of today’s music, but, then again, my parents said the same thing about the Beatles. I’ve always believed that good music eventually becomes etched in time and it holds its place in music history. I think that’s why the music of Bach and Beethoven, as well as the Beatles and Elvis Presley, is still popular today. It represented quality in their specific areas of expertise.

Daughter: Yeah, but, N’SYNC is really cool!

Dad: Well, you said that about the Spice Girls, too. And look where they are today? They don’t even exist!

Daughter: Well, O.K., I guess you were right about the Spice Girls, but I think that N’SYNC is in the Beethoven category.

Dad: Well, you might be right. We’ll see. Do you know what I noticed on the awards show that was somewhat disturbing?

Daughter: What? N’SYNC or the Backstreet Boys?

Dad: Well, both of them actually! But seriously, I noticed that many of the rock stars had that drugged out look about them. Do you know what I mean? They had sagging eyes, they looked at least 20 years older than they were, they were skinny as rails, drugs will do that to you, you know, and their eyes had somewhat of a glassy stare. Did you notice that?

Daughter: Yeah, a little. But the guys from N’SYNC seem to be clean cut.

Dad: Yes, they seem to be. But I just don’t understand why some of these rock stars, with their talent, fame, and money, feel the need to use drugs. After using that stuff for a while, your brain starts to become fried and your physical appearance starts to go downhill. Now, I’m sure that the drugs that they took felt great at the time, but look at them now! They’ve probably chopped years off of their lives with the drug use. I just don’t understand it, do you?

Daughter: No, I don’t. But I guess that they think it’s cool to use drugs with their friends.

Dad: Oh, I’m sure that you’re right. One of their friends probably had drugs at a party one night and offered it to them. Or maybe they smoked cigarettes when they were kids and the smoking led to the need for more powerful drugs. Do any of your friends smoke?

Daughter: No, dad, they don’t. That’s the 10 millionth time that you have asked that question since I was five years old.

Dad: I know, but I like to keep checking. And, as I’ve also told you 10 millions times, my dad died when he was 56 years old, due to smoking. I don’t want that to happen to you, because who will take care of me when I’m old? Anyway, about the rock stars, before they knew it, they were hooked and now look at them. They probably couldn’t stop if they wanted to. I know that I was offered drugs a few times in my life. Fortunately, I realized how stupid they were and I was able to say no. And because I said no, I was able to grow up with my brain intact and I was able to finish college and get a decent job.

Daughter: Yeah, dad that’s true. You’ll never be a rock star!

Dad: Well, I guess I’ll take that as a compliment! Has anybody ever offered you drugs?

Daughter: Now, dad, you know my friends are square!

Dad: Well, some of them act square around me, that’s for sure. In fact, a lot of kids act square around me. I call it the Eddie Haskell syndrome.

Daughter: The Eddie who, what?

Dad: The Eddie …. oh, never mind. It's just that kids often act differently around their friends than they do when they are around their friends’ parents. But, seriously, have you ever been offered drugs? I mean, any kind, illegal, legal like Tylenol, Motrin, or anything?

Daughter: No.

Dad: Well, when I was offered drugs, I definitely said no. Of course, my friends suddenly didn’t think that I was totally cool after that, but they did seem to gain respect for me. Will you let me know if you’re ever offered anything?

Daughter: Yes.

Throughout the conversation, I was able to convey the following elements:
1) The damage that drugs will do your brain and body.
2) My thoughts that drugs are damaging.
3) Questioned my daughter about her drug use.
4) Questioned her about her friends’ drug use.
5) Gave legitimacy to her music.
6) Listed a means by which drug use can start.
7) My own chances to try drugs (I said no!).

Most important of all ...... my daughter learned that I WILL keep checking on her for her safety and well-being!

Hang in there and check with your kids on a regular basis about the evils of Using Illicit Substances, including drugs, alcohol, and smoking. Although you won't get the feedback for several years, their confidence, self-esteem, and feeling of security will grow when their mom/dad continues to convey a sense of caring and involvement!


Paul W. Reeves

TALK! TALK! TALK! - Tips

When speaking to one of my own kids on various subjects, including Use of Illicit Substances (UIS), Smoking, Alcohol, Sex, and other serious adolescent issues, I try to avoid always lecturing, yelling, and backing my child into a verbal corner from which there is no retreat.

While those techniques certainly have their place and can be effective, I also use the caring, fatherly approach. My messages are generally packed with the following information (NOTE: Although the following tips are in regard to UIS, the same tips can be used when discussing any issue):

1) I tell my child the latest news that I might have heard, regarding UIS, such as a commercial or TV show that I saw (and which I suspect that she saw or about which she might have been told), an injury or death in the newspaper that resulted UIS, or maybe some news from her school, my school, or our community. The source of the information is not important, as long as it is relevant.

2) I ask my child if he/she had heard of the information that I had just presented. It’s not important whether or not they had heard of the presented information. The important part is the fact that you’re asking the question and that you’re curious for their answer. As you are asking for his/her knowledge and/or opinion on the matter, it lets him/her know that you care about this issue.

3) I then indicate how I would handle the similar situation if it had been presented to me. Of course, I am substantially older than a middle school student with many years of educational experience and three college degrees behind me, but it’s always good for my kids to hear how a responsible adult would handle the situation. Although they might disagree and even argue that my method was silly and would never work in today’s middle school setting (kids always say that their parents are out-of-step, don’t they?), it is still good for them to hear (over and over) how a responsible adult would handle the problem.

4) Then comes the big step! It’s time to ask your child how he/she would have handled the same problem or how they reacted to the problem that you presented. Hopefully, he/she will occasionally disagree with you. If your kids consistently agree with your line of reasoning, WATCH OUT! They are merely attempting to placate you, so that they can get on to their lives at the moment. Be sure to listen carefully, as their answers can often provide unintentional insight into their patterns of thinking, their true intentions, and their friends.

5) Be sure that the conversation, whether short or long, is filled with meaningful expressions, words, and thoughts, as well as letting them know that you care for their well-being as a person and as your child. While it might be easy to say, “Because I’m your dad (or mom) and I said so, now do it!”, it’s definitely not going to be effective in most situations, although that line of speech certainly does have its place. Rather, be sure that your child understands that you are serious about the subject, as well as their life.

So, yes, as difficult as it might be, continually raise the issues of the day with your children, including UIS, alcohol, smoking, sex, etc., so that they know that you’re aware of the issues, that you care about their reactions and abstinence, and so that they know that you care about them!

Remember, remaining silent will be much easier, but it will also signal to your kids that you don’t care! So, it’s time to TALK!TALK!TALK! to your kids ….. every day as much as possible!!


Paul W. Reeves

TALK! TALK! TALK!

One of the most important steps that you can take with your child toward the prevention of Use of Illicit Substances (UIS), as well as a host of other topics, is to TALK!TALK!TALK! (TTT) to him/her monthly, weekly, and even daily, depending on the situation. It also helps if you use this precautionary method as soon as he/she is old enough to understand the message, but, if you’ve waited until now, it’s still not too late.

Before you utilize the TTT method, you must first gain an understanding of your child, so that you can determine which approach will work the best. For example if your child is able to listen to you without feeling threatened, the one-on-one approach might work best. If your child tunes you out during one-on-one discussions or immediately feels threatened or unloved due to your approach, then a non-direct eye contact method should be used.

For example, when facing my daughter one-on-one for a prolonged, caring discussion, she is able to understand my message, internalize it, and put it to use. It is also during these times that she is able to understand that I truly care about her and that I want the best for her.

However, my oldest son does not respond well to this approach, except in small increments. After a few moments of the one-on-one approach, he will make attempts to divest himself of the conversation, try to change the subject, or intentionally show that he is not truly internalizing my message.

He is not being disrespectful; he is simply unable to face a constant onslaught of these one-on-one direct messages. As his parent, I can force him to remain in place for my lecture, but due to his personality and his increasing desire to be removed from the conversation, my message does not have the impact that I desire. In fact, due to the fact that he is constantly trying to think of ways to get out of the lecture, he will not retain most of my message.

However, when I talk to him while driving the car, lying on his bedroom floor with him on his bed (both of us on our backs, staring at the ceiling, and avoiding eye contact), or chatting during the preparation of breakfast, my messages are well-received. In fact, these situations seem to encourage him to verbally respond in appropriate ways!

In order to effectively communicate your message of non-UIS and other issues to your child, first determine the proper method of communication with your child. Don’t become frustrated if the first several approaches and/or locales do not work effectively. Keep on trying new communication avenues until you find the right one for your individual child. And remember, each child is different, even when within the same family!

Stop by next week for some tips to use when engaging in detailed and successful TALK!TALK!TALK! session between you and child!!


Paul W. Reeves

Illicit Substances-Ned's Story

When raising middle school kids, it must be remembered that our kids might be involved with legal or illegal drugs in various ways. Unfortunately, even in the best homes, experimentation with drugs during the middle school years is common. Just as unfortunate, our middle school kids often don’t see the link between their actions today and the consequences tomorrow. They also have a tendency to feel indestructible and immune to the problems that others experience. You remember that feeling, don’t you?

Using alcohol and tobacco at a young age increases the risk of using other drugs later. Some teens will experiment and stop, or continue to use occasionally, without significant problems. Others will develop a dependency, moving on to more dangerous drugs and causing significant harm to themselves and possibly others.

During my years as a Middle School Assistant Principal, I once lived in the same neighborhood as my students (unbelievably, my house was never egged!!). One of my neighbors, Ned, was a classic, textbook case of a middle school child who initially engaged in smoking cigarettes behind the shed in his backyard (he stole the cigarettes from his dad and uncle) and then “graduated” into cigars, marijuana, alcohol, inhalants, cold medication, and then illegal drugs that he was able to purchase (his dad was quite wealthy and, instead of giving him the love and guidance that he needed, he peppered him with money, not only the $100.00 per week for allowance, but also anytime Ned asked for money, his dad gladly forked it over!).

Early on, before I realized the details of Ned’s forays into the world of the Use of Illicit Substances (UIS), I sought to gain Ned’s confidence, so that I could help him succeed. Ned was a very bright student with good leadership skills and a promising future. However, he always seemed to choose the wrong road with his school work, his teachers, his choice of friends, and his relationship with his parents and sister (also a student at my school). As I began to spend time with Ned, it was clear that he was perpetually bothered by something.

His mother seemed quite nice, although somewhat immature and, perhaps, not the best candidate for a mother to a child who was suffering. His father, a successful attorney with movie star looks seemed to be the only hope for Ned on the home front. Although I delved into every aspect of Ned’s life with him, I always came up empty, as he never wanted to talk about his parents, he wanted to keep all of his friends (most of whom also seemed to be destined for failure in life), and he certainly didn’t want anything to do with school, even though he was easily capable of earning all A’s on his report card.

Then, of course, it finally hit me. Ned’s problems centered around not only his continual UIS, but particularly his never-ending request to get more and more and stronger and stronger substances. Ned continued through cigarettes, cigars, marijuana, alcohol, inhalants, cold medication, and then illegal drugs to the point that he needed serious intervention and medical attention for his highly developed addiction.

After Ned entered a treatment program, I began to get to know his dad. His dad was very difficult to get to know, as he always seemed distant and unwilling to discuss his family’s situation. At times, Ned’s dad became visibly angry with me as I asked questions that were intended to help his son.

After spending about six months speaking with Ned’s dad off-and-on in my office, in the backyard, and near his mailbox, he began to share his reasons for his anger. He had lectured and yelled at Ned since he was young about the dangers of UIS. Hardly a day went by in which his dad didn’t blast away about the perils of UIS. As such, his dad was hurt and angry that Ned had gone down the road of drug addiction to the point that he needed intervention to save his life. His dad felt like a failure.

However, I learned that the behavior of Ned’s dad did not align with his daily spoken words to his son. Ned’s dad drank heavily (he was inebriated on most nights and actually became drunk once or twice a week), he smoked marijuana in the basement, he slept with a variety of women (yes, we was married!), he was gone for a few days each week, and, in general, his personal life was a mess.

So, even though his words to Ned were accurate and were delivered with great consistency, since his actions did not even remotely mirror his words, Ned fell into a world of severe drug addiction. To paraphrase the song “Cat in the Cradle”, Ned had an inner desire to be just like his dad, despite his words. Unfortunately, Ned had accomplished his goal. With Ned’s I.Q. and desire for success, I am convinced that, if his dad’s behavior had been aligned with his words throughout Ned’s early years, Ned would have not been enticed by the world of UIS.

Yes, somebody is watching you, but it's not Big Brother .... it's your children! Yes, parenting can be difficult (you actually have to watch your own behavior - OUCH!), but the rewards of successful parenting will bring a lifetime of rewards for you, your children, the children of your children, etc.

Hang in there and remember that your kids are watching you! Outwardly live the life that you want them to live!!


Paul W. Reeves